Very dark. Fanfiction of Twilight. Takes place after Edward leaves in NM. R&R please! |
Warnings: Some graphic scenes Spoilers: New Moon Summary: After Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, Bella invents herself an imaginary friend. When Charlie discovers this, he insists Bella see a therapist. How will Bella handle everything? Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the Twilight characters that come up in this story. --- Bella POV After Charlie ushered Renee out of my room, I sunk to the floor and gripped my knees, shaking hard. "It’s okay." I heard a faint voice whisper to me. I didn’t look up. I didn’t change my position, I simply sobbed harder. It wasn’t the voice I wanted to hear. It wasn’t his voice, it wasn’t velvet. Just soft. "He’ll be back. It’s okay." “I don’t believe you.” I whispered. The voice said something. Whoever was talking wasn’t talking very loud. I could hardly hear them over the patter of rain outside my window. “What do you want?” I asked, still buried in my knees. "I want you to be happy." “Well, I’m not.” I said; a sob ripping from my throat as a fresh batch of tears ran down my face. "I could make you happy." I swallowed the next sob. “Who the hell do you-“ As I tore my face out of my legs and looked around the room, my hostile question died in my throat. There was not a soul in the room besides my own destroyed self. Great, I thought. Now I’m hearing voices in my head. Just like- I didn’t allow myself to finish that thought. I just curled up on the floor and begged sleep to come. --- Sometime between the next morning and the afternoon, I felt myself being dragged from the mindless sleep that I had somehow gotten. I didn’t bother opening my eyes, knowing they would be disappointed when Edward wasn’t beside me. I could feel two voids, one where he usually lay, waiting for me to wake up, and the other inside of me, tugging me deep inside the black hole. "Good morning, sunshine." I grumbled and turned over in my bed. My mind slowly processed the soft voice that spoke the words. The voice was familiar, but not strikingly so, only distantly recognizable. My eyes shot open. It was the voice that I had heard the night before, while I was curled on the floor. I peered around the room. It was blurry. It took me a minute to realize that it was the tears in my eyes that were obstructing my vision, not the remains of a good sleep. I wiped my eyes hurriedly and gazed anxiously around the room again. It was empty. I felt the serrated knife at my chest, digging out my heart as I moaned softly. I pulled the covers over my head and positioned myself firmly in a tight ball. I distantly heard my mother’s feather light feet, pattering softly as she ran up the stairs to my bedroom. I registered that she would be coming in, but I didn’t make a movement to welcome her. I wanted her to leave me alone for the first time in my life. And, consequently, for the first time in my life, Renee was refusing to do just that. “Bella?” she asked quietly from my doorway. “Bella, are you okay?” I didn’t acknowledge her at all. After a moment, I heard her footsteps approach the bed. It sank as she sat on the edge, carefully tugging back the blanket and stroking my hair. She mouth was moving and her eyes looked sympathetic. "Hey, genius, she’s talking to you." The soft voice spoke, not matching any of the movements Renee’s mouth made. I shivered slightly and tried to focus solely on Renee. “and I think if you gave things a chance, you would find that this Edward boy wasn’t-“ the moment Edward’s name came out of my mother’s mouth, I felt a sharp pain in my side. I could feel the sting of tears behind my eyes, waiting to break. "Oh, baby, don’t cry." That soft voice caught me off guard. “I am not your baby.” I whispered fiercely, looking around for the perpetrator. "But I love you. I cannot live without you. You are my life now." The voice had an edge to it, a sharp edge as I realized who had uttered those words to me before. I screamed out in pain. “SHUT UP!!!!” --- Renee POV “Charlie- I- I don’t know what to do.” I said quietly. Bella had fallen asleep on her floor last night around eleven, and Charlie had moved her onto her bed at midnight, to avoid waking her. “I’ve never seen her like this. What did that boy do?” I asked, anger flaring up inside me. “He- well, he-“ Charlie stuttered. “I don’t know what he did, honestly. When we brought her inside she was just repeating the words ‘He’s gone.’” He looked defeated. Bella moaned from upstairs. I threw a glance at Charlie and headed upstairs to talk to Bella. She was curled in a ball under her covers. I pulled them back and stroked her dirty hair. She had been refusing to wash it for the past week. Neither Charlie nor I could figure out why, so we just allowed for it. I started talking to her, not really paying attention to what I was saying as much as I was paying attention to her expressions. I watched her closely. Her face was twisted in pain, but in her eyes there was a familiar spark. As the spark grew, her face quickly masked over, and anger was evident in every calm feature. “I am not you baby.” She whispered coldly, looking around the room with a hostile look on her face. In a quick moment I watched as her face burst through the mask, the pain too unbearable to look at. “SHUT UP!!!” she screamed loudly, thrashing on the bed, her eyes closed tight as the tears pulsed down her cheeks. -- “Congress often abused power in the new formal government, seeing as there was no real way to keep them in check at the time. Representation was also very limited in Congress; there were only a couple of people to represent the government…” "Damn, this is really wanker’s crap, isn’t it, love?" I ignored Riley completely, attempting to pay attention to Mr. Varner, my government teacher. "Oh, baby, don’t ignore me." I didn’t think it was very fair that Riley could hear every thought, see every gesture and know everything about me. That was an honour that wasn’t even granted to the love of my life. "Hey! I’m your life now, Bells. Got that?" Riley really hated it when I thought about the only thing worth living for… "Isabella Marie Swan, stop it right now! He left! Your sacred Edward Cullen left you and I am here. So get over that egotistical bastard!" When Riley whispered… his name I could feel the convulsions. I pulled my knees into my chest and wrapped my arms firmly around them. "See what he did to you?" I stopped paying attention to Varner and just sank into my own depressed world. -- After school, I went to my house. I had stopped thinking of it as home last summer because I was only there when absolutely necessary and I had stayed in the habit when he left. "Don’t be mad at me." Riley whined as I sat down in front of my decrepit computer. My mother was very concerned and I had to send her an email so she’d know everything was fine. I threw him a sharp look. "Hey, it’s not my fault." “I never said it was.” I said quietly. He looked significantly relieved by that. While I waited for my computer to start, Riley got up off of my bed and started pacing in the corner of my eye. He ran his hands through his dark hair. While he was pacing, I studied him. He had grown significantly since the week after my birthday. Riley had developed bright blue eyes. He was tall, lean, and had dark, thick hair. (A/N: Okay, so I know that Riley in Eclipse is a much different looking fellow, but honestly, I think that my imaginary friend Riley looks so much better.) I followed his movements studiously. “What is it, Ry?” He looked torn as he turned to face me. "I don’t like you thinking of him." “Why do you care?” "Because, damn it, I care about you." He wrung his hands on the hem of his shirt to emphasize his point. "He’s gone." I cringed soundly. "Look at me, Bella. He’s gone. He left you, and, well, and I’m here. I can help you. I wouldn’t hurt you. And God knows I can’t leave you. Even if I wanted to. Even if you wanted me to, I would have to stay…" “You can’t be with me, Riley. You’re not him.” I turned back to my computer. It had finally started. "Babe-" “Riley, don’t.” I cut him off. I started typing my necessary email to my mother. "You know, I could help you get over him. I mean, I do know my share of hurt. And I do know my share of revenge. You could always-" “Stop it.” "Really, we could just take one of those shiny, silver cleavers downstairs. I mean, vampires always react badly to-" “I’m warning you, Riley, one more word.” "What are you going to do? I told you before that you can’t get rid of me. Even if you wanted to, I’m here to stay, babe. But that vampire…that soon to be dead-" “Riley…” I growled at him. “Bella?” I could hear my father’s voice coming up the stairs. I ignored it. "Of course, if you were desperate, there is one way to get rid of me… but then, you promised that you wouldn’t do anything reckless." “What are you talking about?” When Riley mentioned the promise I had made, I temporarily forgot I was angry at him. "Well, of course I don’t think it would be considered reckless if you thought it through. Or if I helped you think it through…" “Riley, stop being so damn vague and tell me what it is you’re talking about.” I said to him as I returned to watching him pace back in forth in front of my bedroom door. "Well, I exist because of you. If you were to, say, go away, so would I." “What are you suggesting?” I asked him, honestly intrigued. "End it all." “What?” I asked again, honestly confused. “End what, exactly?” I found myself being bored into by Riley’s blue orbs as he smirked at my confusion. "End it all." He repeated. Slowly, very slowly, I dawned in comprehension as to his meaning. End it all. End the pain, the suffering that I had endured. I knew what he meant. “End it all.” I said softly, falling into a trance at the words themselves. I could feel oblivion, and it felt damn good in comparison to my current state. Not only could I end myself, but I could get rid of Riley, the smug brat who didn’t know when or how to close his mouth. Only Riley wasn’t talking now. My father, on the other hand, was talking to me, I could see his mouth moving, and I could hear his timid voice as he spoke… I didn’t comprehend any of it. End it all. End it all. Moving in the trance that had taken over my body, I slowly stood and walked past my father. I knew he was confused; I hadn’t spoken a word to him all day. He was probably firing questions at me, but I didn’t hear any of them. Charlie’s voice became hum in the background. I could hear a symphony in my head, a symphony that was written for me, and a symphony that was played on eighty eight keys of integrations worst nightmare of an instrument as I continued my trek around the house. I didn’t know where it was I was going, the fact I was moving was enough for me. "Babe, what are you doing?" Riley’s voice broke through the symphony of notes wrapped around my head. "Bella, don’t go to the bathroom. What the hell is in there? Your leg razor? What are you going to do? Drown yourself in the sink? Bella, come on. The kitchen. Remember that room? It has a shiny cleaver." I shook my head but changed direction. The cleaver, too blunt, I thought firmly. "Well, there are all those other ones;" Riley commented "I mean, you were so insistent on getting an entire set." I looked at the set he was talking about as I walked into the kitchen, the symphony louder than before. “Stop it, Riles. I don’t want to hear you anymore. I don’t want to see you anymore. I just want Edward.” I laughed suddenly, when it struck me that I couldn’t go to heaven if I followed through with this. And even though it killed me inside to think of Edward dying, I knew in the back of my mind that I would be with him someday if he was right about his soul. I continued to laugh softly as I realized this was the first time that I wanted Edward to be right about his soulless state. How ironic. I took the gleaming instrument in my hand, Riley on my left smiling, and my father on my right, staring at me in terror. “Perhaps this is too dramatic, Edward. But it would happen eventually.” I closed my eyes and in my mind’s eye burst the love of my life. He growled my name, softly. I smiled at the sound, like an angel’s voice. I thought of his silken hair, his skin glittering in the sunlight, and if I tried hard enough, I could taste his sweet scent on the tip of my tongue as I whispered for the last time, his perfect name. -- The end. |