Forbidden Love

Forbidden Love

He walked between desks, his red and white striped tie moving from side to side with every step. Casually looking from one student to the next, Mr Whitehead smiled as he approached me. His hazel-green eyes glowed with passion, and his hair, golden brown flopped to the side. His shadow moved across my sheet. A perfect silhouette was now placed upon my paper. I looked up to his smiling face; somehow it was impossible not to smile back. I looked back down, pretending to concentrate.

My name is Nicola Chambers. His name is James Whitehead. I am 17 and have just started year 12. He is my 32-year old teacher. It has been this way for about 3 years now. This stupid schoolgirl crush is more than it used to be. Its one of those things you try to ignore, and hope that one day it will just blow away like a dead leaf on the footpath. But this hasn’t. He has stayed in my mind for way too long. His face still lingers in my head like the words of an annoying song.

I knew nothing could happen. But with this in mind, was it still all right to dream about him at night and think about him every day? I knew the answer to this was no. I was sure that if I told anyone, they would only laugh. But these feelings are so real. I believe that they are. I have never felt this way about anyone before. And, no I am not inexperienced. I don’t have these feeling because I am a sad, lonely girl, who has never had a boyfriend. I have. Four actually. And each of them were the same brand, just different models.

But with James it’s different. I mean he isn’t that handsome, he’s attractive. He doesn’t speak impressively, but in that western English accent, which I know belongs to him. And he doesn’t know it, but he makes me laugh when I don’t even want to smile. I’ve learnt more from him than from any other teacher. Impressing him is motivation enough. 

Every day, after school I walk home and think about my day. I try to understand why these feelings are still here after all these years of nothing happening. I keep coming back to the same conclusion: Maybe they mean nothing. Maybe I’m being controlled by a force, which I don’t have any power over.  And hopefully, one day, they will just evaporate, like smoke, into thin air.

1 month later..
Today I think I got over my obsession. Well, at least what I saw put everything into perspective. I was still at school, it was past six, but I had stayed behind to finish an assignment. I was walking up toward the driveway when I saw Mr Whitehead and Ms Waugh hand in hand. From where I was standing I could see it all. As he looked down at her, he smiled. And she looked back up at him, love in her eyes. He leant forward, kissing her softly on the lips. Her arm slowly wrapped around his waist and she kissed him back. I looked on, understanding how far I had to go. I wasn’t ready for anything this big, even if it was for love.