Forgiven

Bang!
Bang!

Why is my chest hurting so badly?
What was that gunshot noise?
Was I hit?
Am I dying?

No.

I am dead.

Great, now I'm going to miss tonight's episode of Will and Grace for sure!
Heaven better have television.
Will I be going to heaven?
What if I go to hell?

What if God's watching me right now?!

These thoughts were spinning in my head. The realization that I was dead was unbearable.
I looked around instinctively, as my jaw dropped. Heaven looked a lot more sinister than I had imagined.
It appeared to look like a dark dungeon.

Crap, I was in hell.

"You're not in hell Mr. Johnson. You are merely in an in between world. You are in the ghostly plain," came the ghostly voice.
I spoke rather uncertainly, "Sir, Will I go to heaven?"
He responded, "I don't know really. It's your decision."
"Of course I want to go to heaven!"
"Oh, but don't you want to weigh your options." He chuckled as he said this.
"My... options?"
"Yes, your options. You see, you are in a very special predicament right now. Your body on Earth is not dead nor alive. You are in a coma, which few expect you to survive. But, I have a task for you. If you complete this task I shall let you live."

I concentrated on his sentences for a few moments saying nothing.
I then replied, "What is this task?"
The voice had a new chill in his voice as he spoke, "You have to kill someone. An eye for an eye, if you will".
I replied, "Who would I have to kill?"
He broke out in a series of murderous chuckles and replied, "Your sister".

I couldn't kill my sister. That would be impossible.
Yet I didn't want to die yet either.

As I was contemplating this horrible choice, a dagger appeared on the ground nearest me.
I grabbed the dagger in my hand, and I knew I had to do it.

The second my hands touched the cold metallic grip of the dagger, I was plunged into a whirlwind of colors.
I landed on the ground of a busy New York City sidewalk.
I was alive!

In the back of my head I heard the familiar icy voice reply, "You have one day."

I hid the dagger in my pants and continued down the sidewalk.

The sun was out today. It was truly beautiful outside, and I was glad to be experiencing this. I took a guess as to where my sister was. Seeing as it was Sunday, the little girl should be at church. I knew I could not kill her there. That would be rude.

I took a seat on the steps in front of church as I waited for my sister to emerge. This reminded me a lot of the first time me and her went to church. It was right after mom passed away..... we were just children....

"Hey Henry! Come on, I want to go to church!", came the voice of my cheerful little sister.
"Okay, Okay Carmen. Let me put on my shoes," I said rather emotionless.
She was halfway down the street by the time I was even out the door.
Why was she so excited about church. Half of me didn't even believe in the stuff they taught.
"Henry, we're almost there," cried the little girl.

We arrived at the church and went in. Inside the church was one of the most beautiful interiors I have ever seen. The stained glass windows painted the cobblestone flooring various colors as the soft August sunlight pierced through. The antique crucifix lying in front of the church was most awe-inspiring. It was huge and hand-painted. It was beautiful.

"Henry, I know Momma died, but I'm so glad I still have you," she spoke gently while holding my hand in the front pew.
I grasped her hand and replied, "Carmen, you are everything to me now."

I'll never forget how we went to church every Sunday after that. That little girl put a ray of hope in my heart. In such a sad time, she really did make me look at the good of life.

How had things changed. I grew bitter towards the world for taking away my mother. I saw Carmen still laughing and loving the world, and I felt like she betrayed our mother. How could she be happy, when our mother is dead?

Our relationship as brother and sister quickly fell after a few months of my newfound bitterness. I soon grew to hate her. She continued loving me, but that love was not mutual.

The second I graduated college and earned my degree in english, I took the quickest plain to Chicago, and never looked back since. Except that one time, the one time Carmen came to visit....

"Merry Christmas Henry!" ,came that cheerful voice which I hadn't heard in over 13 years.
"Carmen, what in God's name are you doing here?", came the harsh-sounding words out of my mouth.
Tears appeared on her eyes as she said, "Henry, you're my brother. I needed to see you."
We spent a couple of hours getting to know what each other had been doing. Apparently, little Carmen became a Eucharistic minister and helped children find the presence of God. When she said this, I of course, replied, "Teaching them lies of course."

She stood up, grabbed her bag, and left Chicago forever.

I heard from her a short five months later. Apparently, Carmen had come over that Christmas to tell me she had breast cancer. The saddest part about that entire situation, was that I felt no mercy, no remorse. I did, however, feel the need to see her if she was sick. I felt, I at least owed Mom that much. I left for New York City, and was on my way to the hospital, when it happened. Two thugs appeared in front of me, each holding a gun. The next thing I knew it, I was staring death in the face. Literally.

All these memories coming flooding back kept me from concentrating on the task at hand. I had to save myself.
I then heard the church bells ringing as people flooded out the church. I scanned the area for my sister's face. I looked and looked, but I could not see her anywhere. Then I instantly understood, Carmen must be visiting my body back at the hospital.

I took the bus to the hospital.

I walked into the front doors, and quite strangely, I asked for the room I was in. The receptionist gave me a room number, and I was off. When I walked into the room, I realized for the first time that I was really dying. I saw my pale face, my boney arms, and most of all I could see death. I had to keep this from happening. I scanned the room once more, but found my body alone. My sister was not here visiting. I found a nurse doing her rounds, and asked her if she had seen a young girl come visit here.

A smile came across the nurse's face as she said, "The only person that wants to see this man is his sister. And sadly, his sister is not in too good of shape either. She's dying of breast cancer. She can't visit him."

Two things came to my mind as the nurse said these words. One thing was very compassionate, the other was selfish.
The first thing that came to my mind was, "My poor little sister!"
The second thing was, "At least she's dying anyway."

I felt the dagger in my pants, asked for a room number, and proceeded on my way.

I found the room quite easily, and turned the door rather absentmindedly.
She was sleeping. God, she was still so beautiful. Even on her dying bed.

I walked up to her as her shallow breathing continued. I brought the knife out of my pants and brought it into the open.

I stared at her with pleading eyes, as I held the dagger closer to her neck.

When the dagger touched her neck, I saw her eyes flutter.
As she opened her beautiful blue eyes, I saw something horrible.
I saw myself in the reflection of her eyes.
I was about to kill my sister, who did nothing but love me my entire life.
Her mouth opened, but she too weak to talk.

What the hell was I about to do?
I was a monster!

The dagger hit the floor.
I sank to my knees.
Tears were streaming out my eyes, as Carmen could only watch my pain.
I grabbed her hand and pleaded, "Carmen forgive me. I was greedy. I was stupid. I was selfish. I know that now."
She mouthed only one thing, "Forgiven."

The second the words came out her mouth, I felt a blinding light hit my eyes.
I felt myself levitated into the air, then just as suddenly thrown on a cold hard ground.

I was back in death's chamber.
The cold voice spoke to me, "Is this your choice?"
"Yes, it is."

"You passed the test," came a voice similar to Death, yet this voice was more.... heavenly.

Before me I could see the light exploding from the dark walls. I felt myself giving in into the warmth.
I had made the right decision.

"My darling Henry, Oh how I've missed you," came the voice of my mother.
I was reunited with my mother at last.

I was home.