Who am I really?

                                      Who Am I Really

Am I the body that aches and ages, or am I eternal, walking through this cycle in this body?  If I am eternal and the body ages, then this is a temporal thing.  Some believe that the body is a mental projection.  I think there is some truth to this, but if it were mental, how is it that we project disease and death upon ourselves?  Why must I feel overweight if this is just a projection?  What is it that I am really projecting?

If the body is a mental projection upon this earth, then the earth is a mental projection as well.  Who did the projecting?  Is it God?  For someone all loving, this earth is not that loving of a place, or is that a matter of interpretation.  Yet many among us have been enlightened and are sure that they spoke with God.  I have met someone who claims this, and in her mind she is absolutely convinced.  So how come I don’t hear voices?  Is it because I don’t listen.  How does one listen?

If we are all projections, then Jesus and all of the saints are also projections, ideas.

There is a belief that we are all one, created as the Christ mind by God.  This implies that all of us are shards of one mind that has divided itself and is dreaming the dream that we know as life.  Others contend that we are separate souls (both eternal).  But if we are separate, how is it that the earth’s population grows large and then dies off in large numbers, like in time of war?  If we are separate, does that imply some finite number?

If this world is hell, as suggested by many, then how do we account for the beauty in it.  There is love and beauty here.  Innocence and nobility as well.  There is also death, destruction, cruelty, war and hate. 

Is heaven really a land of eternal bliss?  Is the peace and quiet of heaven, where the past is forgotten and the energy or thought that we are just sits at rest really heaven?  Is this true bliss, or did we get tired of it and create the earth?

What are angels?  If we created this world, then we created the angels?  How can that be?  Do we evolve to that stage?

Do I want this heaven?  The Course in Miracles suggests to me that I do, but do I really?  I find this confusing.  It might be heaven, this place of quiet and peace, but it is alien to me.  I suppose that anyone living in hell might think heaven an alien place.  Are we captured animals afraid to step out of the cage when the cage is left open?  I sometime think the same question applies to retirement.

If we are not one, but many, who created this place and why?  It would have to either already be here or God did it.  Is God really just a something that is loving?  Since we can affect it by our wishes and manifestations, we have to have some effect on the creation mode.

Many have asked these questions and they don’t all come to the same conclusion.  In fact, bright thinking people come up with many solutions.  Not surprising here that I might be a little confused about it all. 

Are there really Avitars that help?

Is death just another cry for love.  In some sense, everything is a cry for love.  Even the most enlightened does not slow down death.  Maybe they don’t want to?  Or can’t?

How do animals fit into this.  They think, eat, breath and in some cases love.  So, do cats manifest or create as do humans?  Dolphins talk to each other.  Do they create?  What is creation anyway, an extension of the dream, or something greater?

It has been suggested that we should not value anything, as we then add value to an image, giving the image meaning and thus power.  How can I do this as a soldier who is trained to fight, defend, and kill at close quarters if I have to?  How can I not love my wife and children and grandchildren?  I can love my neighbors, and I can understand that this is a projection, but how can I not feel something “special” to my family and close friends?

What is my real reason for being on this earth?  It certainly isn’t just to be an officer in the army, a husband and father, or a corporate executive.  If we live more than one life, which if we are eternal makes some sense to me, then what is it that we learn in each of these walks?  Is it to love?  After all these years on earth, mankind doesn’t seem to be getting very far in that arena, yet each generation seems to be doing a little better.  Maybe we don’t know what love is or how to do it.  I love my wife and children, yet there are times that I am disappointed.  How can that be unless I am still learning how to love after all of these years.

Who am I really?  For thousands of years mankind has thought on this subject, yet we seem no closer than we were then.  Is it really in the end a question of faith?  I don’t think I am going to find this answer in a church, but churches seem to help me ask the questions.  If we are all energy beings, part of the greater love of God, whom would be an energy being as well, then why am I here? 

I think I will be asking this question for a long time, as it takes a leap of faith to answer and my engineering type mind continues to look for proof in shadows.