Walking in the Rain

How am I supposed to just sit here-
Read as you talk about-
walking in the rain.
Not with me...
No...
With her.

Am I supposed to live my life away-
One bottle at a time-
As you live our lives in silence;
Pretending that I'm not here,
that I don't matter,
and that my pain doesn't affect you?

Better question..
Am I supposed to live?

I try..
Really I do.
To push it off,
act like it doesn't affect me..
but I'm still-
Crying myself to sleep at night
wishing that you'll come to bed,
hold me, and tell me that you're sorry.

But I wake every morning
to you asleep on the couch.

I go to work..
Because I have to..
have to pay for the cell phones-
rent-
your car insurance
(because we can't afford mine)

Have to work
So that you can sit online all day-
Talking to girls.
So you can ignore me
be angry for just a bit longer
that I wanted you to want me-
more than your friends.

So that you can lie to me
about where you're going
what you're doing
and who with.

So that you can-
in ever quoted words..
Treat me like shit...

"Why do you stand that?
I wouldn't-
Put your foot down."

But they don't know me...
Like I know me.

Maybe I feel it's better to be treated this way;
than to be treated no way at all...