MY PAST RIDE

The eraser in my head had erased already erased my dreams. I don't even keep the memories. The fairy tale would end and everything won't ever be the same. I am now awake; I admit it was such a nice dream, so nice that it made me lose my wits for a while. But thunder called me and woke me in my sleep and along with the rain they never allowed me to fall for this trap of vengeance.   

    I made myself look insane for so long that I don't even know how to act sane or get back my old self. I dropped my reasoning along the way that I can't find the right words to describe how broken I feel right this very moment. I know I had been so full of myself that I failed to learn forgiveness along the way. Still I walked alone, not minding silence my only possession, the only thing I have since I was able to realize how pain full it is to live along the crowd. I with nothing left was then tempted to trade my only possession to grow back my principle but then again I was pirated, I am left here alone with emptiness.   

    How tired  I am, trusting, loving, understanding, standing up, caring for all the ones around me yet….what had I gained?...nothing… I gave my all that I wasn't able to see loneliness breaking into my life. Along with trust we three started living life, but this world is like a colossal harmony of irony that everything again went down. Someone took away trust leaving loneliness, to be my only refuge to dealing everything that come my doorstep. Loneliness? What good will it give me? What good will it brings to my life? It's the least thing I have in mind to carry with me along the way. For with those times I've had it, it never brought any good only pure insecurity and pure envy.
 
    I always try to stand up, and walk back, but I noticed that I am on a on a one way street, that U-turns are not allowed. So I no matter how I wan to  bring back things that I lost, I cant, maybe the only thing I can do now is to reminisce, think back all the things I've done, mistakes, misgivings, and misunderstandings that I've partaken.

    Maybe I had been too greedy, for I always wanted the easiest way to ease away my pains I got trapped to this web of isolation. I've been greedy of happiness that I wasn't able to see that my road is getting too narrow that I can't take happiness with me. Had I known that life would turn this way? I shouldn't have grabbed change when he knocked on my door. I should have stayed at the other side of the door and watched TV. But then as they always say, change is the only permanent in this world. And with that I am hoping that other type of change would lead me to something I had been working hard to get-happiness. If given the chance I would start again this journey and I would of be a good judge of what good way to take. I won't take things to overload this car I might get flat tired and won't be able to continue my journey home.