I told her not to open it !

I told her NOT to open it !

I happen to be the eldest of five girls, not that that is relevant but I just thought I'd mention it.

Of my four sisters I'm probably closest to Liz, sister number three even though she is thirteen years my junior! We both have the same wicked sense of humour or at least, I thought we did until the day I left her a gift hanging from her locker door at work.

Let me explain. At the time, we were circular knitters, working for the same company. I was on the early shift and she followed, on the late shift.

My co-worker Ann and I were moving some yarn when we spotted what can only be described as 'the daddy of all spiders!'

Here, I must stop and tell you that Liz is not just scared of spiders, she is absolutely terrified of them! So terrified in fact that since her divorce she has rung me up a number of times late at night wanting me to go and clear a spider from the bedroom ceiling so that she can go to sleep. Is that wimpish or what?

Ann and I decided that it would be fun to catch this gargantuan and so armed with a brush and some cardboard we set about herding it up. Using some fancy manoeuvring and even fancier footwork, we managed to get it into a matchbox. I swear it tried its damnedest to kick its way back out!

A quick search provided us with a small piece of fancy paper in which to wrap it. To pretty it up a bit we found an old, dull length of tinsel left over from the Christmas decks, hanging limply from a post where it still clung, thanks only to a piece of old, browned sellotape.

Well, beggars can't be choosers, it would have to do!
Just to be on the safe side I wrote on the package 'DO NOT OPEN TILL XMAS'

Oh! I also forgot to mention Liz can't resist a parcel!
We left it hanging from her locker door, and at 2pm we changed shifts. I trundled off home.

The rest of this tale is hearsay as I wasn't actually there to see the results of my handy-work. I had to rely on the witnesses who were there at the time!

She wasn't about to heed my warning. Nope.  Instead, she proceeded to open the box!  According to said witnesses,  she let out one almighty scream then headed for the rest room in floods of tears. It took ten minutes to calm her down and another thirty for her to stop shaking. All the while she kept repeating the phrase, "I'll kill her",  "I'll bloody kill her."

Needless to say, she didn't speak to me again for weeks.  But she did let me live!

Oh, by the way, did I tell you about the time I set the factory alight?
No! Well, perhaps another time......