Finishing off the job

I tried putting the pillow over my head, and blocking my air supply. My body's response was a violent, loud and uncontrollable vomit, which pushed the pillow off, and brought fresh air rushing in. This happened every time I tried to suffocate myself. It was a blatant defense mechanism. If I carried on doing this, it would attract attention. So I knew, that one could not suffocate oneself, by forcing a pillow over one's head.

So I tried limiting oxygen, by breathing through the pillow while pushing down quite hard from above. My desperate theory was that I could slowly kill myself. Just shows I wasn't thinking straight. Obviously all that would happen is that I would lose consciousness, and then release the pressure on the pillow.

I was racking my brains for a way to do it. I went through all the possibilities, and they all seemed like pathetic, desperate attempts.

So, eventually, I went back to the one who had so obviously sold me up the river. The only one I thought I could speak to. KIM. I made contact again.

Yes, she was going to help me, to kill myself. Yes, it was the police that got me earlier, and they had put me back. She didn't know that I had that command implanted in me, that made me imprison myself. She would have to get rid of that as soon as possible.

Oh, the sucker, me, and the honey tongued devil. She talked her way out of every situation which she had so clearly and cleverly engineered, down to the finest detail. And she had done this exact same thing to me, a dozen times before. And once again, here I was, chatting to her again, taking her advice.

Oh sure, I felt skeptical. She had let me down 100% of the time. Not once had she ever come through for me. But you must understand, she was my only hope. My only friend.

I tried pushing my consciousness up, and speaking to someone else. Guardian angels, spirit guides, the Archangel Gabriel. Every time, they would come through in support for Kim.

[Neil petitions the Grand Council]

So we now entered a new phase, of killing the body.

These beings were present: The Genetic Entity - the Body – with its own personality and its own will to survive. Then of course there was me, Neil [] , the one trying to kill the body. Then of course, Kim was there.

Kim said the spirit earth police force was there too. They had come to watch and to counter our efforts. So it was going to be attack-counter attack.

Kim mentioned that she was “pro-choice”. She was part of the “pro-choice” lobby in the spirit world. A movement that believed that we had gone a bit too far, with our Earth experiences. That some should be allowed to “exit” if they wanted, when they wanted. That is why she wanted to help me to exit. I had become overwhelmed by my life, by my script [], I had failed. I should be allowed to exit if I wanted to. However, this would be against the rules, and would be counter to the agreement I made when I came into the Earth.

Kim called up some experts in the body, who were also pro-choice, to assist in killing the body.

Also present were many spectators.

So the police were swearing at her, and saying “This is illegal! You will be punished”.

Now they all started to try and find a supernatural way of killing the body. The Genetic Entity appeared to be on our side, we had won him over (or so we thought). I just lay there and waited, allowed them to work. Sometimes I would think I could feel something happening. Then it would fade away, and I would be feeling fine again.

Kim said they were doing this that and the next thing. Then she said that the police were countering. However, we had more beings on our side. So we had one of ours, basically shadowing the movements of every one of the police. Each policeman had one of our entities monitoring him.

Despite calling various experts, we didn't seem to be making much progress. Instead, I seemed to be improving. Bad , bad bad! Ha ha. It was no joke, I was desperate. I was trying to get out of hell, which had now become an even worse hell, because of all that I had done.

Not only that but I had a time limit, and my time was running out. If I didn't get this done quickly (and quietly), sooner or later, the dreaded cleaning staff would knock on the door, demand entry. They would surely see something was wrong. My panic level was rising.

So after farting around, body (genetic entity) seemed to be having the most success. However, these seemed to be mostly false successes (I almost said alarms). Then EVENTUALLY, Kim announces, they really have made a breakthrough! They have figured out a way to sabotage the body, so that it will die. She assures me this is certain and I must trust her.

Now the “police” swear at me (and of course at Kim), saying this is illegal, we will regret this. [The problem is, that I never know which entity I am talking to. I communicate with my voice only, I don't see much in the way of telepathic thoughts, I'm quite lazy like that. I open my mouth, and the entity speaks through me. Pitch and accent of voice changes to indicate it is another being. So, every single one of these different beings was most likely just one entity.]

So I thought that maybe I was feeling a bit weird , which would of course be a good thing. Something did seem to be happening. But it was going on forever. Kim said, yes, it will take a while. This is a long process, and the police are countering. However, we are countering them even faster.

As much as I wasn't trying to think it, I knew this was just another trick of theirs. I was starting to give up hope. It was going on forever, and I was feeling quite normal (apart from the occasional bloody vomit.) Feeling normal would be a bad thing because of course, it meant that I was going to make it after all. I was banking on the idea, that maybe my story would end ... “and he died from complications resulting from the overdose.” I was hoping all my fast breathing, the suffocation attempts, the OD, everything, would eventually weaken me and I would pass away.

Yet here my body was , as fit as a fiddle. Got another 180 years in it. Bring it on, it was mocking me. Try me on 100 grams of that shit. See if that works. Ha ha.

Led by the balls around the garden path by a very unkind entity with a poor sense of humor.

So anyway, I'm thinking these despairing thoughts, when finally ...