VH1.04 - Place Your Bets

         The roses are red,
         And, Violet is blue.
         Happy birthday, Iris,
         This one’s just for you!

         They say the best things come to those who wait and, thanks to an issue with the delivery van at Bevins’ Blooms, I had to do quite a bit of waiting. Sure, it was only a day later, but, I was never a very patient girl. Finally, though, the time had come. My little devious plot to help along the end of Phillip and Violet’s relationship was going to bloom, no pun intended.

         Violet was enjoying breakfast when there came a knock at the door. She’d thrown up her first attempt at breakfast all over Phillip before he left. He didn’t seem like a happy camper, especially when he had to ditch his favorite paisley tie (you remember the paisley tie, don’t you?) for another. Now, she was managing to keep down some scrambled eggs and bacon, but the sheer mortification of up-chucking on her beloved was threatening to make it all come back up again.

         Getting up to answer the door, she passed the mirror. She looked horrible, with her hair all limp and hanging down around her face like Cousin It or that weird girl who comes out of the well in that movie. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and hadn’t changed out of her favorite blue sweat pants or the t-back, white top she’d slept in. Showering, too, would have required too much energy from her.

         “What?” She asked the scrawny kid on the other side of the door when she opened it.

         “I--I have a delivery here for a, um,” he looked at the delivery slip. “Violet Donovan?”

         Violet’s shoulders tensed. “Delivery?”

         The kid - one of those stoner-slash-surfer types who’d blow any money he earned from this gig on over-the-counter medications he could stash under his bed and claim they’re for allergies if his folks ever found them - reached down on the floor, just outside of Violet’s scope of vision, and produced the biggest bouquet of pink roses I had ever seen before in my entire life. I thought I would puke all over someone at the sight of them.

         Then, a thought occurred to me. Why were they pink? I ordered red. And, why were they being delivered here, instead of to the Fowler Suites? Was there a huge mix-up, or…worse? Was it possible someone had honestly cared enough about the shrinking Violet to send her flowers? This was shaping up to be the worst birthday ever.

         Violet gave the kid a twenty. He said, “Whoa, thanks, lady,” and took off.

         She sat the roses down on the table by the sofa. There was a card attached to the clear, glass vase. “To Violet, I hope you’re feeling better.”

         She pulled one of the pink roses out of the arrangement, holding it to her nose, breathing in the scent of it, flopping down on the couch and pulling away its petals. “He loves me,” she dropped a petal onto the floor. “He loves me, not.” Another. “He loves me…he loves me not.”

         Serves the little twit right that it landed on, “not.” But, she didn’t care much about that. Phillip had sent her flowers. He’d felt bad about being so short with her this morning and, so, he was showing he cared. And, if he cared, that meant there was still something left to salvage between them. This was, to Violet, as good as winning the lottery.

         At least it inspired her to finally shower and get out of those grimy sweatpants.

*******************

         Later that morning, she decided to go out and buy a new dress for the St. Bartholomew’s Casino Night fundraiser at the Pelican Landing. She pulled on her favorite ivory slacks and her favorite ivory tunic, and she took off.

         As she was driving, the thought occurred to her that it’d been a while since she’d heard from her mother. She thought, since she was going shopping, maybe her mother would like to go, as well, even though she’d probably already had her dress made by some fabulous up-and-coming designer who puts hideous bows on old curtains and calls it a fashion movement. Daisy was always less conservative than Violet. For her prom, she’d tried to convince the girl to wear a dress (again, by some up-and-comer whose line wound up being exclusive to Wal-Mart) that was as ugly as it was short and flimsy. She’d be perfect to help her pick out something fresh and flirty and just right to keep turning Phillip’s head, now that his attentions were returned to her.

         When she pulled up outside Daisy’s home, she saw a moving van and two men in blue uniforms with blue dollies pushing boxes out of the townhouse and into the van. Daisy was standing on her stoop, fanning herself with an old newspaper. She, too, was in her sleeping clothes and didn’t appear to have showered for days. Violet was perplexed by seeing her mother in this state. I, however, was happy, and wished I had my camera.

         “Those by the stairs are ready to go.” She told one of the men as he went back for another load. “Then, I think that’ll do it for these.”

         Violet walked up the walkway, to the steps. “Mom?” She asked, noting the smudge of dirt down Daisy’s cheek. “Are you going somewhere?”

         Daisy seemed honestly shocked to see her daughter. I think she thought she was me, given the look of disappointment on her face. Then, she saw the goofy, oblivious look that Violet often has on her good days, and she seemed to realize I’d never look that dumb.

         “Violet?”

         “No, I’m her evil twin. Of course it’s me.” Violet hugged her mom. “Where are you going?”

         Daisy took her daughter’s hand and led her inside. There were open boxes everywhere in the parlor and in the grand entryway. The closed ones seemed to be the only boxes the movers were taking. Violet almost had to crawl over them and through them, like a maze, to get to the couch, where she could finally sit down.

“I’m not going anywhere,” her mother finally explained, once she’d found them both a bottle of water. “Those are just some boxes from when I moved out of our old home into the new townhouse, after your father died. I was looking for something, so, I had some people go to the storage site and take what I had there out, so I could go through them. Now, they’re just taking them back.”

         “Did you find whatever it was you’re looking for?” Violet asked.

         “No, not yet. I’m not sure I’m going to.”

         She better.

         “What is it? Maybe I might know where it is.”

         Daisy shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not important. How are you? How are you feeling?”

         Violet was glowing. Blech. “I’m great. I was really sick this morning, again, and I threw up all over Phillip. I thought he was mad at me when he left, but, he sent me flowers, the most beautiful pink roses!”

         Daisy reached out and brushed her cheek. Violet winced. She’d almost forgotten how much it hurt. When she woke up and saw the red bruise left behind from my meeting with Daisy, she’d just assumed she hit it during the night. She was always such a violent sleeper, rolling around and thrashing about. She had no idea.

         “I’m so happy for you, Violet. I know how worried you’ve been about things with him. I think I remembered telling you if you’d just stay strong and not go off the deep end or confront him or her and just let things go, he’d see how much faith you have in him and his dalliance with his old flame would hold no weight.”

         “I was expecting you to offer to have her taken out. I mean, after some of the things you’ve done to the women who’ve stood in your way, I was hoping for something a little less passive. But, things are working out. I’m sure of it.”

         Violet noticed something sticking out of one of the nearby open boxes cluttering the parlor. It was the hair of a doll she used to sleep with.

         “I remember this,” she said. “This is my stuff. From my old room. Why are you going through this?”

         Violet pulled the box closer to her, taking the doll out and laying it on her lap. It was an old rag doll, with twisted, red yarn for hair and big, brown eyes. She called her Sally and loved her because she felt like it was made just for her. There was a photograph sticking out of the edge of one of the pockets in Sally’s dress. Before Daisy could grab it, Violet had it in her hand and was looking at it.

         The picture had aged and turned brown and the edges were crinkled and torn. Thomas was standing there with two other men. One of them she recognized from the papers, Cal Calpresi, who wore a monogrammed ruby ring on his pinky. The other, however, she did not remember.

         Her heart started racing and she dropped the photograph to the ground. Her head was swimming, and she couldn’t seem to focus on anything. I knew what this was. I’d dealt with it so many times before. Daisy reached out and put her hand on hers, but, she jerked it away, trying to stand, but the room was spinning too hard. She crashed down onto the boxes, losing consciousness.

         In her head, she was a little girl again, sitting on the grass outside the old Donovan estate, playing with Sally. Her birthday had been just a few days before, and Daisy had given her a camera that developed its pictures instantly. In the driveway, Daisy was lounging on the hood of Thomas’ limousine, running a cube of ice over her neck and chest, trying to cool herself in the mid-July heat, while Thomas showed an ancient collector’s car that was in mint condition to Cal Calpresi and the other man.

         “Daddy!” Violet called, leaving Sally on the ground. “Let me take a picture!”

         Thomas elbowed the stranger, who was around his height and build, but, unlike Thomas, he had a full head of sandy blonde hair. Thomas’ hair was dark and thinning and he wasn’t in the same impeccable shape the other man was in.

         “Well, now, who are you?” Calpresi asked, kneeling down and looking at her.

         “My name is Violet,” she told him. “I just had a birthday and Mommy gave me a camera. Can I take your picture?”

         Calpresi winked at her. “Sure, you can.” Then, he stood back up and joined Thomas and the stranger, who were in front of the ancient car.

         Violet put the camera to her eye. “Okay, now, say cheese!”

         FLASH

         The camera spat out a picture. “Thank you!” she said, before skipping off to reclaim Sally and watch it develop.

         My eyes bolted open and Daisy was standing over me, patting my cheek and begging me to wake up. Or, rather, patting Violet’s cheek and begging her to wake up. I shoved her off of me and pulled myself to my feet.

         “Get away from me.”

         “Violet, honey, what happened? What’s wrong?”

         I looked at the picture lying on the ground between us. Bending down, I picked it up. There they were, Thomas, Cal Calpresi and Jeremy Glass, standing in front of that old car.

         “How careless can you be?” I asked her.

         “Iris.” She whispered. “Where’s Violet? Is she OK?”

         “She’s fine!” I said. “No thanks to you.” I ripped the picture up, letting the shredded remains of it fall back down on the floor. “Do yourself a favor and clean this mess up. And, the next time your daughter comes by to boast about her love life, try not to leave little reminders of your stupidity lying out in the open like that, hmm, Daisy?”

         Daisy sank down on the couch. “I’m trying to find those diary pages. I don’t understand why you have to do this, why you have to be so cruel.”

         I was surprised. Here, I thought Violet was the one with a selective memory. “I’m the cruel one? Have you forgotten what you did to your own daughter? Or, how about when you used her sickness, when you manipulated it, to off your husband, not because he’d helped make her sick in the first place, but because he’d found out the ugly truth about you and was going to leave you like everyone else leaves you when they find out what a disgusting little slut you are?”

         Daisy’s lip trembled and her eyes became distant and wet. “Stop it. Just, let Violet come back and I promise, I’ll find the diary pages. I‘ll do whatever you want, just stop saying these things.”

         “Let Violet out? No, I don’t think I’m going to do that. It’s my birthday, after all. I should be able to enjoy a little of it. Besides, we wouldn’t want her to distract you from the work you have ahead of you.”

         I glanced down once more at the shredded photograph on the ground, before turning and leaving.

***********************


         The thing about going for a drive without really thinking about where you’re heading, is sometimes you wind up someplace you never expected to be again. I realized that when I killed the engine of Violet’s car in the vacant parking lot outside of St. Bartholomew’s. I was angry. I don’t have access to a wide variety of emotions, but, I was accustomed to anger. Never like this, though. That picture, Violet’s quick retreat, she did that every time she saw him. And, every time it made me worry.

         Sometimes the heart remembers things the head forgets.

         There was a sign asking people to come in, to find God. “The doors are always open,” it said, but, it looked like no one was there. I thought, maybe I might go back in, see if cute priest was around. He didn’t run away screaming from me like they usually do, when I talked to him. Maybe I could talk to him again. I didn’t like feeling as if I needed to talk to someone.

         The church was big, but, it looked even bigger when it was empty and the sunlight was pouring through the big, stained glass windows. Someone had lit candles at the altar. None of the pews had people in them. None of the priests seemed to be around. The confessional curtains were pulled back, inviting someone to step in, even though no one was on the other side. I thought no one was there, so, I sat down in the first pew, across from the pulpit and the big cross on the wall, and, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I folded my arms, and I started laughing.

         “So,” I said, to whoever was listening, “I don’t even get places like this. People come here to talk about how good God is and how we should be kind and loving and gentle and, so long as we adhere ourselves to some book written fifty billion years ago and a social mandate that’s as restrictive and judgmental as it is prejudiced, we’ll spend eternity in Heaven. I guess, maybe, I have a question. If there’s anyone up there, maybe you can enlighten me. Maybe you can tell me how any god who boasts kindness towards our fellow man and has millions of followers could let something like this happen. Was it not enough that you stranded us on this planet with people like Thomas and Daisy? Did you have to let this happen, too? There are horrible people who lead these rich, full, happy lives and they never seem to suffer, but, we were just children. We were so little. And, you let this happen to us? Not that I believe in you or anything.”

         From the back of the church, I heard someone clear their throat. Was I crying? No, there must’ve been a leak in the ceiling or something and water dripped down on my face. I turned around to see the cute priest coming my way.

         “You’re the woman who was in here the other day, aren’t you?” He sat down next to me. “The voice, I remember it.”

         “Are you violating some rule by mentioning my previous confessions outside of the confessional?” I asked.

         “What do you care? You’re a nonbeliever, apparently.”

         He was so handsome. I couldn’t help but look at his face. It was so kind and so soft and smooth. His hair was so dark and his eyes were such a deep, dark blue that I thought I could stare into them for hours. I wondered how any man who looked as beautiful as this one did could sign his life away like this.

         “Are you alright?” He asked again when I didn’t answer him.

         “I’m not a big fan of organized religion,” I told him. “I’m not a big fan of religion in general. Something about the thought that someone other than me could be in control of my life. It doesn’t sit well with me.”

         He rested his arm on the back of the pew. That scent, the sandalwood and cinnamon or whatever it was, was so cheap yet absolutely intoxicating. “After you left the other day, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I knew I’d heard your voice before, and, that’s when it dawned on me. You’re that writer. I saw an interview you did a few months ago on the morning show on channel 4.”

         “No,” I wiped the ceiling water off my cheeks. “I’m not her.”

         “You sound exactly like her and you look exactly like the picture on the back of her books.” He said.

         “You people can read books like those?”

         “Ah, yes.” He smiled. “We can also listen to non-gospel music and, don’t tell anyone, but, sometimes, we watch non-g-rated movies. It’s part of the perversion our vows by society.”

         I laughed at him. He was funny. And, charming. And, handsome. And, a priest.

         “I’m not her,” I said again. “I’m not really sure who I am. Sometimes, I like to think I’m an entirely different person. I have my own thoughts and feelings and memories that are all independent of her. But, sometimes, I wonder if I’m anything more than some character she made up, some figment of her imagination, like the characters in those books she writes.”

         He didn’t understand. He looked at me like I was in the middle of some metaphor. “Then, who are you?”

         “My name is Iris. Today’s my birthday, actually. I don’t have a middle name or a last name. I guess it’d be the same as hers, Donovan, but, I don’t want anything to do with her family or its legacy.”

         “Alright, if you’re Iris, then, where is Violet?”

         I looked at him. Funny, no matter how I turned my head, that ceiling water kept dripping down on my cheeks. “She’s in the dark, right now. She’s in the place I go when she’s awake, a place where no one can hurt her.”

         He looked at me as if he was somehow intrigued by what I was saying. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he did understand. Could it be that there was someone out there who wouldn’t figure it out and want me to surrender, who wouldn’t want Violet to live and for me to disappear?

         “Are you the same person?”

         “More like two souls trapped in a place where there’s only room for one.”

         “And, that’s why you want to get rid of Violet? So, you don‘t have to share?”

         “No. It’s hard to explain. She and I, we’re like two incomplete files on a very small hard-drive. We both want to add other files, so we can be complete, but, neither of us can do that without deleting the other. She doesn’t know she’s incomplete, doesn’t know there’s this huge part of her missing. But, me, I know the things I’m missing, the ability to love, the ability to live freely, I can’t access those things until I’ve deleted her, because she’s using them right now.”

         “Violet is mentally unwell? She has no idea that she’s fractured in this way?”

         “None. I keep doing what I’m doing, trying to weaken her, to destroy her relationships, because they make her strong. The weaker she is, the stronger I am, the more control I have, the more I’m able to access. Everyone who finds out about her…me…they think I’m some bad thing, that, I’m an alien or something that’s possessed her, when I’m not. I’m a real person. I have thoughts of my own and feelings of my own and memories of my own. I feel physical ailments that she doesn’t and she feels physical ailments that I don’t. I took a life because someone told me if I wanted to protect her, it should be done. But, what makes her so special I should give my life for her, too?”

         My head was starting to hurt. She was starting to wake up. I could feel her resurfacing. It was like when your hand falls asleep because you’ve held a book for too long, the numbness fading into a tingling sensation before it goes back to normal, except, this was all over.

         “I have to go,” I told him.

         “Will you come back? I’d like to talk to you about this more.”

         I almost didn’t believe him. “You don’t think I’m some lunatic? You’re not going to tell me how unfair I’m being to Violet, then tell me to go see a shrink?”

         “I think you have a lot of demons to contend with and that you could use a friend, somewhere to go so you don’t have to keep things bottled up inside, until you’re comfortable taking the steps you need to take to reach that true completeness that you’re seeking. And, if you’ll let me, I’d like to offer you that.”

         Cute priest reached out and put his hand on mine.

         “I told you my name,” I said. “What’s yours? You people get names, too, right?”

         He smiled. “It’s Jude.”

         I smiled back. “Hey, Jude!”

         “Yeah, that one never gets old.”

********************************

         She couldn’t remember leaving the penthouse. That was good for me. She thought she’d fallen asleep again, and, when she woke up, she smiled at the roses Phillip sent her, remembering how happy she’d been the few hours before, when they’d arrived.

         Violet went out, as she’d planned, buying a dress at the boutique in the fashion square in uptown Vienna. The things in that place, people could buy houses for what dresses there cost. She bought a sequined, yellow dress that came down to just above her knee. It was so bright and sparkly and made our hair look like someone had set it on fire.

         When Phillip came home, he told her how nice she looked and she thanked him for the flowers.

         “Don’t look at me,” he said, “they’re probably from your secret admirer.” She thought he was just being coy. She couldn’t let go of the hope denial offered her, so, she didn’t push it.

         He wore his best tuxedo and she walked into the Pelican Landing on his arm looking like a bright, shiny penny.

         When she arrived, Alison was the first person she noticed. She was at the bar, wearing a mauve dress with a plunging neckline, her freshly-browned legs crossed as she sipped a glass of champagne. The second person she noticed was Luke, who was at one of the roulette tables set up in the corner. There was a brunette I didn’t recognize by his side. When he saw Violet and Phillip, he took his chips and the girl and started walking over, as did Alison.

         “My goodness,” Phillip said when Alison made it over to them. “You look beautiful.”

         Luke flinched, then introduced the girl by his side. She looked to be just a little older than Violet. “This is Jill. She’s new in town. I hired her a couple of days ago as a bartender for New Vienna.”

         She must’ve been the girl Sam was telling me about. The one who gave him such a bad vibe.

         Violet made fun of him. “New in town, huh? You don’t waste any time, do you?”

         Again, he flinched, as if he was not amused. She noticed this.

         “Hi,” Jill said.

         “Hey,” Luke patted Phillip on the arm. “Can I talk to you about something? In private?”

         “I was just going to speak with Alison about the Hanover acquisition, but, if it’s important, I suppose that can wait.” Phillip seemed bothered by having to spend a second away from Alison. Violet noticed this, too, and didn’t like it one bit.

         “Go on,” Alison said. “Your fiancée and I will entertain Jill, tell her all the juicy stories about you, Luke.”

         The Pelican Landing was a dining hall at the very top of the Vienna Heights Hotel. From there, you could see the entire city. There was a lower level, where dining tables had been replaced by poker and roulette tables, and an upper tier, where the walls were lined with slot machines on loan from some big wig in Vegas who used to go to St. Bartholomew’s.

         Luke and Phillip headed out, onto one of the balconies surrounding the Pelican Landing, just as someone else entered, ready to lay down his chips at the already busy fundraiser.

         This man was Cal Calpresi, and that old picture from Sally’s pocket did him no justice. He was a large man, tall, big, still wearing that monogrammed ruby ring on his pinky. There was a cigar hanging out of his mouth and an entourage of bodyguards around him.

         The mere sight of him sent Violet reeling again.

         Her heart, she was sure it was going to burst out of her chest it was beating so fast. She was cold and hot and was about to fall dead, right there in that very spot, she thought. “Oh God,” she whimpered, clutching her chest, struggling for breath. It felt like the walls were closing in on her.

         “Are you OK?” Alison asked her.

         “No.” Violet was becoming lightheaded.

         “Focus.” I whispered to her. “Don’t make a scene. Just close your eyes. If you close your eyes, you won’t be able to see him and I’ll get us out of here. I promise. I’ll take care of you. Just breathe.”

         Violet closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she was surrounded by the darkness.

         When I opened my eyes, I could see the concerned look on Alison’s and Jill’s faces as I held my hand up and told them, “I’m fine. I just need to go get some air.”

         I needed to go out the door, and to do that, I’d have to walk right past Calpresi. When I did, our eyes locked. I knew he remembered me, or, at least, remembered Violet, but, I wasn’t afraid of him. I walked out onto the balcony, waving them off when they tried to follow.

         I was so high up. All the cars, with their headlamps on in the darkness, looked like little speckles of light from so far up.

         Huge, stone pillars separated the individual segments of the balcony. On the other side of the one I was on, I could hear Luke and Phillip talking. I couldn’t help but listen in, even though I knew the trouble that’d gotten me into before.

         “Look, just take your money back,” Luke said.

         “No, I’m invested in this club. Luke, I have faith in you, I told you that. You’re my brother.”

         “Stop saying things like that,” Luke was frustrated. “Look, Violet doesn’t want you involved with this. She thinks I’m just going to screw you over like I screw everyone over.”

         I could hear Phillip laugh. “Violet just doesn’t like you. She doesn’t have any siblings, so, she doesn’t understand how strong the bond between brothers is.”

         Luke stayed firm with him. “I’m prepared to return every dime you put into New Vienna, plus interest. I just need you to sign everything over to me.”

         Phillip laughed at him. “You’re doing this because Violet’s uneasy. Violet’s just possessive of my money. She thinks you’re going to run off like you did with Dad’s money, but, I know you’re not going to do that. I know that you had reasons for doing whatever you did before. You’re my big brother, you’ve always looked out for me. Let me help you out, now. Don’t worry about what Violet says.”

         I couldn’t help but peek through the tiny crack between the wall and the pillar. Luke looked so angry at Phillip, pacing about. He was quickly out of my line of sight.

         “Do you even know how sick she is?” Luke asked. “She could have some rare disease or something and need the money you’ve put in New Vienna to get her better.”

         “I know she’s sick! She puked all over me this morning, ruined one of my better suits and I’ll never be able to wear that tie again. I had to change, which just made me late for my meeting with Alison.”

         “Alison!” Luke yelled. “Ever since she came back, you’ve been completely ignoring Violet and acting like some lovesick puppy with Alison. How do you think that makes Violet feel?”

         “Violet knows I love her! This is just business.” Now, Phillip was raising his voice. “And, what’s with this concern for my fiancée all of a sudden?”

         “Well, someone has to be concerned about her. You’re too busy being concerned about Alison, who wouldn’t even be here if I hadn’t given her insider information on acquiring the Hanover property.”

         Phillip scrunched his face up. “Why would you do that?”

         Luke moved up and leaned against the railing, looking down at the streets below. “My point is your relationship with Violet is going to fall apart if you don’t stop paying so much attention to your ex.”

         “I can handle my fiancée and my friendship with Alison.”

         “You think that?” Luke turned back to him. “You’re dumber than I thought. You can’t even see what’s happening right in front of your face. That girl you’ve got, she’s pretty special. She’s annoying and infuriating and her sense of humor is seriously lacking, but, she’s the type of loyal and the type of special that doesn’t come along very often. You’re lucky to have someone like her, and you’re throwing it away. You’re going to wake up one day and she’s going to have moved on to someone who loves her the way she loves you, and Alison’s going to leave you the same way she always leaves you, and you’re going to have no one to blame but yourself.”

         Phillip’s eyes were wide with fury. When he also moved out of my line of sight, I thought for a minute, he may have been so angry he could push him over the edge. I don’t think I would have minded that very much, in retrospect.

         Instead, he said only, “Whatever. I’ll be by in the morning to pick up my check.” Then, his face softened. He let go of the anger. He moved just so that I could see him put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I know you’re stressed out, but, if you keep this up, I’m going to start to think you’re falling in love with my fiancée.”

         He laughed, but, Luke wasn’t laughing.

         And, neither was I. I was wondering where he got this money from, and I couldn’t shake the feeling this had something to do with Calpresi showing up when he did.