Bye Bye Brandi - Star Commander Episode

Star Commander Season 1, Episode 15 - Bye, Bye, Brandi.

This is the season finale for Season 1. The crew goes on a missionary trip to Cosmocron 4. They fall in love the kids that they help. Star falls in lust with a staff member and destroys the planet. You get to see how the orphanage gets started and we introduce Bob. Bob is the overly friendly random guy that crashed on this planet and decided to build an orphanage here. I hope you enjoy. Please leave comments, I need the criticism. Please print out a Quick character sketch to reference the character as you read. Thank You.

-Geoff Cook




Printed on
6/14/2008
Film Type: Animated Comedy Series SEASON: 1
Film Length: 20 minutes (until canceled) EPISODE: 15

Bye Bye Brandi


SCENE 1 – Star is looking at a picture of Brandi and one of Angela and making comparisons. Then he cuts them up and switches their parts around. He ends up with a picture of a multi appendage version of the girls. It says The perfect Girl at the top. Every time he gets mad at Angela, the picture looks more and more like Brandi.

Fuzzywidget: Star, it appears that the Sexy Beast is in good working order.

Star: Yes, I have refrained from destroying it for nearly a month. Brandi has employed the use of many a Henson that would otherwise wander stray around the ship doing nothing.

Henson: What would you like me to do next sir?

Star: Go wander around, I’m busy. (Star is talking quietly so Fuzzywidget won’t hear)

Henson: What do you mean?

Star: Go do whatever you want.

Henson: Really?

Star: Really! Go!

Fuzzywidget: What was that?

Star: Uh, nothing. (A Henson pops in)

Henson: So what you’re saying is… (Henson gets Blasted)

Fuzzywidget: I am calling you to inform you that I will be relieving Brandi of duty.

Star: Good, she could use a break. Uh, sir there is some toilet paper on your face. (He looks like he overstepped his bounds by saying that.)

Fuzzywidget: Here?

Star: No, up a little higher.

Fuzzywidget: No Here?

Star: No, sir it’s… well you got some of it. oh never mind.

Fuzzywidget: Where is it… I may need it later.

Star: Maybe I should get a break like Brandi.

Fuzzywidget: She won’t be getting a break. She will join a team of eighteen other technicians on board the Veldor Leviathan, my premier special interest mission vessel.

Star: I thought this ship was your premier special mission something something.

Fuzzywidget: Uh... I am sending you on a missionary trip to Cosmocron 4. This will be your final mission with Brandi. I will send supplies.

Star: But professor, I recently decided that Brandi is a certified hottie, can’t we send a Henson?

Fuzzywidget: Hensons are stupid, I get the Hottie! Fuzzywidget out!

Star: Damn! This is my last opportunity to make my plan work. (He holds up his picture of the girls mixed together as a multi appendage creature as the crew enters) Now that’s hot!

Brandi: What did Fuzzywidget want? (She is carrying a toilet seat)

Star: I don’t know, he wants us to get into some missionary position or something on planet Cosmocron 4.

Brandi: That Ain’t gonna happen. (a Henson is helping her)

Ug: Oh, he must want us to go perform more missionary work on Cosmocron 4. These missionary trips are always quite exciting. I hope Professor Fuzzywidget has sent supplies for us.

Ernie: Hey Star, there are a bunch of berry bushes and cans of food being loaded in docking bay 7. (Ernie wanders in eating some berries and gives a few to Star)

Star: Don’t the Hensons usually work the docking bays?

Ernie: Yeah, there was a Henson there, but I wanted to be the one to tell you, so I killed him.

Star: OK, well let’s get to the docking bay and eat all the berries and rip all the labels off the canned food before everyone hears about it (A Henson pops his head in.)

Ernie: Why would we rip the labels off the canned food?

Star: Because, the girls won’t eat mystery meals and that puts us at an advantage.

Henson: Hey star, there are some bushes in … Ernie! Aaagh!

Ernie: Hey I let you live! Now you die! (Ernie Chases the Henson out the door)

Ug: Sir, I am quite sure that those berry bushes are for our missionary trip. Pop berry bushes are known for their ability to take root in almost any soil and produce a large amount of fruit throughout the year.

Angela: Commander, you forgot to hide the mission request. It says right here that those berry bushes are for the orphans on Cosmocron 4. If you eat one berry, I’ll report it to Fuzzywidget. (Star pops one in his mouth)

Star: Ha, what do you think of that?

Angela: This. (She gets Fuzzywidget on the screen, he is trying to turn his head fast and get the toilet paper off his face with his mouth)

Star: OK, fine. I won’t eat any more. (Star rips Angela’s arms off the picture)

Angela: Good, now let’s get on with the mission. (She turns around and he stuffs his face. The main screen goes off)

Star: What danger lies on the intrepid war zone known as Cosmocron 4? (His mouth is full, Angela glares at him.)

Ug: Cosmocron 4 is a peaceful planet used to house human children who have lost their parents. It is a very peaceful and serene planet. The planet does have small numbers of hostile creatures, but it would appear that their tendency would be to stay away from intelligent life forms.

Star: Well, it will be up to me to keep the crew safe from these creatures then.

Angela: Why, because they run from intelligent creatures and you are the bait?

Star: If you are the hunter.

Angela: So, as the hunter I own you, and choose to feed you to my prey. Sure.

Star: Uh, I was thinking of a sexy hunter that wants to get it on with her sexy bait.

Angela: No, I’m wearing gloves and you’re going in a trap.

Star: Damn. Angela set course for Cosmocron 4.

Angela: We’re never gonna get anywhere with this damn steering wheel. (The stick falls out and the steering column falls down.)

Star: Brandi, go fix that steering column so Angela will stop complaining about it. (He rips Angela’s mouth off the picture, now it looks more like Brandi.)

Brandi: Gee Star, I was only fixing another toilet seat that you broke, let me get right on that.

Angela: Don’t worry about it Brandi, you’ve been working non-stop since you got here.

Brandi: Thank you Angela. I see someone here actually cares about others. (She looks at Star)

Star: What, it’s not me. I only care about you.

Brandi: What? I’ll be in sector 15 getting some rest. (She is a little baffled)

Star: We have a sector 15?

Brandi: It’s new. (She leaves)


SCENE 2 – Brandi in Brandi land – The funest place to take a nap. She is on a princess style bed with cute little animals everywhere.


Brandi: Yeah! Time for a nap!


SCENE 3 – The ship flies through space and enters a blue spiral galaxy.


Angela: Where’s Brandi? I feel like I haven’t seen her in forever.

Star: She’s been working on a little project for me.

Ernie: Yeah, that little project is called fixing a smashed ship, brought to you by Commander Star.

Star: Commander Star, Cheeky in the morning with a full robust flavor that lasts all day long. (Angela is not impressed)

Angela: Oh, that’s right she actually went to take a break. She’s almost got all of your screw ups fixed.

Star: I know, that’s why Fuzzywidget is sending her away.

Angela: Away? What do you mean?

Star: She has fixed the ship, so Fuzzywidget is going to take her back.

Ernie: That’s terrible! I like her. Can’t he take you?

Star: Huh?

Ernie: You, Henson. Yeah, that’s right Henson. (Just as a Henson enters)

Henson: What?

Ernie: You’re still not dead? (Henson screams and runs. Ernie chases him out the door)

Angela: I’m gonna miss Brandi too. Isn’t there anything we can do?

Star: I’m afraid that this is our last mission with her. Now put your emotions on the back burner and land this vessel. (He turns and cries like a wuss) I want my Brandi. Boo hoo.

Ug: My display module demonstrates a location that is between the orphan’s housing facility and their water supply. It is suitable for landing and will provide the inhabitants easy access food and provide the plants with an ample water supply.

Angela: Thank you Ug, I see it. We’ll be on the ground in a moment. (She is sad)


SCENE 4 – The Surface of Cosmocron 4, The crew minus Star and Ernie go to the location to plant the pop berries.


Star: Crew, you go on and plant those bushes. Ernie and I will perform some maintenance on the ship.

(Brandi is in the background with Ug and Og laughing and having fun with the children Star and Ernie are at the ship)

Star: There, that ought to do it.

Ernie: Are you dumping our solid waste into their pond?

Star: Yes. I’d hate to think the people on this planet are running out of uh, corn oh and peanuts. Oh, and my watch. Ah, they can keep that.

Ernie: How did your watch get into the sewer? Did you flush it?

Star: Ernie it’s a long story involving bravery, sewer monsters and great personal loss.

Ernie: You saw something shiny in the toilet and tried to get it didn’t you?

Star: Yes.

Ernie: Well what are we doing with the nuclear waste?

Star: Ernie, you’re a genius. I made a good decision making my drunken frat buddy Deck Officer. (Star gives Ernie a friendly punch that knocks him over into the sludge)

Ernie: Well, I am good at destroying things. (Star pulls the lever that releases the nuclear waste. Instantly creatures start dying and mutating.)

Angela: Hey, I just helped Brandi plant the last of the pop berry bushes, I was thinking we could use the ship’s boring equipment to create an inlet that would get the water closer to the village. What the hell are you guys doing?

Star: Oh, look at this. Our ship is leaking.

Angela: That’s nuclear waste! You’re going to kill everything that lives by the pond! (They look around as creatures drink from the pond and die, then a glowing monster drinks and gets bigger and meaner)

Star: Well not everything. That guy is doing great. (He roars and eats a 2 headed goat)

Angela: I am so mad at you.

Ernie: Gee Star, look at what you’ve done.

Angela: Shut up Ernie, I’ve got enough anger to go around. And when Brandi finds out that you’ve hurt animals, you guys are toast. (She storms off)

Ernie: We’re dead.

Star: Not exactly. I have a plan. A plan that will save our hides. (Awkward Pause)

Ernie: What’s your plan?

Star: If we can capture Angela before she talks to Brandi, and …

Ernie: Your plan is getting away.

Star: AAAgh! Get her! I’ll clean this up. (He sits on the ground and relaxes) …later.

Ernie: I’m on it. Hey Angela! I want uh… to talk about my feelings. (He catches up)

Angela: What? Really? (She stops while he catches up. Star is kicking the hoses lazily)

Ernie: I uh, feel like uh (out of breath)

Angela: Like what an idiot? I can’t believe you guys, destroying the water source we’re trying to preserve.

Ernie: I feel like a … rock! (He picks up the rock.)

Angela: You feel like a rock? Solid is not how I’d describe you. You’re more like a fruit, sweet and harmless. But you’re finicky like a squirrel.

Ernie: OK, sure. (He hits her over the head)

Angela: Aaagh! That hurt!

Ernie: Sorry. Let me try again.

Angela: What? (He hits her and she passes out. Then he starts dragging her back to the ship by one ankle)

Star: Damn it! Get in there! (Star is getting buried in hose as he tries to put them away)

Ernie: Ok, I got her.

Star: Is she dead?

Ernie: No.

Star: Well don’t quit when the job’s half done. (Ernie is scared) Just kidding, throw her in the carbon freezing unit to cool her off for a few days while we make up a story to cover our asses.

Ernie: We don’t have a carbon freezer.

Star: Then stick her in the regular freezer and grab me a beer while you’re in there.

Ernie: You stuck our beer in the freezer?

Star: Yes, I like to get ‘em super cold and pull ‘em out just before they explode.

Ernie: But we’ve been out of the ship for like six hours, lounging around while the others were tricked into doing actual work.

Star: So, I put the beer in the freezer last week, what’s your point?

Ernie: They have probably exploded. Why’d you leave ‘em in so long?

Star: I was drunk when I did it, now go! I’ve got a lot of hoses to put away. Oh, and one to pull out. Please excuse me while I drain the … Oh, what’s that green crawly thing? Uh, let me shake the dew off the… Uh, what’s that flower called? I gotta piss. (He goes to the trees) And when you’re done with the frozen goods, put these hoses away.

Ernie: What? Oh fine. Oh, heavy stupid, why do you have to be such a goodie goodie? Tattle tail… (Mumble as he drags her feet first up the stairs)


SCENE 5 – Over by the bushes Og Ug and Brandi are talking to the local orphan kids.


Kids: Thank you for the bushes.

Kid2: Yeah!

Little girl: We love you!

Brandi: Hey, We did it for you guys, so you will always have fresh food. I hope you enjoy the new things we were able to bring.

Ug: Please remember the methods I taught you, so that the bushes will remain healthy and fruit bearing all year long.

Little girl: OK silly. (Star finishes his obnoxious display of urinating on the bushes and starts making his way over)

Kid 1: OK. Hey why is he wearing that thing over his head? (Whispering to Og)

Og: His face is scary. So who’s gonna give uncle Og a hug?

Kids: Eww! You stink!

Og: What?

Little girl: I’ll hug you, stinky.

Og: Awww, hey! (He hugs her, then realizes that she said stinky)

Brandi: When we come back in a month or so…

Ug: Brandi, we are on Cosmocron 4, we will be back in about one of their years.

Brandi: Really? I guess that explains why it was dark an hour ago.

Og: Yep everything goes by fast here. I’m already hungry again.

Brandi: Anyway, when we come back we will bring building supplies so we can build a small hospital and a lumber mill so you can harvest your own wood.

Ug: We hope that in future trips, you will become more and more self-sufficient and grow both as individuals and as a society.

Little Girl: You’re not gonna leave us when we’re suffic.. fufishent, are you?

Brandi: No, we’ll keep coming back.

Og: Oh, can we keep her?

Brandi: Yes.

Ug: We can not remove this child from her home, we are simply here to make her life more enjoyable.

Brandi: Oh, Ug we’re just kidding. (Og is stuffing a kid into his luggage)

Og: Oh, we are?


SCENE 6 – Ernie is stuffing Angela into the freezer


Ernie: Ugh! You weigh a ton!

Angela: Wwwwhat? (She is very out of it)

Ernie: Uh oh.

Angela: What’s going on?

Ernie: You went to get Brandi… some meat and uh, it fell on your head.

Angela: But she’s a vegetarian.

Ernie: Uh oh, you did it again! (Ernie picks up some meat to hit her over the head with)

Angela: Why is there beer in here? (Bonk)

Ernie: I knew it would explode. (The beer is frozen in an exploded shape)


SCENE 7 – Back at the Pop berry bushes – Star has made his way over


Star: Well crew, it looks like this is another mission that I completed successfully.

Kid 1: You stink!

Star: What? I just saved your village, defeated grotesque monsters and planted trees on their corpses.

Kid 1: There’s dead stuff under those bushes?

Kid2: Eww, I’m not eating dead berries! (The kids run away)

Brandi: Good work dumb ass, now the kids aren’t going to eat from the bushes we planted. And what grotesque monster did you defeat anyway?

Star: It was a snarly drooly thing that was violently aggressive. I had to mangle him with my bare hands.

Og: So what happened to the rabid squirrel you shot?

Star: Uh he’s in there too.

Brandi: There’s nothing but a dead rabid squirrel in there is there?

Star: No.

Brandi: Murderer.

Star: He was rabid!

Brandi: You were rabid for a month!

Star: And you shot me.

Brandi: I only shot you once.

Star: I only shot the squirrel once.

Ug: Actually commander, as I recall, you fired at the creature twelve times while he was in the tree. That was enough to scare the children away before the squirrel lost his grip and fell to the ground where you shot the incapacitated squirrel another six times and hit it twice. Then you buried it under…

Star: Enough! I don’t need a full account of everything I do. You probably have record of my trip to the bathroom.

Ug: Which trip? Considering that you used the restroom six times and defecated in the hole we planted this bush in …

Star: Enough!

Og: You sicken me.

Brandi: Yeah, wait you used the trash can earlier didn’t you?

Og: I didn’t think you saw that.

Brandi: You used the trash can that was right next to me. Go dump the trash to redeem yourself.

Og: Ok.

Star: Put that can down.

Og: Why?

Star: I need to use it.

Brandi: I’m leaving.

Og: Why? Oh, yeah, me too. (He acts disgusted at Star) Hey tell me when you’re done.

Brandi: Og!

Og: Coming.

Ernie: Commander, we accidentally drained the coolant when we were dumping our waste. Now we can’t take off until we get some more.

Star: We’ll have to find a source of coolant nearby, steal it and burn the evidence.

Ernie: Ok, the scanners are picking up a warehouse full of the same coolant we use.

Star: OK, let’s steal it from the orphan’s warehouse. I hear they have a guano system just like ours.

Ernie: I’m locking in the coordinates and can print out schematics if you want.

Star: I want. Now bring me beer, a lock pick, and the schematics of the warehouse.

Ernie: Yes sir.

Hot chick: Thank you so much for everything. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Star: Huh? Oh, You know I pride myself on my sheer compassion for children or whatever. Amongst other attractive things I do.

Hot Chick: Wow, what else do you do?

Star: I have been known to be a bit of a hero, when necessary. Do you remember the planet Zarconia?

Hot Chick: The planet that no one knows much about because it and all the records associated with it blew up?

Star: Exactly. Living on planet Zarconia, I had to learn how to be a hero everyday. One time a mechanical monster came out of the sea, I don’t know how he got there, and I don’t care. All I knew was that I had to save the village people.

Hot Chick: Like YMCA?

Star: No, like get your pitchforks, rocket launchers and torches.

Hot Chick: Oh, the villagers.

Star: They were going to try to slay the monster, bad idea for hundreds of men armed with puny missile launchers. I knew I had to step in. So there I was, as unprepared as possible, you see I was modeling underwear for a dollar store catalog at the time and my glistening butt cheeks were busy sassing the camera…


SCENE 8 – Brandi, Ug and Og talk to Bob


Brandi: Where’s Angela I feel like I haven’t seen her in an ice age.

Og: She’s probably cooling off in the ship, it’s hot out here. (Shot of her frozen, falling over, her hair breaks)

Bob: Welcome, uh Sexy Beast crew. Did I say that right?

Ug: Yes sir, you did. My name is Ug, and I speak for all of us when I say we are happy to be of service to your people, (He belches and a bush comes up with it)

Brandi: Grrrr

Bob: Thank you, Ug.

Og: I’m Og.

Bob: I thought he was Og.

Og: He’s Ug, I’m Og.

Brandi: Og is the smelly one, I remember because when he walks by I say Oh Gee, who crapped their pants. You know O G spells Og.

Bob: I see. Eww, I also smell.

Og: Secrets out, it was me. When do we eat?

Bob: Well, you provided us with an abundance of canned mystery food and the bushes you planted will provide even more food for us. Please come inside and join us for lunch before it’s dark again.

Kid: I’m not eating those stinky dead berries.

Bob: That’s a terrible thing to say.

Kid: You’re a terrible cook. You burned our hot dogs.

Brandi: Oh, anyone can accidentally burn a hotdog.

Kid: He was boiling them and they caught on fire.

Brandi: Well that is kind of hard to do.

Bob: Well I fell asleep and the water boiled away, then the Teflon peeled. I woke up when the hotdogs started exploding and burning chunks flew at me.

Og: It’s so cool in here! I think I need an Ug outfit.

Bob: I thought you were Ug. (Og stands near Bob so he can get a sniff) Oh, Hi Og.

Brandi: Og, if you get an Ug outfit, it would be impossible to tell you two apart.

Bob: Nah, just look for the tall, stinky one.

Og: Thanks, so Bob, can I call you bob?

Bob: That’s my name, so no.

Og: Oh, um… so how do you keep it so cool in here?

Bob: well, the cooling system works with a mineral oil that is always getting recycled so it rarely needs maintenance or any more fuel. It’s a very cheap system to operate.

Brandi: So your coolant system uses an earth based polycarbonate chain derived from petroleum?

Bob: What’s an earth?

Brandi: Is the coolant manufactured by a company called Pterodactyl Guano?

Bob: Yes.

Brandi: Then it’s an earth product. (Ug inhales his food and starts reading books)

Ug: That was delicious. Do you have a library?

Bob: Yes, it’s in the next room.

Brandi: A Guano system is cheap to run but very expensive to install. It is usually only used in space vehicles. How did you end up with one?

Bob: Well, when I crashed here fifteen years ago, I built this building out of the materials at hand. There were plenty of rocks, mud and trees around. I used my tools to gather rocks and split lumber. Then I used what was left of my ship to give the building all of the conveniences of a modern home. Want another nuclear reactor dog?

Og: Yummy! They make my glands feel funny, but you can eat them in the dark.

Brandi: Oh, so the cooling system on your ship was converted to use here on land, like your nuclear reactor uh, oven?

Bob: Uh, well, I just turned all the vents off in the ship but one and ran a tube over to the building.

Brandi: Oh. Well that works too.

Bob: Luckily I had plenty of backup Guano juice to keep things cool during our long summers.

Og: How long does summer last here?

Bob: Earth time, it’s like two weeks, stinky. (Kids are running from Og)

Kid: Outside was open air, you’re killing me in here.

Og: Hey, I have no choice but to stink. Soap’s expensive.

Brandi: We have offered you free showers on the ship any time you want one.

Og: I don’t want one. (Screaming from the back) I don’t smell that bad.

Brandi: I don’t think it’s you.

Og: Thanks for covering for me.

Kid: That monster ate Matey!

Og: Matey? You have pirates here?

Brandi: What monster?

Kid: The one you brought!

Brandi: Oh, no it’s Ug.

Ug: Please, do not be frightened. I do not mean you any harm.

Brandi: Ug, did you eat their pet?

Ug: I… I don’t know.

Brandi: Ug…

Ug: It looked like an invader to me. (He coughs up a leash and collar.)

Brandi: What kind of invader do the kids keep on a leash?

Ug: How do you know a kid was holding that leash?

Brandi: That’s why. (She pulls on it and a kid comes out of his mouth.)

Ug: Oh, hello there.

Eaten kid: Thank you.

Brandi: No problem. Ug, you shouldn’t eat strangers.

Ug: I don’t usually.

Brandi: Are you OK?

Eaten kid: Yeah, I’m fine. I actually got some relief from the smelly guy. You smell worse than his stomach! (Og hits the table)

Og: Can I get my glowing weenie to go?


SCENE 9 – Star and the hot chick are sitting on a bench talking


Star: So there I was. It was either me or the beast and I didn’t feel like dying that day.

Hot chick: Oh! What did you do?

Star: I aimed with a steady and might I add sexy hand, fought back a tear of pure compassion for one of God’s creations, and fired. (He shoots a gorilla)

Hot chick: What was that?

Star: Nothing.

Hot chick: So did you hit the monster? (A gorilla is slowly dying in the woods)
Gorilla: Me just want banana.

Star: Right between the eyes.

Hot chick: But I thought you said it had twenty eyes.

Star: For someone with my skill, that makes it even easier.

Hot chick: Wow, I’m just glad you’re ok.

Star: Me too, now I can share my stories of valor with the up and coming generation to inspire them to strive for heroism and all that is true and good in this universe.

Hot chick: Oh, Star! (She starts kissing him)

Brandi: Are you still talking about that damn squirrel?

Star: Brandi, I’ll tend to your rodent problems later.

Hot chick: What squirrel?

Star: There was this squirrel…

Brandi: That almost killed star until he actually hit it with his laser. He almost ran out of laser charge before he killed it.

Hot chick: I didn’t know that was possible, those things shoot forever.

Star: Anything is possible when you have the skills and the proper equipment to carry out the task at hand.

Ernie: Hey Star, here’s your beer, the coordinates to the children’s warehouse and your lock picking equipment, sir.

Brandi: Your tools have arrived, oh skilled one.

Hot chick: You were going to break into our warehouse and steal from us?

Star: No, No, No. Not was going to, am. And It’s not stealing when you leave something of true value behind.

Hot chick: Like what?

Star: Want an exploded beer, milady?

Hot chick: Do I? (Instantly a party breaks out and everyone is dancing)

Star: Yeah, baby! (Then back to reality)

Hot chick: How could you? (She runs away)

Star: You know what was going on inside my head was so much cooler.

Brandi: Idiot.

Star: Well we better go steal that coolant.

Ernie: Yeah, we’ll never get out of here if we don’t steal some more. I mean we dumped most of it and used the rest up freezing Angela.

Brandi: Angela? Where is she?

Ernie: Uh, she went to get you some meat you wanted.

Brandi: I’m a vegetarian.

Ernie: I know, I tried to tell her that. But when she went into the freezer, she bonked her head on some meat and no one has found her yet.

Brandi: How would you know that unless you hit her and left her there.

Ernie: Lucky guess.

Brandi: I’m gonna save her before you freezer burn her brain.

Star: Fine, you waste your time doing that and Ernie and I will be doing real work stealing some coolant.

Brandi: Bob said we can have whatever we want because we have done so much to help them.

Star: Ah, crap. Let’s get out of here.

Brandi: You want a glowing weenie for the road? (She has nuclear weenies in a bag.)

Star: Nah, those things make my glands tingle. Let’s pack up and head out. Ernie put that uh, equipment away.

Brandi: Thief.

Star: You are the thief.

Brandi: What are you talking about?

Star: You stole my heart, my young beautiful toilet seat fixer.

Brandi: What?

Ernie: Let’s go. Why are you talking to Brandi like that?

Star: I’m a fool in love.

Brandi: That’s half true, fool. Now go unfreeze Angela!

Star: The things I do for love.


Back on the Ship – Angela is shivering and being chiseled out of ice


Star: Crew, congratulations on the mission. Unfortunately I have a very sad announcement to make. Brandi will be leaving us to go back to work for Fuzzywidget. (Everyone seems disappointed)

Brandi: What?

Star: Chill out babe, everyone else is taking it pretty cool.

Angela: Everybody else already knows. (Shivering)

Brandi: Why wasn’t I told?

Star: I wanted to make it easy on you, so I waited until the last minute.

Angela: I’ve already set course, we’ll be there in a few minutes.

Brandi: Where am I going?

Angela: You are going to join the 18 technician crew of the Veldor Leviathan. It’s Fuzzywidget’s other special something mission vessel.

Brandi: I know about it. It’s a very prestigious ship. This will be a definite upgrade.

Star: Don’t thank me, I just arranged for your upgrade.

Brandi: Well no thank you.

Star: Now everyone leave, I have a few things to discuss with Brandi before she goes.

Ernie: He’s going to ask her to fix his toilet seat one last time. (He is talking to Angela as he wheels her out on a dolly.)

Brandi: What do you want?

Star: I just want to enjoy my last moments with you. I will never see you again.

Brandi: I didn’t think you cared. Wow, look at that beautiful super nova.

Star: Yep, the exploding star you see before you is flash frying our DNA now, but soon it will become a black hole, sucking in and crushing everything around it.

Brandi: You really have a way with words don’t you.

Star: Words Ain’t what I is good at.

Brandi: Nothing is.

Star: Kiss me you fool!

Brandi: See what I mean? (Brandi shrugs her shoulders and kisses Star)

Star: That didn’t do anything for me.

Brandi: Yeah, me either. What was I thinking? (There is knocking, Star opens it)

Angela: We’re closing in. I need to steer around to the back of the ship, so we can land on a dock.

Brandi: I’ll go get my things.

Star: Have fun Brandi.

Brandi: Thanks for the help. (She leaves)

Angela: Uh oh, I can’t steer! It’s… what’s wrong with this thing?

Star: Brandi, Angela is complaining about her steering wheel again. Please get your ass in here and fix it.

Angela: There is no time! We’re gonna crash!

(The Sexy Beast crashes into the Veldor Leviathan. The crash actually pushes some of the mangled engine wreckage back into place, doing some of the repair work on the ship.)

Star: Is everyone alright?

Ug: I think so.

Angela: Yeah, we’re all fine.

Star: Good. Start massaging me and get me more beer.

Ernie: No way man!

Angela: Screw you.

Fuzzywidget: What the hell happened?

Angela: I’m sorry, the steering is busted, we lost control… we can’t…

Star: It was all Brandi’s fault. She never fixes anything…

Fuzzywidget: It was going to take all of our technicians months to push that engine back into place. Now it will only take a few weeks.

Star: Not to take all the credit, but I did it all by myself.

Angela: Jackass.

Fuzzywidget: Well, I guess I won’t need Brandi after all. But it looks like you might.

Star: I think we could find a use for her. (Ship backs away in a total wreck)

Brandi: What the hell happened? I was packing my luggage, when it fell on me, then I looked out the window and a random chunk of wood with duct tape floated by my window.

Star: I saved your job.

Brandi: You mean I’m staying here?

Angela: I’m sorry Brandi. You almost got away from these idiots.

Brandi: I don’t know, I think if I left I’d be leaving more behind than just a job. I’d be leaving my family

Star: Brandi, I’m glad you’re here.

Brandi: Thank you Star.

Star: Now the ship has lots of repairs that need to be made.

Brandi: I think I’m going to take a break right now in sector 15. I’ll watch the super nova from there.

Star: It is a magnificent sight isn’t it?

Brandi: Yep. With all that flash frying and sucking and killing, explosions… (as she leaves)

Angela: So, what was going on back there?

Star: What do you mean?

Angela: I think you’re glad that Brandi is staying.

Star: Of course, she is an asset to this vessel.

Ernie: Yeah, I saw you checking out her assets earlier.

Star: You guys are confused. What we have here is a vicious love triangle. Brandi wants me, I want Angela and Angela, uh, wants Brandi?

Angela: Ugh. For a second there, I actually thought you were human.

Ug: Technically Commander Star’s genetic configuration…

Angela/Star: Shut up Ug! (Closing credits)

Star: Angela, can you fly this thing back home? I’m tired.

Angela: Alright, here we go. (The ship flies by the camera as the screen goes black) Hey where’s my steering wheel? (Crash)


(Run credits)





Audio Guide


Spoken into Video Relayer, or Command display

Spoken over the ship’s loudspeaker system

Spoken over personal communicator