The DSM Zoo

The DSM Zoo

Welcome to the zoo
I'm very pleased to meet you
I hope you will see
A wide variety
Of dysfunctions and syndromes,
Some you have in your own home
So pick one or two to represent your kids
Then pick another, one that you fit
For we are all critters, none better or worse
And we all have something, go ahead, pick yours.
Are you Depressed, ODD, Bipolar or Mean
Have Aspergers, Autism, or ADHD?
Are you anxious, addicted, do you have ESP?
Were you abused, neglected, have PTSD?
Are you up or down, thin or wide
Are you what you wear, are you happy inside?
So please take a stroll through the DSM zoo
It’s a classroom of kids very much like you.

The Monkey
His foot was shakin’ but he was in his seat
Till the teacher walked out and off went his feet
Across the room to find some glue
Then walking back, he tripped on a shoe
The kids began to laugh and pick
So he entertained them with a trick
Climbing upon the teacher’s chair,
He jumped and twisted in the air
And said, “Hey kids, look at me
I’m the silliest monkey you ever did see.”

The Cat
She found the desk away from the crowd
And took out her book and started to frown
How could she read with all that noise
She wished the school would get rid of boys
The collar of her shirt was itching her neck
She couldn’t find her pen, her purse was a wreck
Where was the teacher? Was there mutiny in the room?
And why was this boy acting like a buffoon?
She wished she could climb a faraway tree
And enter her mind where lived castles and queens.


The Alligator
He sat and stewed
Said words so lewd
His name was on the board
For swinging a sword
Made of wood and lead
At the teacher’s head
The kids made him mad
But he knew he wasn’t bad
Most of the day
If he gets his way
But if things don’t go just right
Watch out, he will BITE.

The Hawk
He watched the little kid
Plotting as he did
How to get the boy alone
So he can show him how its done
At recess there are rules in play
The little kid will learn the way
He shouldn’t act when the boss is around
After all, his territory is this playground
One kid has glasses, she’s blind as a bat
One wears silly clothes, another is fat
They’re all like little mice, afraid and hurt
By the predator on the prowl, hungry and alert.


The Tortoise
Last one off the bus, late for class
Has to go to the office to get a pass
The other kids wait for him to get done
So they can go to recess and have some fun
But he’s always so slow, and he can’t pay attention
To lectures, or reading, or even multiplication.
Kids call him stupid, and he thinks he’s dumb
They say he picks his nose and sucks his own thumb
But really he’s smart, about trains and cars
And medieval weapons and wars.
But once each day, he’s alert and eager
It’s social studies class, and he knows more than the teacher.
But nobody cares to hear the history of England
They just want him to shut up and lower his hand

I hope you enjoyed your visit to the DSM Zoo
If your scratching your head, I’ll enlighten you
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
Of Mental Disorders, now has a fourth edition too.
Filled with illnesses, dysfunctions, and misfits alike
Every person in world would find their type

But where is the book of Interesting Traits
That lists our strengths, our gifts and gives praise
For the creative, smart, crafty, alert,
Observant, mechanical, healers of hurt,
The open and honest, friendly and sweet,
Who can harness energy to cool and heat,
Who can sense and feel the world as it is
Or can dream and imagine a book such as this.

What would we call it?  It must have a name?
So the Library of Congress can issue a claim.
How ‘bout the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
    Of Gifts and Talents Observed in Mankind.
Now that’s one DSM Zoo I hope someday to find. 


Feel free to cut and paste this into the message section. 
SURVEY (aka: something to think about)


Which animal do your personality traits most align with?


Is there a diagnosis I missed or an animal or "type" you think needs to
join the DSM Zoo?





Can you diagnose the critters above? If so, what DSM IV diagnos(es) (could be more than one) do the animals correspond to, in your opinion?



What gifts are associated with each animal or "type"?





Comments/Suggestions?




Okay:  This is my comment.  Sorry so long and you are welcome not to read it.

If you are in any way offended by what is written above, please read the following before you pass judgement.  I have had a comment sent to me recently and I understand that those in different countries and different cultures view mental illness and view certain animals in different ways.  Therefore, I am writing what I meant by this poem for those for whom the words or meaning rub them the wrong way. 

Please understand there is nothing in this item meant to belittle the mentally ill or those with diagnoses of any sort.  On the contrary, this is written to help us think of ourselves as unique individuals with various gifts and talents that, while they may not work well with certain careers or school environments, they are nevertheless gifts and talents that should be appreciated as they are.  The mention of animals in this piece in no way suggests a derogatory connotation.  Rather, in the US at least, there is a joke about dogs and cats.  While a dog might say, "you feed me and take care of me, therefore you must be my master",  a cat would say "you feed me and take care of me, therefore I must me your master".  There are definite differences between how different animals socialize, whether they are standoffish or excited to see a fellow animal, grouchy, quick to bite, cautious, quick, playful, etc.  These are merely characteristics we know about certain animals.  They are what they are.  No apologies, no judgement. 

While we humans may need a diagnosis to get insurance to pay for treatment or medication (which I, in NO way, am speaking against), a person is not their diagnosis.  Their diagnosis may describe a batch of characteristics that are similar to others with the same batch of characteristics.  This allows us to have a revelation that, "Gee, there is a reason why I act like that or feel like that, biochemical or otherwise, and others out there are like me.  I feel better now.  And I can get treatment and others will quit looking at me like I am purposely acting out or sad or whatever, and realize there is a treatable reason why I am like this."  This is along explanation to show that I do understand the need for a DSM or at least a need to get diagnosed at times, to get treatment, keep your job or marriage, your sanity, whatever. 

Back to the animals:
Like a cougar, a housecat and a Tiger.  There are characteristic which make them fit in the "Cat" category (whiskers, long tail, good eyesight, etc.) but there are differences too (you don't call a tiger "kitty" and let them sleep at the foot of your bed).  And then, there are the differences in the "soul" of each cat.  You have two cats at home - one might be lovable and playful, one might just as well scratch you as look at you.  Herein lies the soul of us humans, the soul which is unique and talented in their own right and made up of experiences, memories, thoughts, feelings, and a purpose in their life. 

I want people to get beyond the old, "She's got XYZ, so what can she offer." I say, hold and and lets look. What does she love? What is she good at or passionate about? Not just ask, "When's the last time she had an episode or what medicine is she taking?" 

Anyway, please feel free to write me in this survey and let me know what you think, anonymously or with your name.  Again, NO judgement here.  I try to see good in everyone and there IS good in everyone, it's just hard to find sometimes when people are contantly made to feel they aren't good enough. 

Thank you if you read all this.  I hope this clarifies things a bit. 

SWPoet