Who Killed The Red Hat Momma?

Who Killed The Red Hat Mama?

  Five women, all in their seventies, decide to treat themselves to lunch out. This day has been planned for two weeks. It took that long to get their schedules in sync. They are dressed to the nines. Each lady is wearing crocheted gloves, nine foot long feather boas, fish net stockings, bright purple dresses and giant red hats for the occasion. Their huge hats with feathers and bows are quite a sight for the people of the business world.

  The Maitre D is flustered as they walk in and tell him they have a reservation. He is hoping they have the wrong restaurant, but there is the name she gave him, Henrietta Highnote. He looked up at all the jewelry, dripping from these old gals. He realizes he could retire with just one hand of any of these women. He takes a deep breath and leads the women to their table. He wonders how Washington D.C. will react to these horribly dressed women. Why did they come to his restaurant? How embarassing.

  Heads are turning as the women parade by. The dining room is filled with Lawyers and Senators having power lunches. Tastefully dressed women from the Country Club, are shocked that older women would dress in such a way.  Don’t they have children to keep them in check they think?

  The wait staff can hardly keep from laughing, but they take the ladies orders and serve their drinks and appetizers. Shrimp cocktails all around, with two iced teas and three waters with lemon.

The five women were, Henrietta Highnote, Francine Freatly, Mary Morris, Jane Jansen, and Sara Safer. The names seem strange because they are stage names given to each woman at the start of thier careers. These women belong to a Red Hat club. A Red Hat club is for women who do not want to go into their golden years peacefully. They go kicking and screaming and learning how to spit! They want to start to enjoy life and have fun. They want to play door bell ditch and pick flowers from others' gardens. They have been responsible and hard working. Women that have dedicated their lives to taking care of children and husbands and parents. Finally, they have the freedom to do what they want to do and they’re taking advantage of it.

Most Red Hat clubs are made up of women of similar backgrounds or hobbies. For instance the “Red Crafty Ladies” is one group made of women that enjoy doing crafts together. The women in this club are called “The Red Hot Modeling Mammas”, because they were all models until they married.  Each surrendered their careers to husband, hearth, and home. With all they have in common, there is plenty that divides them.

  Francine tries to keep the ladies from quibbling too much. She is the peacemaker and a real Southern Belle. Impeccable manners.

Henrietta is high strung, but quite the homemaker. She makes everything from scratch. Unfortunately for her friends, she makes them try all her homemade concoctions.

Mary is plain tempered and  soft spoken. Some might call her boring. But her beauty got her a very wealthy husband.

Jane is what years, ago would have been called a floozy. She is a widow with nothing to do but stir up trouble. She thinks Mary's husband is fair game.

Sara is the brains. She doesn't rely on her husband for funds. She learned years ago to invest well.

  Mary is quite certain that Jane is after her husband. Jane knows this and does all she can to perpetuate the idea.

  "Mary"?, "How is Andrew doing these days"? Jane asks. "I haven't seen him in so long".

  "Why he's just wonderful Jane". Always the lady, Mary replies, "Couldn't be any happier at all"! "It's like we're on a second honeymoon all the time"! "Why don't you ask about the other husbands dear"?

  Francine pipes in before Jane has a chance to answer Mary. "Ladies, let's not start that tired old argument again"! "Jane, Andrew is Mary's husband stop asking about him and get your own guy"! We're here to enjoy this lunch and I for one, intend to enjoy it. If you two want to snipe at each other, kindly seek another table, else be quiet about that"!

"Henrietta dear, just what are you stirring into my iced tea"? asks Francine.

  Henrietta looks a little sheepishly about being caught and says, " Oh it's a honey mixture I made up the other day. You and I are the only ones drinking iced tea so you get to be my guinea pig. I think it's wonderful, I'm sure you will like it too".

  "Hmmm, we shall see my dear". Francine takes a sip and starts coughing wildly!  After she gains control she asks "And just what did you put in that concoction of yours Henrietta"?

  "Just some herbs and honey. Actually, it's chalk full of  things that are good for you. Look it's not making me cough". She takes a big gulp of her tea and smiles brightly.

  Jane is upset with Francine for interupting her fun again. "Francine, Why do you insist in trying to tell me how to behave"? "I'll have you know I have gotten along alot of years before you came into my life and I am tired of you being the Queen Bee"!

  "Jane"! Sara speaks sternly but at a whisper. "Francine is the Queen Bee of our chapter"! We have had enough of that now if you want to stay and have lunch with us behave, or you are quite welcome to leave". "We don't need a scene". Everyone obeys. Somehow Sara always seems to take control of the situation.

  Everyone is quiet for a few minutes then the salads arrive. Beds of Romain lettuce with carmelized scallions and red onions. With carrots, cucumbers,and boiled eggs. All sprinkled with chopped pecans and sliced strawberries, with Poppy seed dressing.  The chatter is pleasant for now. The women talk about the next outing they will go on. They take a vote and decide to visit the Capitol Building and go on a tour.

  Francine and Mary excuse themselves to the ladies Powder Room. While they are gone Jane decides to get even with Francine for trying to make her behave all the time. She bides her time because she knows Henrietta will give her the opportunity. While Hennie is showing and telling of her homemade honey blend to Sara, Jane strikes. Jane knows Francine is slightly allergic to "Sparkling Diamonds" perfume, so she quietly spays a little onto Francine's napkin. She'll enjoy watching Francine sneeze. She knows Frannie will be embarassed.

  Sara wonders what could be keeping Francine and Mary so long? Just as she decides to go check on them she sees Mary, then Francine comes into sight.

  All five women are enjoying their salads, when the main courses are served a little too soon. Broiled Tuna for three of them. Alaskan Salmon for one and a thick New York Strip steak for Jane. Jane doesn't eat like the other ladies.

  Just as the dessert cart is coming by Francine starts sneezing and sneezing and coughing. How embarassing. She excuses herself to the ladies Powder Room.. She waves Sara and Mary away as they try to come with her.

"No, I won't hear of it"! "You two stay right here and have dessert I'll be right back". Everyone in the elegant restaurant can hear her coughing and sneezing. The Country Club women are hoping she's not contageous. She shouldn't be out in a public place if she's sick, they think to themselves.

  "What could possibly have happened to make Frannie sneeze like that"? asks Henrietta.

  Jane shrugs her shoulders as the other women offer different scenarios like allergies, and wrong pipe etc...

  The four women at the table have finished their desserts and ordered coffees. They wonder why, Francine has been gone for fifteen minutes when they hear a heart stopping scream. All heads in the restaurant turn toward the scream. It sounded as if it came from the direction of the Ladies Powder Room.

  Sara hops to her feet. She starts toward the Powder Room followed by Mary There is a crowd around the entrance and they can't see in. The Maitre D aka. Mr. Smythe, is turning everyone around and making them go back to their tables.

"Please everybody, just return to your tables all is well a lady just fainted. We have a Doctor in there. Please return to your lunches". He is making that shooing jesture with his hands and he spots Sara and Mary. Sara makes eye contact with him and he signals for her to follow him. He walks to a small foyer where the telephones are elegantly set upon Queen Anne desks with beautiful Chippendale chairs.

  "What is it" asks Sara? Mary is standing behind her looking very pale.


  "Well, I'm not certain how to start so I must be blunt. Please excuse me for that. I'm afraid I told a fib back there. You see the Lady in question is one of your group, and she did not simply faint but we are quite sure she's dead. We have called the Police and an ambulance but she is definately one of your group".

  Gasping, Sara blinks trying to understand what she just heard. Mary, of course faints.

  "Oh dear", says the Maitre D as he helps Sara move Mary to a chair and fan her. "My, my, my, what a day"!

  The resaurant Manager Mr. Parve' whispers into the Maitre D's ear. More whispering back and forth as both men shake their heads. Finally Mr. Smythe speaks to Sara.

  "Madam, this is Mr. Parve', the restaurant manager. The Maitre D turns on his heels and leaves.

" Excuse me dear ladies,I understand the lady in question was with your party"?

  "Y-yes she was". answered Sara. "I have to go tell the rest of our party"

  "I have already sent a waiter to bring them here." "This is much more private".

  "Thank you, that's very kind of you".

  "Wh-what happened to Francine"? whispers Mary. 

  Jane and Henrietta are escorted by a policeman and a waiter to the Foyer. The four ladies all hug they try to comfort each other, and many tears are flowing. They simply cannot believe their beloved friend is dead.

  "Ladies, my name is officer Dunham. I've been asked by Detective Mumford to have you women stay here until he has a chance to talk to you. He should be here in a few minutes. Uh, also I' very sorry for your loss".
  Officer Dunham rests in one of the Chippendale chairs, but keeps an eye on the funny dressed ladies. He secretly hopes his mother does not hear about this club for older ladies. She's a little off her rocker already. The last thing he needs is for her to start dressing like them! It's bad enough she bakes cakes and sets them outside to feed the birds and squirrels"!
  Sara, Jane, Henrietta, and Mary huddle together and wonder what could have possibly gone wrong. They wait for what seems to be hours but was actually only forty-five minutes.
  "Henrietta", asks Sara, "Just what did you put in your homemade honey blend"? "Do you think she was allergic to something in it"?

  "What is that suppose to mean"? Henrietta snaps back. "You think I poisoned her"?

  "Of course not" says Mary. "What Sara meant was perhaps unknowingly you may have put in an ingredient that Frannie was allergic to". "Nobody said anything about poison"!

  "What's all this talk about allergies"? "No one dies from allergies" says Jane.

  "Actually, ladies, you can die from allergies" says a nicely dressed young man that came around the corner.
  "Hi, my name is Jim Mumford. I am the Detective on the case. The Medical Examiner is just about finished and after I get some answers from you four, you can go home".
  "First of all, the victim didn't have her purse with her so I have to ask who is she"?

  "Her name is Francine Freatly" answers Jane. "Why did you call her a victim"?

  "I'll ask the questions for now. Later you can". "Ok, now, do any of you have the phone number or address of a relative we can contact"?

  "Of course Detective we all do" answers Sara. While Sara reaches into her purse, Detective Mumford makes a mental note that Sara is indeed the one that takes charge. The other women are followers. Sar writes on a piece of paper and hands it to the detective.
 
  "When I came around the corner I heard talk about poison and allergies. Would you ladies care to explain"? "That's OK, you don't need to answer that, I really need to talk to you individually. "Let's see, who wants to be first"?
  Henrietta, raises her hand while the others look stunned.
 
  "Let's sit down over there shall we"? the Detective points to two chairs by the phones. As they walk over to the chairs he tells the other women to stay put and do not talk to each other. He also tells Officer Dunham to make sure they go nowhere.

  'First of all what is your name and address"? He writes her answers down and askes Officer Dunham to do the same for the rest of them.

  "How long did you know the deceased"?

  "Abou five years". Henrietta starts crying again.

  After handing her another tissue he asks,"Would you say you were good friends"?

  "Of course we were very good friends".

  "Then what was that poison statement about"?

  "Well, Francine does have some allergies and Sara seemed to think I might have put something in it that she may have been allergic too. That's all". "Comepletely by accident of course"!

  "Have you ever been upset with Miss Freatly"?

  "Once. I made some homemade sarsparilla tea last may and I brought it to her thinking she would enjoy it. Well, I caught her pouring it down the drain"!

  "And how did that make you feel"?

  "I was very angry, but if you think I was mad enough to kill then you're crazy, I loved Francine".

  "I see. Can you think of anybody who would want to kill Mrs. Freatly"?

  'The only person I have ever heard say those words is Jane"."She is always mad at Francine and she even says she could just kill her sometimes. Not htat I think she would, mind you, Sometimes it's just a figure of speech. Jane is always talking tough".

  "Why is she always mad at Mrs. Freatly"?

  "Francine is well, was a very conservative lady and thinks, thought,  everybody should act very gentile. Jane is well a little rough around the edges. Some women have even called her a floozie! Anyway Francine was always trying to get Jane to behave and act more lady-like and Jane didn't cotton to it very well. Jane would get very mad when Frannie would correct her in public".
  "I see, I think I'm finished with you for now so would you please send one of the other ladies over here"? Henrietta goes back to the huddle and Mary walks back to the Detective.

  "I'm Mary Morris. Shall I sit down"?

  "Yes please do sit. OK, how long did you know the deceased"?

 

 




 


 
 

 





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