Free At Last

There was a time when I was between worlds, between realities.  There have been many times in my life where everything shifted; where new paths were created and new identities sought.  The most memorable of these times was my first apartment.  I went from a dark and depressing world to a more uplifting and satisfying one.  Living a life that didn't promote my well being and existence was no longer intriguing.  It was at one point alluring because I was interested in living an entirely separate existence from my self-righteous parents.  But having had a taste of the real world with self-indulgent, criminalistic, intimidating, oppressive roomates turned out to be one of the most eye opening experiences I have had the misfortune to come across; my parents became my saviors.


My new apartment opened up a new level of opportunity and a clean slate from the "old me".  I no longer had to be mindful of others opinions of my life because my life was open to opinion only to me.  I was alone in my own house.  I had my own things and my own schedule and my own bills to pay and it was no one else's responsibility but my own.  It was liberating.  However, this liberation was short lived because I soon fell into my old routines and bad habits.  I drank too much, I smoked too much, I did drugs, I drank and drove, I had too much sex, I wasn't at all mindful of the consequences of my actions. There was no one there to tell me not to do what I wanted to do which looking back was probably one of the best things for me.  My new apartment emacipated me from the "people" that were treating me unfairly but it submerged me in my own struggle with finding myself and what I deserved as a person and the things that would truly bring out the best in myself.  The road to creating a life where you can truly be at your best starts from within.  For me it started with the realization that I was holding myself back.

My life nowadays is not some fantastic newsworthy achievement.  But when you shed old baggage and start finding out who you really are and what satisfies you as a person you can begin to be content with the simple things.  Things you never thought could bring you peace are the first things you should examine when seeking a more balanced life.  There is never a limit to how much you can know about yourself and there is never a right way to do it.  As long as you are open and honest with yourself you will always find yourself where you need to be.  I am today, more knowledgeable about myself, because of my first apartment.