Who Am I

Who Am I?

I am Accepted...Romans 15...7...

Why is rejection so painful? As humans we have come to believe that we are nothing. Why is that? Is it because we ate the apple which we were told not to do? I have been wondering about this and am putting this question out there to see what you believe.

Why do I want to be accepted by those whom don't even want to have anything to do with what my life is all about and that of which is so important to me? It doesn't make sence. I mean Christ was rejected by everyone basicly. Even me. I heard once that we always have this longing inside of us to be accepted by our parents. Why is this so? Is it because we represent our earthly father's to be just like our Heavenly? This cannot happen because there is only one Jesus Christ. And who do we really want to become like, who do I really want to become like? My parents who have sinned just like I have? Don't I want to become more then they are, more then who I have been in the past? Someone who Christ wants me to be?

Jesus Christ accepts me and who I am becoming. What more could I want? Knowing this is undescribable. This is who I am and becoming, I believe...Here is a long quote from a friend that really expresses what is in my heart...

"When people wanted to unload their thoughts, feelings, emotions, they used to do it in a bound book called a journal, or diary. Now it seems that we can actually let these feelings flow out of us into the uneasy silence of cyberspace, and then be pulled down and felt, experienced, understood by other persons that care (or don't care) about us.

But I don't necessarily want to write for the sake of writing, though in my writing I hope that I will always be wholehearted. I simply want to express a few things that I have been learning in the last month or so about who I am and what I want to be and what others want me to be and what God want's me to be.

As I live day to day, I notice that I have three choices that bombard me from every angle and continually solicit my mind throughout all of my waking experience. These choices are as follows...

Choice 1 - Live in the past. Remember the feelings, sounds, tastes, smells, sights.

Choice 2 - Live in the future. Anticipate the feelings, sounds, tastes, smells, sights.

Choice 3 - Live in the present. Experience the feelings, sounds, tastes, smells, sights.

Now, each of these things have an extra amount of pull on us at any given moment. Choice 1 usually comes up in periods of reflection. Sitting on your couch at the end of a long day, perusing your mental files for what exactly you did right and wrong today. You will notice this choice often seems most appealing during a period of loss, or change.

Choice 2 comes up in periods of conflict and hope. When you are facing a decision and a possible unfortunate reality. Sometimes when you are gearing up to experience something that you are excited about. Thinking about your future.

Choice 3 has the smallest amount of pull on us and therefore is the hardest to honestly say that we have ever devoted any thought to.

If you are like me and find that the present moment can often be elusive, begin to think about which one of these time periods you actually LIVE in.

So what? Why does it matter that we spend very little energy devoted to the now? That we are regretful about our past or worried about our future? Well, only you can answer this question, but I can give you the answer that I have found.

I truly believe that God is love, and that perfect love casts out all fear. I also believe that perfect love is ever-present. Always NOW. Fear, has to do with experiences that we wish not to have, and focuses our attention away from the ever-present love to our insecurities and fears, or sometimes to regrets and unsatisfied wishes about the past. But it never focuses on NOW. God's love that is continually weaving together each and every one of us into a beautiful expression of deity. This is happening inside of us at every moment. But we find ourselves constantly seperate from God. Unable to believe that he loves us unconditionally. It is in this very lack of faith that we find ourselves in the seperation from God that is said to produce "weeping and gnashing of teeth." I believe our current word for it in english is "hell."

If you have read this far, I want you to leave with one question. Do you believe that you are made of God's love? Please dismiss all previous ideas of love having to do with romance and sex. Think about ever-expanding creation. That's the definition of perfect love. Do you believe that deep inside of you, the power of God is there working and holding your being together? Do you believe that he can be found there and in that discovery that perfect communion can take place? Forget everything you believe for a moment about "how God works." Step out and begin to experience who he truly is. His actions are always good because they produce life. They never hold someone down in prisons. It is our ego's that puts us in hell. The inability to understand that we are all waves rising and falling out of one ocean. It is my hope that you break free of this. Let go of the past and forgive. Yourself, others, everyone. Let go of the future worries, doubts, and fears. Experience who you are now. A child of the living, loving God. I think once we make it there, we will finally see heaven."