Ambiguity Reigns True

The maze within my brain
has me crashing into the walls of reason.
First and foremost becomes cluttered
with distraction and diversions.

My stomach seizes when realization of inappropriate
and self sabotaging actions become fully realized
and alternative actions which "could have been" become clear.

The moment becomes the master of my being.
The pain of consequence repeatedly diminishes
my sense of self worth while self direction
shrivels like raisins on a vine.

Medication helps, but not enough.
It cannot control all the turmoil within my mind.

The constant struggle to stay on task,
to complete the activity started,
to dissect myself from the invasion of diversion,
weakens within seconds of initiation.

It is a journey amid jagged rocks
and cavernous crevices which
seduce my mind and direct my actions.

Sleep; sleep is the answer
to a question not asked;
the complete surrender to the body,
to the mind, to misdirected reasoning
which can overtake me.

The painful past permeates every cell
of my being while the future is irrelevant.

The guardian of my existence eludes me;
the Saviour of my soul, submerged
by the subjugation of my psyche.