Asmodai

From the first I saw you, you were loved,
There in the marketplace,
Choosing apples of red and yellow
From the kindly old man I watched over.
He used to hum to himself, sometimes
About love and other things
And he made you laugh as you bit into the fruit as gold as the sun, red as a beating heart.
You did not see me that day,
I made sure of it
For you looked at me, and I was afraid.

I had never been afraid before.
Not even in the War,
When ash and blackened feathers poured down as rain,
I stood tall and did my duty.

I followed you home that day
Treading lightly in your footsteps
Catching your laugh and smile
Straining to hold your every word.
Many times after, I stood beside you,
Whispering sweetness into your hair
Though I was afraid to let you hear.
I fancied that you smile at my words, and that was my reward.

How many days did I long to hold you in my arms, enfold you in my white wings
And make you safe?
To taste the sweet apples from your lips?
To be yours alone?

You did not want to marry him,
I could see it in your eyes, I could.
The blubberous lech,
The foul drunkard
Had two women already, tucked away in corners of the city you would never think to look.
I could not stand to see you so,
His rowdy hands on your breast and thigh
His stygian breath raping your mouth.
I broke a bit, at the deed
But for you I would do everything
And nothing would stop your smile if it were in my power.
You cried a bit, for your father and your mother
But I could smell your relief
And in your dreams, you thanked me.
I left you his heart on the bridal pillow
To show you I was yours,
Because I don't have one to give,
So you would know I love you always.

The second was a gambler of the lowest kind;
He wanted a pretty face on his arm to show
And your father's gold to spend.
He would have spent the gold in your hair, if he could,
Pawned the diamonds in your eyes
And dragged you to the squalorous mud
For his dreams of greed.
They say all things are easier the second time.
They are right.
They said he had a heart of gold, but it was red, like the first.
I think you saw me that night
I think I let you see me that night
I think I saw you smile.
I love you.

The third was a decent sort;
He loved God,
Was moderate in his habits,
Had a smile to make a mortal man jealous, and a woman swoon,
So I tried to warn him away, instead.
He could have any woman he desired,
Why must he choose you?
Did you know he laughed in my face that night?
That he dared me do my worst?
He told me that you loved him,
And I cannot abide liars.
That's why Belial and I never got along, you know.
The way you cried that night,
I almost believed you loved him more than me.

The fourth was. . .
Or was that the fifth?
Never mind.
I always get them confused, anyway.

So here I stand for the sixth time,
And again he lies behind me, cooling,
Red as apples on his face,
On my hands.
He was no good for you, my sweet.
The others weren't, why should he be any different?
I think I'm ready for you to see me now. Is that what love is?
I'm not what I was, all those years ago.
My eyes a bit sunken
My hands shriveled and careworn
My wings, brown as parchment and leather.
I wonder where my feathers went?
I remember having them, long ago.
But you will love me, I know
As I have loved every hair that grayed with Time
And every wrinkle care put on your face.
I can hear you coming.
I'm trembling
Like a bride on her wedding night.
Can you blame me?
Tell me, darling, why you hesitate so?
What can you make you weep, my only love?
Only tell me, and I shall fly to the ends of the Earth for the cure.
Can you see me now?
I have no heart to give, but here I have one ready.
Can you see me, darling?
I love you.