Wait, What?

  George was taking a shower. He used the shampoo, but not the soap. He never used the soap because he never really felt like it. It was really just there for show so that when people looked at his bathroom they would see the soap and not think any lesser of him. He can only recall using the soap twice as lubrication for masturbation. He finished showering and dried off. George went to eat breakfast, but found out that he didn't have anything food related in his kitchen so he went out to eat at the donut store. When George arrived at the donut store he found out that the store was being shut down because the meaty donuts were made using the testicles of animals. George vomited thoroughly and proceeded to migrate to the grocery store in order to obtain the grocery items that he so desired.
  George picked up a basket and obtained cereal, milk, and bacon because bacon is fucking delicious. He went to pay for his stuff and it all rang up to $8.922222222> for some reason. George pondered if there was a new economic change in the currency for roughly 12 minutes and concluded that there were no changes, and that it was merely a mistake in the grocery store's register program. When George finally decided to pay for his food he handed the cashier what he thought was a $10 bill, and the cashier said "THAT IS A FISH, SIR. YOU CANNOT PAY WITH A FISH, SIR." George looked and saw that he was, indeed, holding a fish. Koi to be exact. George ate the fish and walked out of the store with his groceries, however he did not pay for them. The cashier said "YOU MUST PAY FOR YOUR FOOD, SIR. PLEASE COME BACK HERE, SIR."
  As George walked out of the store he was chased by the local bum, Vagina Hands MacGee. He was a man who was born with vaginas for his hands, hence his name. George waited for Vagina Hands to catch up with him and then whispered an ancient Babylonian war chant into Vagina Hands' ear. George walked away and Vagina Hands immediately sat down in the middle of the parking lot and stopped chasing after George.
  George went home and was greeted by Awesome Andy, the most awesome man in the world. George looked at Awesome Andy, and Awesome Andy looked back. Djinghis Kahn's "Moskau" began playing in the background and then George noticed it. The pinnacle of awesomeness. Awesome Andy was holding a bazooka that shoots flaming chainsaws. However, Awesome Andy just seemed to stand there, so George walked into his kitchen and started up the bacon and made his cereal. Awesome Andy came and ate the bacon with George but Awesome Andy ate more than George and didn't share much.

Awesome Andy may be awesome, but he's a fucking dick when it comes to bacon.