Admissions College Essay

                               College Admissions Essay
          The day had finally arrived. I stood terrified, looking at my life packed in to eight cardboard boxes. I felt as if I was standing in quick sand and the more I moved the deeper I sunk into the feeling of emptiness. "I want to repeat on word for you: Leave. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed"(Miller). What I once dreamed, I now feared. The clock ticked with every second flashing a memory of familiarity. The last second had passed it was time to leave. My mind was trying to adapt to moving on from the only environment I have ever known. My heart was in my throat. I had many questions filling my mind with the uncertainty of excitement and fear. Would I be successful in college or would I fail? The thought of failure paralyzed me. I could barely move out the door.  Luckily my feet were on automatic pilot and guided by their own judgment to move!
I had many expectations for how I wanted to create my academic life anew. I would be focused and determined. I would be studious and give it my all! I've done it before, here and there, just not consistently. For years, I never understood why despite my best efforts I could not direct myself with my desires to excel academically. I have progressively moved closer to realizing my true potential. Keeping up with my schooling is on going struggle, but at least now I finally have internal reference that I am intelligent and am highly capable of being successful at a major university.
        "I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently"( Miller) I never realized the impact moving away from home would have on my inner growth.  I was ready to walk out of my comfort zone at age 6. I would finally be let loose. My homelife was never one that was conducive to studying. Over the years I had to break my routine of procrastion and defeat. I always felt as if my education was a challenge, and I still had a lot to learn. Now, without the distraction, I could focus on me and my courses and I did.  I was completely incontrol in the direction my life would lead. I was initially amazed at how readily I was able to absorb information while studying. Weeding out some obstacles I faced during high school has definitely served to increase my academic self esteem. I have been able to let go of my past habits and develop my own studyskill towards a successful education.
Through out life I have really never been alone. I have a twin sister, Kaitlyn. She always told me, "If you want to succeed, you only have to prove to yourself then you can achieve your goals." In the past, the support of my sister has always served as a self motivator, but now I'm able to do this myself. I still have a normal level of anxiety surrounding college for instance when I had three major exams on the same day scheduled back to back. That was quite a challenge, but nothing I could not handle.
      I know what It feels like to acomplish and move forward. I knew once I graduated that there was a door opening a passage way that would lead me to face the person I was going to become. The past semester has been a life changing experience. I learned to say "No!" to distracting but tempting opportunities. I learned to set boundaries. I learned what success tastes like, and I must say I like it! I learned to move outside my comfort zone, not an easy task, but one that will surely keep resurface again and again. At this time, I choose to not focus on where I've come from, but where I'm going. For example, I want to strategically place myself in Texas' premier academic institution. I have goals to graduate from an establishment with a reputation of excellence and honor. I owe it to myself to claim to best life possible and the opportunity of obtaining an education.