Spring Time Blues

1 - Spring Flings

    Spring. The dictionary defines it as "The season of the year, occurring between winter and summer, during which the weather becomes warmer and plants revive." I suppose you can agree with this. I for one, define it a different way. Spring is the time of year where yes, it gets warmer and plants FINALLY make their way above ground, but also as the time of year for love to sprout. Old exes get re-acquainted [Why would I ever dump YOU?], young love is sparked [I'll love you forever!] and existing relationships grow stronger [My love for you is eternal like the newly awakened sun]. It's sappy and mushy but I can't deny that everyone's at least a little perkier after the dreary winter that we had.

    "Aiden? You're staring off into space again."

    I looked around. To my right I saw the person responsible for taking me out of my thoughtful coma. Her expression was one of sincere content ness. She smiled as she realized I'd been caught.

    "I wasn't staring off into space Alyssa..." I tried to deny, but knowing that I'd been had.

    "Pish posh, I can tell when you're in one of your thoughtful trances. You get that whimsical look on your face," she replied with a smirk.

The bell rang before I could make any more excuses. I gathered my things and waited for her to do the same before we headed off for lunch. We headed to her locker first. She quickly inputted her combination and flinged her books in the locker and grabbed her lunch. For such manly actions she didn't look the part. Her chocolate brown hair was down today and it looked quite flawless when you looked at her straight on. She also had the eyes to match the hair. As we walked down the hallway, her skirt and plain striped T-shirt combo worked well. She had that almost girl next door kinda vibe. Spooky how well she pulled it off.

    We got to my locker and, unlike Alyssa, I put my stuff in systematically before getting my lunch. I closed my locker only to see him walk up.

    "Hey Luke!' Alyssa yelled despite the decreasing meters between them.

    "Hey guys," Luke replied back with a smile on his face as he opened the locker beside mine.

    Luke is a foreign kid. Well not like, foreign-foreign, but like. Not from this country foreign. He's from England so he has that cute accent thing going for him. Not that he needs an accent to win anyone over. He's what most people in the school would call a "hottie." Alyssa and I beg to differ. He's handsome. There's no gross hottie attributes to give him. His raven black hair was almost always styled different each day in a way that never detracted from his natural beauty. It was his hazel eyes though that really attracted us though. Never mind that he's of a taller stature and well defined. Dreamy, yes. And totally ours.

         Alyssa and I became really good friends with Luke through a class we had last year. It was one of those ice breaker things at the beginning where you go and meet whoever's in your class and all that junk. Well Alyssa and I were all BFF anyways, so we took to scouting the class for potential eye candy. And sitting in the corner looking a little lost was Luke. I looked at Alyssa and she looked at me and almost instantly we knew what we had to do. We got up and introduced ourselves to him. It's not everyday you get to meet a cute English boy. He stuck by us, and we stuck by him and before we knew it, we were a trio. Everyone was jealous of us.

         "Aiden, you're doing it again," Alyssa whispered to me.

         "Am not!" I quickly objected.

         "Were too. You had that dreamy look on your face Aiden," Luke responded in place of Alyssa.

         Defeated, I didn't say anything else and followed them to the cafeteria. We took a spot in a secluded corner where we could be alone. I sat across from them and began to dig into my lunch. Something was off though. Usually playful banter filled the air, but I heard nothing. I looked up and saw that Alyssa and Luke were just silent. Looking at each other and then at me. It made me uneasy to say the least.

         "Can I help you?" I asked in between sips of my juice.

         "Uh, Aiden ... You tell him Alyssa," Luke began before looking away.

         "Well. Aiden sweetie..." Alyssa attempted to continue.

         "Oh boy Mommy and Daddy, are we going to Mexico?" I mockingly asked in my best kiddy tone.

         "You wish. No. We just wanted to let you know that Luke and I are official," she finished with a smile on her face as she looked in Luke's direction.

         I for one was a bit blindsided. Mexico would've been much better than this. And I think Luke and Alyssa were caught off guard when I immediately started coughing and hacking due to juice going down the wrong pipe.

         "We do hope you're okay," Luke said with a petrified look on his face.

         "I'm okay. Really. I am," I replied with the most sincere smile I could muster.

         However, sincere smiles cannot be faked. Coughing on juice cannot be faked. What I was feeling inside could not be faked. On one hand, yes. My best friends are in love and are blooming like wildflowers. On the other hand, I just saw my chances with a gorgeous boy go down the drain. Not that I had much chance considering he's 100% straight and doesn't have plans to change. It's still nice to dream though. But those dreams got smushed in what seemed like a fraction of a second. Time to let on like nothing's wrong!

         "So what now?" I asked trying to get the ball rolling for the new spring time fling.

         "... Nothing really. You expect something to be different?" Alyssa asked.

         "I'm not gonna lie. Yes. Yes I do."

         "Well don't worry. Nothing's going to change Aiden," Luke assured me.

         But as I sat across from them, eating my sandwich with no more juice, I couldn't help but feel that things would change.

2 - Miffed!

         You can't be too optimistic when you try to overrule your gut instinct. I WAS right thank you very much. Little by little I noticed small little nuances that they didn't think very much of. The whole holding hands whenever possible thing. Sitting extremely close together. When they mainly started talking to each other I started to get a little miffed at the whole ordeal. I was right! Things DID change!
One on one with either of them I was fine, but when they were together it was like I was invisible.
         
         Which is why I questioned them when they said they wanted to take me on a date with them.

         "It'll be fun!" they both said with excitement brimming in their voice.

         Before I could object to either of them, they grabbed me by the arms and carried me with them. Fighting would be useless and to be honest, I was mildly intrigued as to what they had planned. It would either be a learning experience, or a miserable few hours of my life. I decided to put up with it either way.

         Once they finished their kidnapping escapade, I found myself looking at a café of sorts and some guy from my bio class named Parker or something.

         "What is this?" I asked quite incredulously.

         "DOUBLE DATE!" Alyssa yelled into the air with a smile. She looked all to pleased with herself. I also didn't think she realized that ‘double date' hardly qualifies as an explanation.
         
         I couldn't believe it. They didn't want a date with me! They deliberately set me up so they could have time alone while still qualifying this as a bonding activity. I was betrayed! But yet I still found myself sitting across from this guy who I didn't even know while Alyssa and Luke were at a separate table. I seceded defeat in this battle, but continued to gather intel for myself.

         Of course there was the complication of my ‘date' Parker. While he may be quiet and unassuming in class, he was nothing short of a blabber mouth right now. I let him talk and talk and talk all the while not actually listening to him. I nodded occasionally, but really, I was snooping on Alyssa and Luke. They seemed to be having a great time. All smiles and giggles and happy rainbows and unicorns! It made me want to barf. I needed to get out of here. I told my lovely accomplice that I had to go to the bathroom. But in reality, I just left. In retrospect it was kind of mean, but I was miserable. Besides, the date was over before it even began.

         I walked down the sidewalk. It was pleasantly brisk and the street lamps illuminated the sidewalk very nicely. It was very pristine. But at the same time I couldn't help but feel the complete opposite. There were no words to describe the kind of confused pain I had inside. Why would they do this? I know I'm a useless third wheel so why try to make me fit in? It didn't make any sense.

         I got home and immediately went to my room and just lied on my bed. I felt incredibly lack luster. I used to enjoy being around them... but now it felt tainted.

         And then my phone rang. It scared me to death to say the least. I knew who would be on the other side and I hesitantly picked up even though I knew that I would only be delaying the inevitable if I didn't.

         "Hello?" I started out quite confidently.

         "Why did you leave?" I heard a familiar girls voice say.

         "I wasn't feeling too good," I lied through a normal voice.

         "I don't buy it Aiden," she said quite harshly.

         "Please believe me. I just couldn't be there feeling the way I did," I said, which wasn't to far from the actual truth.

         There was a silence on the other end.

         "Lyssa?" I asked.

         "Okay... Hey. Come over tomorrow to Luke's house tomorrow," she pretty much demanded.

         "But..."

         "No buts. We want you there."

         I'd been had. "Okay. Sure thing sweetie."

         "It'll be fun. I promise."

         She hung up and then I followed suit.

         I laid down on my bed and tried to fall asleep. I couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was looming over me though.

         Why can't I just be a normal straight boy with normal perspectives of how things should be?


3 - Sandwich

         Despite my overwhelming desire to call Alyssa or Luke and tell them I came down with something [preferably deadly] my conscience got the better of me and I ended up infront of Luke's door. Alyssa was already there as to be expected of the couple.

         I was led inside and we just sat around for a while. Eventually my stomach growled and Luke noticed so he told me to go scrounge around in the kitchen for something to eat. So I did. I found a lovely pie sitting in the fridge so I cut myself a slice and just stood there for a while. Plate in one hand, fork in the other. I just stood in the kitchen trying to see if I could make out anything from the living room. I then realized that I was just being a huge creeper and I started feeling bad for spying on my 2 best friends ... Even if they weren't exactly my favorites right at this moment.

         I went back to the living room and just sat on the carpet eating my pie. It was quite delicious. I was so enthralled that I didn't notice that Alyssa and Luke were basically on top of each other. I placed my finished plate beside me and stuck the fork in my mouth. That's when I looked up and saw that they were rather entwined. I took the fork out of my mouth and just sorta gazed at them inconspicuously.

    The fork got tighter in my grip. I don't know why. I shouldn't feel this way about them.

    And then their noses touched.

    And that's when I heard the sound of flesh being penetrated.

    Their heads turned in synchro and immediately locked onto the offending fork stuck in my thigh. I looked too. Normally one would be expected to scream, but I didn't. God only knows why. I calmly swallowed the lump in my throat and stood up. Their eyes followed me.

"I have to go do something about this. Excuse me."

I slowly limped off with the fork still quite firmly lodged in my thigh. They stayed put; I'm not sure whether from shock or because they just didn't know what to do.

         I made my way to the bathroom rather unimpeded. I closed the door but didn't lock it. I probably should've, but a part of me wanted one of them to rush in after me. But once I heard no foot steps I gave up and sat on the floor, my back against the bathtub. I just stared at the shiny metal fork lodged in my leg. And that's when it hit me. It was a double whammy. A) The fork really did hurt. But more importantly B) Luke was never gonna be mine. He would never look at me or admire me the same way he does Alyssa. And I can't get mad at that. So what do I do? I go off the deep end and stab myself with a fork. Great going Aiden.

         "Aiden..." I heard a familiar voice say. I nearly died from how badly it scared me. Serves me right for being in too deep of a thought to even hear the door open.

         I expected him to say something, but he just stared at me. His gorgeous hazel eyes just peering at me. After a while I got completely unnerved by it though and I wanted nothing more than to bolt it out of there. But luckily he did something that, although caught me off guard, was better than what I ever could have imagined.

         He closed the door behind him and sat down in front of me on the floor. I began to feel a little bit of anxiety creep up on me. Affection was something I craved... But I didn't want to force it from the one guy who was perfect in my eyes. Go figure.

         He took my hands in his and pulled me off the tub. Quite smoothly, he put both his arms around me and pulled me in close. I was closer to him now than I think I've ever been with him.

         "Luke ... What are you doing?" I questioned.

         "Holding you," he stated without a hint of doubt.

         "I can tell ... But why?"

         He took a moment to formulate a response. He gently stroked my hair and placed a hand on my back as if to calm me. It was oddly relaxing, but I still didn't understand the sudden burst of affection. Not that I was complaining of course. I was in a good position.

         "You're like bread Aiden."

         "?!?!" I replied.

         "Let me put it this way. Alyssa is the jelly and I'm the peanut butter. But we can't be a sandwich unless you're there," he offered as his explanation. I was close enough that I could feel his chest vibrate with every word he spoke.

         It was definitely a thoughtful speech. I was at a loss for words to say the least.

         "We need you Aiden. I need you. I care about you, and I just wish you could be happy" he said as he gently stroked the back of my hair.

         Uh oh, are my eyeballs leaking? Something wet is sliding down my cheek.

         "Why... are you crying?" he asked quite alarmed.

         "I don't know Luke..." I responded quite truthfully.

3.5 - Flashback

         "He looks hot in those gym shorts."

         "Keep it in your pants Alyssa."

         "You're one to talk mister."

         "I can dream can't I?"

         She turned to me and looked me over. She gave a little sigh which was a telltale sign that I wasn't going to like what she had to say next.
         "You do know ... That you don't have a chance right?"

         "I do," I lied. It hurt to hear it.

         She resumed looking at the beautiful boy, "It's not because ... It's you or anything. It's just that, one, he's mine and, two, he's completely straight."

         Alyssa really knew how to cut deep. I feigned a smile. She ruffled my hair.

         "I just don't want to see you get hurt Aiden."

         And with that she left me sitting on the bleachers to go hug that stunning guy Luke. The one who would always be just that little bit out of reach.

4 - Blank

         I pushed myself off of him. I wiped my eyes and tried to regain some composure.

         "You think I'm ridiculous don't you?" I asked him quite honestly.

         "Why would I think that? You're one of my closest friends," he answered.

         "Because," I started before I looked down to avoid his eyes, "I'm just some stupid gay boy who can't understand a simple fact," I almost whispered.

         "That doesn't matter Aiden. I know I don't say this often... Or even at all, but I do love you. It's not the love like I have for Alyssa, but there is still something there for you."

         Another tear fell to the ground. I sniffled. I can feel my heart rate going up.

         And then I felt something wet touch my cheek.

         "I'll always love you Aiden. You're not stupid for believing in something that might not be all there. I don't care what you say you are. You're a gay boy who a straight boy relies on. Nothing's going to change that."

         I blushed, but at the same time I couldn't help but think that this was all wrong.

         But that all vanished when he pulled me into him again.

         "I just want you to be happy."

         A part of me, the part of me that knows I can't win, wanted to push away from him again. But the better part of me, the part that knows it's sometime better to step down gracefully, knew what to do.

         I put my arms back around him and pulled him in close to me. I could hear his heart beat. It calmed me down.

         "Seems like you two have got everything under control," I heard a girl's voice say.

         I turned to face her and opened my mouth to say something but was cut off.

         "Come on you guys. You can cuddle in the living room," she said with a sincere smile as she turned back to the couch.

         I flashed Luke an embarrassed, almost apologetic look.

         "It's okay Aiden. She knows how I feel about you."

         "So then ... You wouldn't mind uhm..." I attempted to start but fumbled with my words.

         "Of course I wouldn't mind," he said with a smile," but first I think we should take care of your little accident."

         He took the fork in his hand and just as fast as it went in, it was out. And it stung just as bad too. It was bleeding a bit, so he looked under the sink for some gauze and tied a little tourniquet around my thigh.

         I gently pushed off of him, but was astounded by what he did.
         
         He picked me up; arms under my shoulders and knees. I clasped my hands around him in reaction to this startling action.

         "What are you doing?" I asked quite truthfully.

         "Treating you like you'd want to be treated," he said not once batting an eye.

         And that was all that needed to be said.

         He carried me back to the living room and delicately placed me on the couch. But he didn't just do that. The couch was big enough so that he could scoot in behind me. He draped an arm over me.

         Alyssa propped herself up against the couch on the ground and took my hand in hers. She gently rubbed my palm with her thumb.

         This was comforting to say the least. I started to doze off due to the lack of sleep earlier. But now everything was right again. I may not have the boy, but it doesn't matter.

         I heard the two of them resume talking, almost whispering so as not to disturb me.

         And then I was asleep. Hand in hand with the girl who I trust more than anyone, and safe and secure with the one guy I knew would always be there.

         Being different doesn't stop love.