For My Minstrels

Dear band of Minstrels who follow me around and sing songs of my achievements,

I very much appreciate your following me around for the last two weeks. Your musical talent astounds me and sends shivers of joy throughout my body. I particularly enjoyed your ballad last Wednesday, entitled "Hey Everyone Saga Remembered to Make Up the Bed". The merry way you skip behind me brings me such joy, and even though I sometimes get cross with you for singing loudly in my ear about how I stopped to let a pedestrian cross the street when we were in the car, I have grown to love you all. If I had any amount of your talent, I would gladly serenade you with a song I wrote myself, but alas, I'm afraid that I will never match your musical talent. I would like to thank each and every one of you.
Charles, I love the way you skip and strum your mandolin simultaneously. I'd like to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for playing the tune of "Video Killed the Radio Star" that night I couldn't get to sleep. If I knew where to buy a mandolin, I would buy one thousand of them just for you.
Greg, your lute playing takes all the pain and suffering out of my life whenever I hear it. I apologize for that time I cracked it because I couldn't stand your attempts at trying to play jazz. I have been too shy to say this until now, but I find your ruffled collar and pageboy haircut to be quite fetching.
Bernie, the way you play the miniature harp is so indescribably beautiful. I'm sorry I laughed when you dropped in the Reedy River; I felt quite guilty afterwards. The fondest memory of my entire life is that time when you and I threw popcorn at each other while watching Mythbusters.
And Doug. Sweet, sweet Doug. Your voice soothes me every time I hear it. I take back what I said about how it sounds like you're speaking German underwater; rather, you sound like a cross between Charlotte Church and Enya.
The only thing I'd like to ask all of you this Valentine's day is that you continue to follow me and sing songs of my achievements for another two weeks, if not more. Also, I'd really appreciate it if you'd put the toilet seat back down when you use the john.

All my love,
Saga