Arctic Air

              FADE IN



              INT. - AKLUITOK'S HOUSE - DAY

              A spacious, well outfitted home. Obviously owned by a well
              funded single guy; wide screen LCD TV, large speakers,
              leather furniture, a pool table in one corner of the room, a
              polar bear skin hangs on one of the walls behind the bar.
              Other than the unusual absence of windows, you might've seen
              something like this on an episode of MTV's Cribs. We see that
              someone's sitting on the couch, playing a game of NHL '08 on
              the TV. This is AKLUITOK, Inuit, mid-20's. Even though he's
              in lounging clothes, we can tell he's got a sense of style. A
              drop of water hits the coffee table in front of him and gets
              his attention, another follows it. He looks up to the ceiling
              to find a slow, steady drip is coming from a crack above him.
              He frowns, pauses his game and gets up to make his way to the
              kitchen where he rummages through a few cupboards and returns
              with a large pot which he strategically places to catch the
              water coming from the ceiling. He begins playing his game
              again, but pauses it again and looks over to the pool table.
              There is another drip starting there. Sighing, Akluitok turns
              off the game, which turns the TV to a documentary, and gets
              up to find another container. While he's searching, we can
              hear the DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR talking in the b.g.

                                  DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR (O.S.)
                        Various studies show that the vast
                        increase in greenhouse gases in our
                        atmosphere is having a seriously
                        adverse effect on our environment.
                        Scientists are saying that while
                        they can't prove anything with any
                        certainty, they are 100% sure that
                        they have a strong gut-feeling that
                        something bad may happen sometime
                        in the near or extended future. The
                        scientific community as a whole,
                        other than several individual
                        scientists with no political ties,
                        generally agrees that if something
                        isn't done soon, our precious
                        planet could experience higher sea
                        levels, extreme weather conditions,
                        dwindling polar ice caps...

              As the NARRATOR drones on, we follow Akluitok as he finds a
              container, places it on the pool table to catch the new drip,
              and scans the rest of the ceiling.
              Apparently content with what he sees, he goes to the closet
              and pulls out a large animal-skin coat with a fur-lined hood
              and begins to put it on as we...

                                                                CUT TO:



              EXT. - AKLUITOK'S HOUSE - SAME

              We are looking at a small igloo somewhere in the Arctic
              Circle. A satellite dish is mounted to the outside of the
              igloo and a generator hums in the back. A brand new
              snowmobile is the only other thing we can see besides the
              snow. The sky is clear, the sun is shining bright. Akluitok
              crawls through the entrance and stands, brushing the snow
              from his hands and knees as he surveys the sky. He turns his
              attention to the walls of his igloo. A CU shows us that the
              source of the drips is the ice blocks melting. Akluitok looks
              back at the sun, shaking his head as he mounts his snowmobile
              and fires it up.

                                  AKLUITOK
                        Global warming can kiss my frostbitten butt!



              EXT. - ARCTIC LANDSCAPE - LATER

              POV behind Akluitok as he leaves his snowmobile and walks
              toward a small reserve community. All of the buildings are
              basically the same simple construction with plywood exterior
              and sheet metal roofing. A SIGN on the outskirts reads
              WELCOME TO NOATAK - WHERE DAY CAN LAST ALL NIGHT!



              EXT. - OTILUK'S SUPPLY SHOP - CONTINUOUS

              A hand-painted sign on the roof tells us the store name.
              Underneath is their slogan,'If we can't get it, you're
              Otiluk'. An Inuit man who looks about a thousand years old
              sits on a bench in front of the store. He's dressed in a
              large thick coat similar to Akluitok's, with a Toronto Maple
              Leafs toque. His smile shows us that there must not be many
              dentists here in the Arctic.

                                  AKLUITOK
                            (returning the grin)
                        Hey, old man, you catch the hockey
                        game last night?

              The Old Man's smile doesn't falter, when he speaks, there's
              an audible slur due to the absence of several teeth.

                                  OLD MAN
                        Never mish a game, Akluitok!

                                  AKLUITOK
                        I can't believe you're still
                        cheering for those bums. The only
                        thing they do consistently is let
                        you down every year.

                                  OLD MAN
                        They'll win again, I have a good
                        feeling that it'sh gonna be shoon.
                        The shpiritsh told me in a dream.

                                  AKLUITOK
                            (with a laugh)
                        Well, you keep dreaming old man.
                        When's the last time they won a
                        championship? Do you even remember?

                                  OLD MAN
                        I remember it well. It wash back
                        before you were even born. Do you
                        remember, young one?

                                  AKLUITOK
                            (with a friendly pat on
                              the shoulder)
                        I know it was in '67. I believe
                        that was the last time you saw a
                        dentist too, wasn't it?

                                  OLD MAN
                            (laughs)
                        You know, if you're not careful,
                        I'll make your teeth look like
                        mine, my friend. You kidsh theesh
                        daysh are weak. Not like back in
                        the day...when Bill Barilko played
                        hockey...

              Akluitok rolls his eyes. He's heard this rant before.

                                  OLD MAN(CONT'D)
                            (getting passionate)
                        That guy wash a hero...and tough
                        ash nails. He broke hish leg in the
                        Shtanley Cup Finalsh...yet he came
                        back to play the resht of that
                        game. He shcored the Cup-winning
                        goal in overtime, you know...on a
                        broken leg!

              At this, the Old Man sits back, looking tired, yet nostalgic.

                                  OLD MAN (CONT'D)
                        That wash the last game he ever
                        played.
                            (pointing at Akluitok)
                        You mark my wordsh, they'll win it
                        all again!

                                  AKLUITOK
                        I'm sure they will...about the same
                        time Hell freezes over...and if
                        those wacky Scientists are right,
                        that won't be anytime soon. I'm
                        inclined to believe them now that
                        my home seems to be melting away.
                            (thinks)
                        Hey, you've been around for what, a
                        million years? You ever think it's
                        getting warmer around here?

                                  OLD MAN
                            (thoughtfully)
                        If it hash, then it'sh not by much,
                        'cuz when I gotta take a pish, that
                        north wind shtill makesh my sheal
                        shkin shrivel, if ya know what I
                        mean!
                            (laughs one of those crazy
                              old-man laughs)

              Akluitok shudders as the unavoidable vision hits him.

                                  AKLUITOK
                            (turning to the door)
                        Too much information, old
                        man...take it easy, my friend.
                            (beat)
                        You know, you're supposed stand
                        with your back to the wind, eh?



              INT. - OTILUK'S SUPPLY SHOP - CONTINUOUS

              Akluitok enters to what looks like an old-style fur trading
              post. The walls are covered with various objects that you may
              need: tools, cooking utensils, clothing, etc. A man stands
              behind the counter. His name is Barilko Otiluk, Inuit, 40,
              with a smile that looks like it's well on the way to ending
              up like that of the old man's.

                                  BARILKO
                        You look a little pale, buddy. Let
                        me guess...he told ya the seal skin
                        story?

                                  AKLUITOK
                            (nods)
                        Hey, Barilko, what's shakin'?

                                  BARILKO
                            (cringes)
                        How many times do I have to tell
                        you not to call me that. Call me
                        Barry or I'll club ya like a seal.

                                  AKLUITOK
                            (laughs)
                        You ever wish your dad wasn't such
                        a die-hard Leafs' fan?

                                  BARILKO
                        Every time somebody calls me
                        Barilko. I mean, sure he scored the
                        winner on a broken leg, but come
                        on.
                            (beat)
                        So what can I do for ya?

                                  AKLUITOK
                        I need an air conditioner. You got
                        any?

                                  BARILKO
                        You been huffin'? What makes you
                        think there would ever be a reason
                        for me to bring one o' those up
                        here?

                                  AKLUITOK
                        That's what I figured. You may
                        think I'm crazy, but have you heard
                        of global warming?

                                  BARILKO
                        I've heard a little bit on the
                        news, but it doesn't bother me
                        much.
                            (thoughtfully)
                        It would be nice if it would warm
                        up a bit around here.

                                  AKLUITOK
                        Well, how much would it cost to get
                        an air conditioner out here? I
                        think this global warming thing is
                        causing my igloo to melt away and
                        if I don't do something quick, my
                        'pool' table's gonna take on a
                        whole new meaning.

                                  BARILKO
                        I don't know, man. There aren't any
                        planes scheduled for delivery here
                        for a few weeks. How soon would you
                        need it?

                                  AKLUITOK
                        I'm not sure, I had two drips
                        already today. I'm gonna run out of
                        pots to catch the water by that
                        time. What else you got?

                                  BARILKO
                        I got a dog team comes once a week
                        out of Whitehorse, but I think
                        that's too heavy a load for the
                        dogs. Those huskies would look more
                        like greyhounds by the time they
                        got here. Sorry, but I don't think
                        you're gonna get what ya need in
                        time.

                                  AKLUITOK
                        Crap. How am I gonna save my igloo?

                                  BARILKO
                        Here's a question, why do you still
                        have an igloo? Why didn't you build
                        a more modern house outta wood and
                        steel?

                                  AKLUITOK
                        Uh, call me old fashioned, I guess.

                                  BARILKO
                            (skeptical)
                        Uh-huh

                                  AKLUITOK
                        Okay, so maybe I spent all my cash
                        on the entertainment system and I
                        had to go a little cheaper on the
                        construction material...like the
                        free kind. You can't blame me
                        though, I gotta impress the ladies.

                                  BARILKO
                        Yeah, but ya gotta get the ladies
                        inside the house before you can
                        impress 'em, and I'm guessing they
                        ain't that impressed with the ice
                        block exterior.

                                  AKLUITOK
                            (shrugs)
                        I just use my endearing Alaskan
                        charm.

                                  BARILKO
                        How's that workin' for ya?

                                  AKLUITOK
                            (shrugs)
                        I get by.

                                  BARILKO
                        Nothin', eh?

                                  AKLUITOK
                        Shut up. You're not fixing my
                        problem.

                                  BARILKO
                        Your girl problem?

              Akluitok sighs, exasperated.

                                  BARILKO (CONT'D)
                        Okay, I'm sorry. I just had to get
                        you back for that Barilko crack.

                                  AKLUITOK
                        So you don't think you can get an
                        A/C unit in here?

                                  BARILKO
                        As my slogan says, I think you're
                        Otiluk.

                                  AKLUITOK
                        Great.

                                  BARILKO
                        You don't seriously believe in that
                        global warming crap, do ya? I think
                        it's just a load of bull the
                        politicians are trying to throw at
                        us to make us spend a bunch of
                        money trying to "go green" with the
                        false pretense that we're helping
                        the environment when really all
                        we're doing is pumping more sales
                        tax into the government.

                                  AKLUITOK
                        Hey, all I know is my house is
                        melting. If you can't help me can
                        you at least sell me a Coke to
                        drown my sorrows?

                                  BARILKO
                        Sure thing. I don't have a fridge,
                        so I keep 'em outside to keep 'em
                        cold. Let me go grab one for ya.

              Barilko disappears out the back for a moment and returns with
              a bottle that he hands to Akluitok. Akluitok pays, gets his
              change, thanks Barilko and leaves.



              EXT. - OTILUK'S SUPPLY SHOP - CONTINUOUS

              On his way out, Akluitok passes by the old man.

                                  OLD MAN
                        Better put that Coke in your pocket
                        so it don't get warm on your way
                        home!

              Akluitok just smiles and nods as he makes his way back to his
              snowmobile.



              EXT. - AKLUITOK'S HOUSE - LATER

              Akluitok brings his snowmobile to a stop a distance from his
              igloo and does a double-take as he notices a polar bear
              sniffing at the entrance. Thinking for a moment, he brightens
              as an idea crosses his mind. He starts off toward the bear.
              As he approaches, the bear rears up on its haunches to a
              menacing 8 feet and bares its teeth. Akluitok just grins and
              keeps walking as he puts a hand in his pocket and pulls out
              the Coke he bought earlier and holds it out to the bear.
              Surprisingly, the bear almost seems to smile back and grabs
              the bottle out of Akluitok's hand and lumbers off.
              Akluitok looks into the camera and shrugs as if to say
              'Whaddaya know?'.

                                                                CUT TO:



              INT. - AKLUITOK'S HOUSE - LATER

              Akluitok is relaxing on his couch, watching a hockey game,
              drinking another Coke. Shouting at the game once in a while,
              thinking that he can guide the players from the comfort of
              his own home.

                                  AKLUITOK
                        C'mon, just shoot the puck you
                        morons! Use your heads! Aw, you
                        idiots! Get the puck!

              There's a break in the play and as a commercial comes on...

                                  AKLUITOK (CONT'D)
                        Man, I love this game!

              During the commercial, Akluitok finishes the last bit of Coke
              in his bottle. He lifts the bottle and looks at it. Deciding
              he wants another, he gets up and wanders over to the fridge,
              opens the door and reaches in to grab a replacement. He
              pauses a second as an idea hits him. A grin crosses his face.
              As he's doing all this we can hear the AD NARRATOR in the
              b.g. then the hockey game comes back on.

                                  AD NARRATOR (O.S.)
                        Looking to renovate your home? Just
                        want to get rid of those smelly, grimey
                        bathroom appliances? Come on down
                        to Piston Bathroom Supplies. We got
                        everything from toilets to shower heads!
                        And all at an affordable price! So come
                        see us for your bathroom needs.
                        Remember, if you're gonna get a toilet,
                        You sure as heck want it to be Piston!

                                                          DISSOLVE TO:



              INT. - OTILUK'S SUPPLY SHOP

              Akluitok is back at the counter, dealing with Barilko.

                                  BARILKO
                        Ducting? Yeah, I think I can get
                        you some of that. I might even have
                        some laying around in the back.

                                                          DISSOLVE TO:



              INT. - AKLUITOK'S HOUSE - LATER

              Akluitok is sitting at his kitchen table, taping his ducting
              together in an intricate webbing. He gets a fan and is taping
              it to one end of his ducting web. When he finishes that, he
              makes his way over to the fridge we saw before and starts
              lugging it across the floor to the middle of the room.

                                                          DISSOLVE TO:



              INT. - AKLUITOK'S HOUSE - LATER

              Close on Akluitok's satisfied smile as he looks on like a
              proud father who's looking upon his first-born child for the
              first time. Pulling back we see that he's duct taped the fan
              to the open fridge, with the ducting spanning out throughout
              the house, the openings at various locations at the ceiling.
              It's kind of a monstrosity, but he hasn't done too bad of a
              job with it. He brings into view an extension cord in one
              hand and the plug from the fan in the other and connects
              them, sending the fan into motion. We can hear the whirring
              of the fan and Akluitok looks up to the ceiling as frosty air
              is pumped to the outer extremes of his igloo. He drops the
              cords, and brushes his hands at a job well-done and breathes
              a sigh of relief as he makes his way back to the couch to
              familiar territory and turns on the TV. The first thing to
              come on is the same documentary about global warming.
              Akluitok just laughs mockingly and switches the channel...

                                                        FADE TO BLACK.