Joker Jack

Such a beautiful day, Ann Hampton thought as she set a bowl of potato salad on the picnic table and turned to survey her surroundings.  It was bright and sunny in the small park.  The petals of blossoms that a light spring breeze blew off the trees looked like a flurry of snowflakes.  Her three friends and coworkers, Jane, Sue and Ellen, were trekking back and forth from the cars to the table, while all of their husbands supervised each other at the grills and the children whooped and yelled around the playground slides and swings.  I just hope the attitudes are as nice as the day.

She and her husband, Bill, had been socializing with the three women and their husbands, Bob, Jim and Jack, since they'd begun working together almost three years ago.  Usually it was great fun, but lately Jack had become a bit of a jokester and it seemed to be getting worse. 

As the gals brought their last loads of chips, buns, condiments, salads and desserts to the table, Sue called out, "Hey, you guys!  Aren't those burgers ready yet?  You're holding up the works here!"

"Oh, hold your horses," Bill yelled back.  "I didn't hear you order yours rare!"

"Anybody want tea?"  Ann asked, holding the insulated pitcher aloft.  "Might as well have something to sip on while we wait."

"Might as well," Ellen replied.  "It looks like it may be awhile."

"Pour four more," Sue said.  "I'll take them over to the guys.  After all, they're slaving over a hot grill."

"Yeah, gotta feel sorry for them," Jane added. 

Ann said, "Yeah, well, it's not like we haven't been slaving in our own kitchens for the past couple of days."

With the exception of a few minor squabbles among the kids, the meal went well and Ann began to relax and really enjoy the camaraderie of their friends.

After everyone had finished eating and the kids had run back to the playground, Jim hauled out a portable CD player.  Soon they were listening to a series of hits by The Beatles.  When Michelle began, Jim got up, approached his wife and sang, "Su-elle, my belle," to everyone's amusement.  Not to be outdone, Bill began to serenade Ann with I Never Promised You a Rose Garden and soon everyone joined in. 

They were all having a good time, singing, laughing and reminiscing about the times the songs brought to memory.  When Yellow Submarine began Jack approached Jane.

"Come on, Janie, let's dance."

"No, no, not me," she said, holding up her hand.  "Get Ellen to dance with you."

"Oh, come on, please, please, please," he begged with an exaggerated look of hurt feelings.

Jane laughed.  "Some other time maybe."

He tried pulling her to her feet, but she resisted.  "Well, phooey on you," he said, dropping her hands and turning away.

Seconds later, before anyone knew what was happening, he picked up a glass of tea and dumped it on Jane's head.

"Oh!"  She jumped up and the women began grabbing handfuls of paper towels and handing them to her to try to mop up her face and clothes while the other men looked on with confused expressions.  "Oh, I'm a mess!  Bob, call the kids and help me get our stuff together."

"What?" Jack said.  "Don't tell me you're breaking up the party!"  Ignoring him, Jane began packing up to leave.  "Can't you take a little joke?"  Still, Jane didn't reply.

Ann turned to Bill.  "We'd better get going, too."

"There!" Jack yelled at Jane.  "You happy?  You're such a party pooper!"

While Jack ranted, Ellen turned to her friends with a helpless shrug and mouthed, "Sorry."

Soon everyone was trudging to their respective cars with their last loads.  As they left the park, Ann was seething.  "Can you believe that jerk?  Dumping a whole cup of tea on Jane's head and then calling her a ‘party pooper' just because she wanted to go home and get cleaned up!  I don't know how much more of his boorish behavior I can take!"

Bill shrugged.  "Well, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves."

"Yeah, until Jack had to be such a . . . a . .  Jackass!"

Bill laughed.  "Take it easy before you have a stroke."

"He's enough to give anyone a stroke.  I don't know how Ellen stands being around him all the time."

"He probably doesn't act like that at home."

"God, I certainly hope not.  Those poor kids."

As Ann's thoughts turned more toward Ellen and the children, her anger morphed into compassion for the other members of the family.  How horrible it must be to live with someone like that.


The next day during breaks at work, the women chatted about how much fun it had been reminiscing about old times, but nothing was mentioned about the fiasco that ended their outing.  How can they just act as if it never happened, Ann wondered.  But I'm just as bad.  I haven't said anything either!

A couple of weeks later, the gals were at lunch when Sue leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, "Listen, guys, Jim's and my tenth anniversary is coming up next month.  It's on the 20th, that's a Sunday.  I was thinking that we could all do something to celebrate."

"What did you have in mind?" Jane asked.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe I could have a dinner party on Saturday evening.  Something like that."

"That's sounds like fun," Ellen said.

Ann nodded.  "I'll check with Bill, but I'm sure you can count us in."

"Good," Sue smiled.  "Then let's plan on it."


On the evening of May 19th, Bill pulled the car into the curb behind two others.  "Looks like everybody is here already," he commented.

Ann glanced at her watch.  "It's just now six o'clock.  We're right on time."

Bill pushed the doorbell and Jim soon threw open the door.  "Come on in," he said, standing back so they could enter.  "Ann, Sue's is the kitchen.  We guys are watching the game in the living room, Bill, would you like a beer?"

"Sure.  The game any good?"

"Kind of slow so far.  Go on in, I'll be right there."

Ann followed Jim toward the kitchen.  As they passed through the dining room, she paused to admire the table sparkling with crystal, silver and really unusual china.

"Oh, Sue," she called out.  "Your table is beautiful!"  She picked up a translucent white plate, surrounded with a band of tiny gold flowers as Sue walked up behind her.  "This looks like real gold, is it?"

Sue nodded.  "It was my mother's.  Actually about the only thing I have left of hers."  Tears welled in her eyes.  "Her older sister gave it to her when she married my dad."  She smiled.  "I thought our tenth anniversary was a good time to use it."

Ann, her eyes also welling, nodded wordlessly and reached out to give her friend a hug.  "It's a wonderful time," she whispered.

The dinner was as great as the table had forecast with a juicy beef roast and all the trimmings, including a terrific wine. 

"Now for the cake," Sue announced as she rose to clear the dinner plates.  The other women began to help.

"I guess these are not bound for the dishwasher," Ann said, as she carefully placed a stack of plates on the counter.

"No way!"  Sue laughed.  "Hand washed with loving care."  She took a stack of matching dessert plates out of the cabinet.  "If you all will take these in, I'll bring the cake."

When everyone was finished eating, they lingered at the table.  Suddenly Jack pushed back his chair and said, "Hey, I gotta show you guys something.  He walked around the table, stopping beside Jim at the end, and nudging him aside. 

With a confused look on his face, Jim stood up, stepped back, glanced at Sue and shrugged.

"This is a trick I learned years ago," Jack announced, grasping the end of the tablecloth is both hands.  "I'm going to show you guys how to remove this tablecloth without disturbing a thing on the table."

Sue jumped to her feet and shouted hysterically, "No-o-o . . ."

As if in slow motion, the cloth began to move.  Wine glasses teetered and overturned, spreading dark red stains on the white linen.  Plates and silver began to slide.  In a second, that seemed like an hour, everything went crashing onto the floor, shattering on the hardwood and Jack stood sheepishly holding the smeared cloth.

Sue ran sobbing from the room.  Jim hurried after her and, with a sigh, Ann began cleaning up the smashed china and glassware.  The others, except for Jack, silently began to help.

Jack followed the path Jim and Sue had taken into the living room.  "Hey, where's everybody going?  I guess it didn't work right this time.  Can't you take a little joke?"

When everything had been cleaned up, Ann pulled a small pad and pen out of her purse and began writing.  Jim came back into the room.

"Sue's not feeling well," he said, looking helplessly around the room.

Ann stepped up and laid a hand on his arm.  "Please tell her," she said softly, "how sorry I am about her lovely china.  I'll call her tomorrow." 

Jim nodded and everybody trailed out of the house.  On the way to their cars, Jack groused, "One more party gone bust." 

Ann couldn't be sure of Ellen's response but she thought she heard, "It's okay.  Your trick just didn't work this time." 

Bill had no more turned the key in the ignition than Ann exploded.  "Did you hear that?  I can't believe that she is supporting him!  That china had been a wedding gift to Sue's mother and Ellen knew how much she valued it.  How could she possibly think that what he did was okay?  I'll never spend another minute around that lout if I have anything to say about it!"

Bill wisely just let her vent.


A couple of weeks later Ann came home from work and announced, "I want to have a dinner party."

Bill looked at her with a raised eyebrow.  "What about Jack?"

Ann shrugged.  "We'll not invite them.  Who says that we have to spend our time with them?  We should be able to choose who we want to come."

"Are you going to invite Sue, Jim, Jane and Bob?"

"Of course."

"But what happens when Ellen and Jack find out that we had a party and didn't invite them?"

"They won't find out."

"How can you be so sure?  What if Sue or Jane say something to Ellen?"

"They won't.  I'll tell them not to say anything.  After the last time, I'm sure Sue doesn't want to be around Jack any more than I do."

Bill nodded.  "Probably not Jane either after what happened at the picnic."

"Right.  See, it'll all work out.  How about next weekend?"

"Okay, if that's what you want to do."


The next day at work, Ann pulled Sue and Jane aside and laid out her plan.  "But you can't say a word to Ellen."

"No problem," they both agreed.


The party was a delight with no concern about practical jokesters.  On Monday morning, Sue and Jane were in the break room talking quietly about how much fun it had been.  Ellen approached unnoticed and paused in the doorway, listening.
After a moment, she burst into the room.  "Who had a party?" she demanded to know.

Sue and Jane looked at each other, blushes rising in their cheeks.  "What do you mean?" Jane asked, innocently.

"You were just talking about a party," Ellen accused.

Sue waved her hand dismissively.  "Oh, that?  That was years ago."

"Oh, yeah?"  Ellen looked from one to the other with narrowing eyes.  "You're lying to me, both of you.  It was Ann, wasn't it?  Ann and Bill."  She half-turned toward the door.  "And we, Jack and I, weren't invited.  That's it, isn't it?"  She stormed out of the room.

Within hours, the rumors were flying. 

Ann noticed that some of the men were watching her with lascivious expressions and there seemed to be more than usual small knots of people speaking in low tones.  The thing that bothered her most was how they stopped as she neared and resumed after she had passed.  Are they talking about me?  Sometimes she would catch a few words before they noticed her coming.

". . . do that to a friend . . ."

". . . back-stabbing bitch . . ."

" . . . cheating . . ."

Finally, she couldn't stand it any longer.  She went by Sue's desk, leaned down and whispered in her ear.  "I need to talk to you.  Meet me in the supply room." 

Quickly she moved to the designated room.  Within a couple of minutes, Sue slipped through the door and closed it behind her.

Ann took her hand and moved to the far corner.  "Is everyone talking about me?" she blurted.

Sue dropped her gaze to her hands and watched as she laced and unlaced her fingers.  Slowly she nodded.  "I'm afraid so."

"But why?  What have I done?"

A blush slowly rose in Sue's cheeks.  "It's all my fault.  I'm so sorry."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Jane and I were in the break room this morning and we were talking about the party over the weekend.  I never thought too much about it because we were all alone and I know we weren't supposed to say anything, but . . ."

"But, what?"

"Well, apparently Ellen came up and was standing outside the door, listening.  When she had, I guess, heard enough to figure it out, she came storming in and really blew her top."

"And she going around spreading lies about me?"  Sue nodded.  "What's she saying?"

"You don't want to know."

"Of course, I want to know!  That's why I'm asking."

"Well, the worst thing is that you were coming on to her husband.  Jack!  Can you imagine?  Anyway, she's saying that you turned on her when she found out about it."

"Oh, no!  I can't believe that she'd say such a thing."

"I can't either.  I thought we were all friends."

"Oh, well, what's done is done.  All this talk can't go on forever, can it?  It‘ll all die down eventually.  By this afternoon they'll probably find someone else to talk about."

Sue nodded.  "I hope so."

"Okay, Sue, thanks for telling me.  You go on back, I'll be there in a minute."

Ann stood staring at the shelves full of paper, envelopes and file folders.  How could Ellen be so vicious?  Does her defense of Jack go as far as spreading slanderous rumors?  Didn't she even care how Sue treasured the china he had broken?  She sighed and turned toward the door. 

The rest of the afternoon, Ann could hardly concentrate on her work.  Every time somebody walked by her desk and glanced in her direction, she couldn't help wondering if they had heard the things that were being said.  She felt miserable.  How long will I have to put up with this before it dies down?


Day after day the gossip continued, but Ann tried to ignore it. 

One day she felt as if she'd had all she could stand.  When work was finally over, Ann hurried out of the building.  Her mood deepened as she drove home and started dinner.  By the time Bill arrived she was more than a little depressed.  She heard him drop his briefcase on the hall table and walk to the doorway of the living room.

"Honey?  Where are you?"

"In here," she called out.  "The kitchen."

He came into the room and gave her a little kiss.  "So how was your day?"

"You wouldn't believe it," she said, unwanted tears rising in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

I've got to stay calm!  "It's Ellen.  It seems that she found out about the party we had and she . . . she started spreading all kinds of rumors about me.  It's been going on for days now.  I thought I could just ignore it and it would go away, but it hasn't.  I'm just so miserable, having everyone looking at me and knowing what they're saying behind my back."

"What'd she say?"

"Oh, apparently all sorts of things, but the worst was that I'd been trying to move in on Jack.  Can you imagine?  How could anyone believe that?  They should know that I don't find him the least bit attractive, in fact, I find him more obnoxious than anything."

"So, you just have to put a stop to all the gossip."

"But how?"

Bill shrugged.  "Confront her.  Call her out."

"But I can't do that!"

"Sure you can.  You have to.  You've got to let people know that they can't just walk all over you and get away with it.  Let it be known that you're not going to put up with such nonsense."

"But surely it'll die down eventually."

"And meanwhile you're miserable trying to deal with it."

"But I don't want to cause any trouble."

"The trouble has already been caused, by Ellen.  You've got to deal with it head on."

"But how?"

"Just go up to her and tell her you know what's she's been saying and make her admit that she made it all up just because she was mad at you."

"I don't know.  You know how I hate confrontations."

"But you have to do something.  You know you do."

All evening, Ann stewed about the dilemma.  Bill's right, I know he is.  It's the only thing to do.  But how can I?  I just hate causing such a terrible scene.

After a restless night, she got ready for work and went to the office early.  Walking past the break room, she glanced inside and found Ellen and several other coworkers.  I've got to face it.  It's now or never.

Determinedly she strode through the door.  "Ellen, we have to talk."