Our Life with Three Extra Boys!

Bill and I had been foster parenting for the better part of three years and were living in the Sunshine State (Florida) when we received a call asking if we could take three brothers, ages 8, 7, and 5. My own son, Jason, was age 9 and we also had a foster daughter, age 15, living with us at the time as well.

Normally we didn't need to think about it, but this would surely change the family picture and its needs considerably. We held a family conference to include the input from both our son and our foster daughter, Sherry. Sitting at the kitchen table, we listed the pros and cons of adding three more little ones to the family. In the end, we agreed to give it a try. Sherry was always more than willing to help and Jason liked the idea of having kids to play with living right at home with him.

Learning More from the Social Worker

Bill and I learned as much as we could before the kids actually moved in. Gary, the 8-yr. old, had learning problems and was always viewed as the odd duck in the group. Peter, the 7-yr. old, was described as having no problems and was just "happy-go-lucky" no matter where he was. And then there was the little guy, Chad, who we were warned, had mastered the art of manipulation. "Be careful," laughed the social worker, "that kid will con you out of your last dime if you take him in a store."

Trying to get Settled

We were happy the house we were living in was spacious and had been renovated with an addition, thereby giving us four bedrooms. Sherry needed her own room, of course, as did Bill and I. That left the four boys. We paired Gary with Jason as they were close in age, and put Peter and Chad together in the fourth bedroom.

Bill and I had not yet even gone to bed when there was trouble. Jason was accustomed to having his own room and now Gary was messing with his things. Between Jason's whining and Gary's pushing of everyone's "buttons", the stress level rose.

Sherry suddenly jumped into the picture, ordered Gary in no uncertain terms to get into his bed and stay there, and walked out of their room with a smug smile on her face. We couldn't help but laugh at what she had accomplished and within a moment, she was laughing too.

Trying to Help Gary

As the weeks passed, we were firm with Gary, slowly helping him learn that being a "part" of the family is better than trying to be the center of attention. We were overjoyed that he and Jason now frequently played together, climbing the large pine trees in our yard, and getting a lot of healthy exercise.

Jason, an accomplished fisherman, helped Gary learn the skills of fishing. It was a joy to see Gary with a smile on his face, showing the confidence he had been so lacking in.

If only that could have been a lasting thing. Gary had a love/hate relationship with his natural mother. He needed to love her and desperately wanted her attention, but she simply did not like him. While she would shower her youngest with hugs and kisses, and show some interest in Peter, she was extremely critical of her oldest boy.

Gary was smart enough to know his mother was rejecting him and his first day back with us after a visit was always difficult for all of us. He knew we loved him, but of course we couldn't take the place of his mother any more than he could accept her disdain of him.

Chad Goes Too Far

One night I had to run to the store for a few items. On the way out the door, Chad tried to charm me into buying him a Dr. Pepper. Those little eyes would gleam and usually I would give in to his desires without much of a fight.

That night was different, however. He had been so rebellious most of the afternoon, that I determined he would not be rewarded for bad behavior. I told him in no uncertain terms that he would not be getting a Dr. Pepper or anything else that night!

Suddenly, without warning, Chad threw a huge tantrum which included him striking out at anyone or anything. It all happened so fast I couldn't move before he struck our Golden Retriever squarely in the mouth. Normally a gentle, loving animal, the dog reacted in surprise as well, and solidly grabbed Chad's little hand in anger.

Leaving the older kids with Sherry, Bill and I quickly wrapped a tight wash cloth around his bleeding hand and rushed off for a 20-minute drive to the hospital. Chad's anger was lost in his fears and we were his best friends until the doctor began stitching up the gashes.

When all was said and done, Chad had 25 stitches to close the wounds in his hand, and the trip home from the hospital was done in silence, with Chad sleeping soundly, his head in my lap.

Peter the Perfect

Peter was so "problem free" I really found that to be troubling. Was it simply because he was the middle child and he didn't face the stresses that come with being the oldest or youngest? I didn't and still don't know the answer to that, but I couldn't help but worry about Peter.

He was almost too good to be true. Never a problem at home or in school, friendly, yet was he perhaps too detached from his mother? Having him around was like a breath of fresh air but in all honesty, I would have felt better if he'd just once have talked back to me, or complained of doing his chores.

I hugged him regularly, making sure he knew I cared about him. I tried to cook his favorite foods two or three times a week, hoping he would know I considered him to be important.

Mom Reverses her Decision

Suddenly, as quickly as these three boys came into our lives, they disappeared. Their mother decided she wanted her children home where they belonged and that was the end of it. Social services had only placed them voluntarily, at her request, so she could have them back at her request as well.

I was heartbroken. I couldn't help but worry about them, especially Gary and Peter. When the boys came home from school that day, I broke the news to them. Being children, they were happy to hear they were going home and anxiously began their packing. A mere two hours later, they were gone!

Postscript

Sadly, it wasn't but two months later when I got news of a disturbing occurrence regarding Gary. It was a blustery Fall school day. While I have no knowledge of what preceeded the horrible actions of this so-called mother, I was told Gary was seen pounding on the front door of his house, stark naked, while his mother refused to let him in.

I can only hope and pray that social services got him out of her custody once again and put him in a safe environment.