Growing Up Girls

Have you ever belonged to a group of girls, a clique so to speak, but in your 30s and 40s instead of the little mean girls you knew in high school?

I didn't start having this kind of a relationship with women until I was well into my 30s, that is, once I had my fill of men. This time in my life, I had been in a stable relationship with Mr. Right and we were living the all American household dream, I reckon. We had a house, two kids, and our own business, so if that is a dream for anyone out there, then yes, we were living it. It was a dream to us, in those early dreamy years.

However, after a decade of "playing house" I needed something more. The connection between girlfriends is totally unexplainable and this mystery bond between us gals kept me sane for a time during a short span, yet difficult, period in my life.

They say time heals all and I understand that saying, today, after experiencing it time after time again in my own life, especially in these last three years. During this trio of 365 days I've had the opportunity to deal with the dreaded emotion called grief. This is something I don't wish on even my fiancé’s ex girlfriend.

My girlfriends were right there for me during all of it; in front of me anticipating every need I may have, surrounding me in a wall of protection, but at the same time being honest with me about the realities of life and not letting me slip off into some sort of fantasy depression. They were there for me when I was in a daze and didn't know the truth from the false, in the beginning of the grieving process.

Then at one point in time I stood up, looked around, and everyone was gone. They had rejoined their own lives, rightfully so, and thank God. With my girlfriends back in their own worlds, it forced me to make some decisions on my own, putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, learning to start living again.

A full time job landed in my lap, I've been with them now for nearly two years, and while it's not my dream job, it pays the bills.

I've been blessed with the ability to love again and I am now in another relationship; one of which is like no other seeing how we were friends for such a long time before becoming intimate. We are to be married November 1 of this year. He is great for the kids too.

Continuing my education is somewhat fulfilling, I say somewhat because I can only do it one class at a time and I'd much rather do it full time and get it done.

Being restored to some sort of sanity, I've been able to see my role in the parenting of my children. I've seen my mistakes and have been given the opportunity to repair some damage. It is nothing major, it deals with discipline, or lack thereof from previous years - especially in the midst of the grieving years - I am grateful for each day that I see progress.

So yeah, there has been some growth in my life; growth that I did not seek out but forced upon me instead. Growth that I struggled with for a long time, fought tooth and nail, went kicking and screaming the whole way. Huge change did not sit well with me in the beginning but it is settling in and I'm adjusting.

This is where it begins to get a little murky with regards to the girlfriends. Experiencing all of this change has put a strain on time, life does move on after all, and trying to make time with the girlfriends was put on the back burner, by everyone involved.

On occasion we are able to get together but it is nothing like it once was, in the days where we would see each other at least 3 or 4 times during the week, being intimate in spiritual matters and sharing our lives as we experienced it. Our individual observation on worldly, sometimes divine, events helped keep each other open minded enough to learn something new on a regular basis.

Now that our gatherings have been called short, few and far in between, it is now that I realize that perhaps some of us have grown apart, or so it seems. Is it that I have gotten so caught up in my own life, again, that I have forgotten from whence I came just a few short years ago? Or is it now that I have rejoined humanity, somewhat, I am looking at them with different eyes? I have a different outlook, a different perspective, or is it perception? At any rate, something is different.

I think perhaps it is just the natural progression of life. We all move on, growing up and out of our old skins, our own lives, continuing on whatever path we choose and if we are lucky we meet and get to experience soulful spirits in our lives for forever and ever and we get to watch them grow up, and yes, eventually grow away from us.