Love Lost

Living out my past, I think, always
Of lost dreams, shattered lives,
Living the dream, living the lie.
Many times to me words spoken,
Do this, do that, do it right,
But my path took a different route,
Sometimes forward, always back.
I cannot say that what I did,
Saw, touched, changed much,
But no matter how small, profound,
These actions always would come back,
To haunt me, chase me, catch me out.
And now I face my demons, true
They cannot hurt, not physically.
But mental scars, wounds from words,
Memories, dreams; these cut like knives,
Ripping through the soul, tortured.

From child to grave my dreams were false,
Yet nothing turned me from my path,
I hurt, got hurt; loved and feared,
Saw justice, pain, imprisoned truth,
Behind the eyes of those I loved,
And hurt in equal measure, yet
I went to others, did the same,
Chose to poison, brought them shame,
Then left them lying, bitter, torn,
While I lived on, walking tall,
Never letting past lives matter,
To me, to anyone at all.
So why? Why now? The ghosts come back,
To haunt my dreams, my wake, my sleep.
This pain and hurt, that I have caused,
Comes back, tenfold, and suddenly,
I see, I realise that what, I’ve done, I feel,
Is my regret. And can I live with what I’ve done,
This hell I caused, this bitter hate,
I fear that as I sit, my eyes closed tight,
Nothing ever makes it right.
Wiping tears from my eyes, there’s nothing left
For me to say, except
Goodbye…

Goodbye