Beginnings

As I lay here, in this cell of white walls As I lay here, in this cradle of fluid
on a papery bed, fed by a tube            and soft walls, fed by a tube
which sustains my life,                      which sustains my life,
I think of nothing.                              I dream of everything.
All that I know                                    All that I know
is an endless void and all                    is a peaceful solitude and all
I wish is to be released.                      I wish is to remain here.
I am trapped,                                          I am protected,
a prisoner                                          a delicate crystal
within my own body.  I cannot move    within another’s body.  I can move
nor can I wake.                                  and I desire never to fall asleep.
My thoughts wander                          My imagination runs wild
in solitude, unable to                          with all I do not know, unable to
be heard or expressed                      discover that which is my fantasy
by my motionless face and lips.        and that which is the truth.
I feel as though I am                          I feel as though I am
a babe, helpless                              in a paradise, sleeping on clouds
and held hostage within the womb.    and comforted by tenderness.
Please, free me                                Please, keep me
from this eternally frozen                  in this everflowing
sea of darkness…                            sea of safety and comfort…
I fear I will be bound here forever.      I fear I will be stolen away from here.
I feel myself lifting up.                        I feel myself drifting.
Am I finally leaving from                          Am I finally being taken from
this torture?  Yes!  I can feel it!          this rapture?  No!  I can feel it!
I will be free                                      I will be snatched away
from this empty sleep.                      from this life-giving dream.
Oh, how I’ve longed for this.              Oh, how I’ve dreaded this.
My soul slowly separates from          My body slowly separates from
my body as I ascend. And as I          my mother’s as I descend. And as I
travel, I see                                      travel, I see

                              {i}{b}a light welcoming{/b}{/i}
                            {i}{b}me to my new world,{/b}{/i}
                            {i}{b}and I cry as I realize{/b}{/i}
                            {i}{b}that this other world{/b}{/i}
                            {i}{b}which I used to fear{/b}{/i}
                              {i}{b}is truly wonderous.{/b}{/i}