Naugahyde Jungle

I face joints that ache, nails that break
and dentures that can't bite into steak.
My excuses are plentiful and my waistline too.
My eyes puff and my face has lost its dew.
No time to waste. This I can’t bungle
I need a membership at the Naugahyde jungle.

Early morn and I crave strong coffee and a bite
You dieters can relate to my pitiful plight
I inhale my donut with coffee to wash it down
And I head to the gym with determination and a frown
I need a strenuous workout that’s bona fide
I need to tackle the teal jungle that is Naugahyde

I climb the stepper and try to stop my thighs from jiggling
Grip the handles and hope my arms soon stop wiggling
But weakness from hunger prevents much movement
Surely another small donut would bring improvement
But what excuse can I use to leave? It seems I’m tongue tied
I can’t escape the jungle that is Naugahyde

I tackle the stationary bike with no enthusiasm.
Praying I don’t have a cardiospasm.
My indecisiveness adds to my immobility
So I disembark to stretch and increase flexibility
A nearby exerciser wakes himself with his own snore
Surely the Naugahyde jungle can’t be such a bore

Jerry, my inspiration, cuts a slim figure at the gym
He encourages me with his stretches to stay trim
In his white T-shirt and black sweats
He talks of a life of many regrets
All he wants is someone on his side
At the teal jungle that is Naugahyde

He poses for me in his Arnold stance
He is still hoping for a budding romance
Then complains about his pains and joints
But his flatulation isn’t making any points
I quickly remind him there’s much pride
In the teal jungle that is Naugahyde

He laughs and asks if I’ve won the lottery yet
I explain, I only put money on a sure bet
He grins and says he wants me to adopt him if I do
That unlikely scenario would be my waterloo
My sugar fixes would have to be put aside
As we tackle the teal jungle that is Naugahyde