Ashes Called Tears

I wasn't always a crier
Back when I had more than just memories
Of you.
Now all I know of "us" is
Who we could have been.

Still, it's hard to cry every night away
When it hurts a lot less to laugh.
I cry a tear less a day,
Attempt a broken smile;
Black sorrow gently turns to gray.

My eyes sting, but not from smoke this time
I'll swear I'll not forget
Your boyish face,
Once lit by that soft and gentle smile.
I'll not forget
those promises we made
By the light of a much calmer fire.

I'll always remember
the tickle of your breath in my ear,
Your warm arm around my soul
You were so good at holding me together;
So when you were gone, I fell to pieces
That needed you.

You were college-bound,
Our love was young
Just a boy, but so much more
Because when I closed my eyes,
I just saw you,
Honestly, love,
I still do.

But fires all eventually die,
They sputter and lose their strength
They cry dry black tears
At the hint of the end,
Which settle and are still;
The only reminder a fire was there
Is their black and sooty trail.

And from those dark tears,
Rises a new me
More fragile and small
But whole at least
Because the living never stay broken.

You would want me to be brave,
To smile again,
So I'll laugh, and maybe no one will see
That I'm shaking beneath my wide smile.
If I tremble, let me tremble bravely
I'll do it for you
And your green-star eyes;
Your memory will help me mend.

The only clue
That you lived and we loved
Are the ashes
I cry
From my memories.

I promise it's better to have loved and lost
Than to never have loved you at all.
You taught me to love,
How to be truly loved
And for that,
I believe,
I am stronger.