Currents of Hope

Currents of Hope

         Maria sat in the dark while her formerly estranged husband slept in the bed beside her. Sean had fallen asleep quickly after their passionate tryst. It was the first time they made love since before their separation six months earlier. Sean was perfectly gentle; everything Maria needed him to be. She expected to feel different; she wanted to feel happy.

         Maria dropped her head into her palms, as her breath quickened. She grabbed her bag and rummaged for a lighter. Her hand trembled as she lit the candle in the center of the round table. The flame cast a soft glow into the small cabin. She propelled a long, steady breath through her pursed lips. Even though the court lifted the restraining order months before, seeing Sean still made Maria uneasy.

         Sean had gained her respect when he started working on his problems under the care of a therapist. He started taking an anti-depressant, and he completed anger management classes. Remarkably, he became a new man, reminiscent of the way he was when Maria first met him thirteen years earlier. They began meeting once a week in the office of a marriage counselor, and they began dating again. To Maria’s amazement, they talked more than ever; Sean was kind, respectful, and he expressed voluble sorrow for hurting her. Yet, despite his flawless progress and sincere apologies, the memory of their last fight’s conclusion haunted Maria: the image of his large hand coiling, squeezing the supple skin of her neck, holding it there while she struggled to breathe through his constricting grip. His eyes locked on her. Their blue color vanished, superimposed by widened black pupils. Somehow, Maria managed to push out words, pleading for her release. After a long moment, he did and left.

         She understood that Sean’s anger and depression were symptoms of a chemical imbalance; but, she couldn’t shake that memory or the memories of years of their marriage, under constant worry that his looming rage would surface. The day he crossed the line, Maria knew she had to help herself. Pressing charges against the man she loved was a daunting task. The loss she felt that day devastated her. Moreover, fear that Sean would avenge his arrest consumed her. The first month separated, she changed the locks and slept beside a baseball bat. Then, during their family court session, Maria was astounded by the news of his desire to make amends and by his efforts to seek professional help. Still, after all his endeavors to win her back, Maria’s persistent anxiety would not yet release her heart and allow him amnesty.

         The weekend trip to the cabin in the Adirondacks was a goal they’d set during marriage counseling. Sean was eager to move back into their house, but Maria wanted to first test the waters. Maria watched Sean’s chest rise and fall in peaceful sleep. She left the candle burning and slid into bed beside her husband.

         When Maria woke in the morning, Sean was already showered and dressed. He handed her a foam cup. “Coffee, my love?”

"Sure, thank you," Maria muttered and took the cup.

“It’s a nice day. Let’s take a drive.” He tossed his car keys into the air playfully and caught them. “There’s someplace I want to show you.”

Maria studied his face. “Where?”

“It’s just a pretty spot I know of down by the river.”

"Okay, I guess I’ll go get ready."

         Driving along the river on a desolate road, Maria gazed at the breathtaking view. Springtime buds had expanded into petite green leaves on the trees gracing the wooded shore of the river. As far as she could see, the woods were thick with deep hunter pine and the darkness of the maple, tall oak, and poplar tree bark. Sporadic blotches of white highlighted lovely birch trees that grew out and over the river banks. Charmed with bulbous clouds, elegant mountain tops peaked above the landscape.

         Sean parked on the roadside, parallel to the river. He jumped out and ran around the car to open Maria’s door. He clasped her hand, and they began their walk down the road. They came to a path leading toward the river. Sean pointed and announced, “This way.”

         A little way down the path, Maria spotted a footbridge that stretched over the narrow river.

         Sean increased his pace, leading the way onto the bridge. Maria stepped onto the bridge and stopped. Sean kept moving until he reached the middle. “Maria, come closer.”

         With furrowed brow, she folded her arms across her chest. “Why?”

         He walked back and stood in front of her. The morning sun illuminated half of his face. She looked into his bright blue eyes. “Just come on,” he said in a soft tone. He tugged her arm, pulling her gently toward the bridge’s railing. Maria stiffened as Sean stood behind her and wrapped his heavy arms around her.

         She looked down at the water gushing below the bridge. It ran fiercely, cresting over large rocks in a furious effort to escape downstream. The water and the rocks closed in on her, and suddenly, she felt nauseous. She thought, how easily he could push me over the low railing; no one would see him do it; no one would help me.

         Sean lifted his right arm and pointed to the water and the rocks below. “This, here, is the point at which the Oswegatchie River and the Wanakena tributary meet and flow together. The river needs the tributary to find its way to the lake.” Sean lowered his arm and wrapped it around Maria again. He kissed her soft, auburn hair.

         Maria exhaled and relaxed her shoulders, letting herself lean back into his warm chest. She peered out over the winding tributary, focusing on Sean’s gentle tone rich with fervor.

“Maria, I want to renew our wedding vows.”

         She closed her eyes and listened to the currents running toward the lake. She felt the sun’s light beaming on her face.

“I’d like that, too.”


Word Count: 1000