Mystery of a Man's Desire for a Woman -1

The Mystery of a Man’s Desire for a Woman
By: Young Theophilus

Chapter 1- Our Ignorance of a Mystery

What a stupid title for a book don’t you think? The mystery of a man’s desire for a woman… please... We know all too well what this “mysterious” desire is don’t we? It’s all over our culture from our crude western humor to every single aspect of entertainment. There is only one possible explanation for this powerful desire that burns within a man for a woman, it has been said so many times in so many ways but in the end men just desire sex.

Then why such a stupid title to a book that obviously is a waste of time? Well, I am not writing to tell you that the mystery of a man’s desire for a woman is sex. Why bother with the obvious. I am writing this book to offer you the consideration that maybe, just maybe, the desire for sexual intercourse is only a part of a much larger, grander, and more powerful desire that furiously pours from a man’s heart for a woman.

I realize at this point that just about every man is laughing, thinking me to be gay, or out of my mind. At the same time almost every woman is rolling her eyes knowing from experience all too well that men have always only wanted just one thing. If after this first chapter your heart is not troubled and your mind curious then place these simple words aside and continue with your life. In this first chapter I only wish to offer you the hope that maybe, just maybe there is more to the fiery desire in a man’s heart for a woman than just sexual intercourse.

The Mystery

I am not suggesting that there is not a strong desire in a man to have sexual intercourse with a woman. To even suggest such a thought would certainly contradict the magnificence of God’s creation. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:27-28) The Lord in His infinite wisdom did not simply give a command to biologically multiply but also the means to do so through the ingeniously pleasurable act of sexual intercourse. This command of perpetuation to humanity was delightfully reinforced by placing a powerful desire for sexual intercourse within both men and women but with particular undeniable intensity in a man.

Yet much has been lost since mankind sinned. Sin brought a terrible and deceptive pollution to all of God’s creation including our understanding and use of a man’s desire for a woman. It is here at the beginning of mankind’s creation that I would like us to begin our journey into this mystery together. We must never forget one thing though. God created all things and they were all “good”. (Genesis 1:31) If there is one thing we have become deceived about in our religious thinking it is the true nature of sin. So often in our ignorance humanity has classified certain acts as sinful and others as good. Yet we will see shortly that such shallow perceptions of sin only serve to mask the true destructive nature of sin in all its terrible deception.

I grew up as a young Christian child being taught that sexual intercourse was dirty and sinful. When I was about 12 years old I remember defending the reputation of my parents to the laughter an older and rather crude young man that they did not have sex to create me. Yet the truth is God created sexual intercourse and it was and still is good. Jesus in His profound wisdom helps us see more clearly in Matthew 15:10-20 that sin does not come from external actions or events but rather from the internal wickedness of the human heart through misusing all of God’s good creations for our own evil plans.

Let us take a very simple look as we begin to reveal the true nature of our sin. God boils down all sin into two simple actions of the human heart, “My people have committed two sins; They have forsaken me the spring of living water and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.” (Jeremiah 2:13) Amidst every single sin mankind has ever committed our wicked hearts have taken two steps. First we reject God as our Love, our Life, our Creator and Sustainer. In our foolishness we have used all the good things God created and attempt to use them to fill the deep aching void that our rejection of God has created.

Therefore, sin is simply rejecting God and using His good creation in an attempt to replace His place in our hearts, souls, minds, and bodies. Thus is it possible to consider that humanity has been sinfully misusing a man’s desire towards a woman to replace God? If so could it be feasible to consider that we have completely misunderstood God’s true intent for this powerful desire within a man? Could it also be possible that this passion may well include the desire for sexuality yet the true longing may actually be for something far greater and grander than we could ever imagine. To even begin thinking of such things forces us to realize that…

Something Is Terribly Wrong

As a young man growing up in western culture I was bombarded with sexual images and teaching from a young age. Eventually this environment formed my understanding of this powerful desire within me towards a woman as being one completely and wholly sexual. Yet along the way several disconcerting events and thoughts began to disrupt this seemingly obvious conclusion. First of all as a man I have a hard time equating the intensity of my desire towards a woman with my physical ability to have sexual intercourse. More simply put my desire for a woman is ceaseless and unending but my ability to perform sexual intercourse is not. You can have a good laugh at that if you want but it is the truth.

The overwhelmingly intensity of a man’s desire for a woman is unending while a man’s ability to perform sexual intercourse is not. God has not created men with the physiological ability to sexually perform at the pace that their desire for a woman dictates. Oh I’m sure many men have tried but they have all failed, only to discover the bitter frustration of the truth. Men, let me ask you the question that that has burdened my own heart for years. Can you perform sexual intercourse with the same intensity and duration that you desire a woman?

Can this intense and overwhelmingly ceaseless desire for a woman be satisfied amidst a sexual experience by just a few times a day, a week, or a month? Furthermore many men have passed their physiological peak and their ability to perform sexually is decreasing daily. If sexual intercourse is the only means I have as a man to satisfy my deep and unending desire for a woman then I find myself saddened at a level beyond words.

It has been suggested that the average teenage male thinks of sexual intercourse 1 out of every 6 seconds in an average day. Now why would God give us a desire for something yet not provide the means to fulfill it? Is God cruel that he aims to torture his beloved creation? Or has humanity truly misunderstood God’s intent for this mysteriously powerful desire within a man? It is obvious that something is very wrong, the desire within a man and our ability to sexually fulfill that desire do not match.

I remember vividly my youth pastor telling our youth group of his early days as a husband. He remarked that early in his marriage he and his wife where having sex all the time until he overheard his wife one day in tears on the phone with her mother expressing she felt like a piece of meat. What horrified me as a young man was more than just the pain that this man’s sexual desire had caused his wife. What petrified me the most was that my youth pastor offered us no solution to prevent such a terrible possibility from taking place in our own marriages. What am I supposed to do? I have this powerful unending desire inside of me for a woman which I was told only sexual intercourse could satisfy. However the knowledge that acting upon that desire sexually may cause my wife such pain was just unthinkable. At that time I began to consider the possibility that something was terribly wrong with me and this powerful desire that furiously burned within me.

Truly if there is one segment of humanity that truly comprehends that something is terribly wrong with our current use and understanding of a man’s desire for a woman, it is women. You know this all too well don’t you my sisters? All women have seen this shameful evil in the men around them and most, dare I say all, have experienced it in one form or another. The pain this causes a woman takes root in the depths of her soul to such a degree that she does not dare to genuinely explore, think, or speak of the vile nature she sees within the men around her.

Secretly women long for something more than simply a man’s ridiculous obsession with sexual intercourse. Don’t you my sisters? How many of you have given up your hope for more from a man desire for you than just sexual intercourse? Yet I dare to suggest to you that there is hope. I know this hope cannot be seen but please gaze deeply within your own heart to a place carefully hidden. There you will find yourself quietly yearning for much more than any man has been able to offer you. This is a fragile hope but maybe this is all you have left. I trust that discovering this truth already existing within your own heart may strengthen your battered soul to continue on this journey with me.

I remember catching a brief segment of a television show many years ago and although I don’t remember the show or the actors I acutely remember the conversation. An older woman was speaking to a younger woman who was still a virgin and was “preparing” her for sexual intercourse with a man. At the conclusion of the conversation the older woman coldly and with a smirk remarked something to the nature of, “And when he’s done he’ll going running off like he committed some kind of crime.” Of course the studio audience laughed but I will never ever forget what I saw covering the face of that young girl. A portrayal of horror, grief, hopelessness, of inexpressible pain filled her eyes. I recieved the sense that in some small way the young girl for that brief segment was no longer acting and her tender heart surfaced to reveal the foulness of such a terrible possibility. Although this was simply a TV show it provides an illustration for something that may be very difficult for all of us to face. However I believe it is essential to our journey so please if you dare, stay with me. To gaze upon the heart of a man or a woman upon such disturbing matters will reveal…

A Deep and Quite Sadness

Men I now turn to you and gladly take my place among you. I am about to ask a question that should not be asked, yet for the sake of a genuine journey into the mystery of this desire, I must. What do you experience upon the completion of a sexual act with a woman, a man, multiple partners, or yourself? Do you sense the unending ecstasy and fulfillment of your grandest desire? Or is it something else? Of course during the sexual act you experience pleasure but I’m asking you about what you experience within your inner being just moments after completing a sexual act. Did you find the rich existential fulfillment that your powerful desire promised you? Or did you, like me, experience something else, something that no man myself included wants to face?

I wish to suggest to my brothers that upon the completion of a sexual act you will experience a deep and quite sadness at the core of who you are as a man. Oh it may be quite small, just a gentle whisper or faint echo in the depths of your hardened heart but let me assure you it is there. Perhaps you have tried to silence or ignore such a feeling out of fear of what such a revelation might mean. Yet again I ask you, is it there, a small and quiet sadness?

As men we are not trained to deal with the reality of our hearts but for the sake of our journey please explore this subtle heart-felt response genuinely. If you truly have never felt such a disheartening sadness there is no need for you to continue to reading this book. If you find that there is truly nothing wrong with your exclusively sexual desire for a woman then this book will not profit you at all. However if you find these words uncovering something deeply hidden within your soul then you must continue with me.

Do you see the significance of that quite little sadness? If you had truly and genuinely fulfilled your desire for a woman through a sexual act there would be a profound fulfillment and delight before, during, and after the completion of the act. The existence of such a deep and quiet sadness is enough to raise the thought that maybe the true purpose of your desire for a woman is far more than simply the completion of a sexual act. I would dare to propose to you this small sadness holds much more than I and my fellow men would dare to confront. This sadness is actually a deep reaching pain that strikes a man to his very core. The unthinkable pain of failing as a man.

The most terrifying thing to a man though is not the quiet sadness within his own heart but the understanding that a woman knows. Yet if a man has no way of understanding of his desire for a woman than completely sexual what other option does he have? In fact ignoring the signal of this quiet pain seems to men to be a necessity because they have no other alternative to express their desire for a woman. With no alternative a man is forced to ignore the signal for change that his quiet sadness provides in the hope that the woman he loves will not discover his failure.

These are strong and dangerous words but I urge you my brothers take this as your opportunity to stand strong and firm as a man and accept the brutality the truth you already know within your heart. You have misunderstood and misused your desire for a woman. There is something very, very wrong with your completely sexual understanding and use of your desire for a woman. If we genuinely explore this quiet sadness we will find that what men are truly running from is…

The Shame of Failure

Men if you dare to explore this pain further and more completely you will find it is more than just a deep sadness echoing menacingly within your soul. The completeness of this feeling is shame, shame of your total failure to fulfill the true purpose of a man’s desire towards a woman. Shame is the motivating force for a man to run and hide at the completion of a sexual act with a woman. Oh a man may not run physically but he will hide emotionally, mentally, and surely spiritually from a woman and God.

Do you remember what mankind’s first response was once we failed amidst the Garden of Eden? “Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.” (Genesis 3:8) The first man hid in shame amidst the Garden of Eden and today men continue to hide in the unbearable shame of our failure to use our desire for the women we love. I urge you my brothers if you wish true and genuine change, cease from your foolish hiding. Stand firm besides me as one who has failed completely and absolutely just as you have in misunderstanding this powerful desire for a woman. My brothers we must stop running from our shameful failure. May this moment be that moment for you.

The most terrifying thing to a man’s heart in that moment of overwhelming shame is that the woman he loves might see and understand the completeness of his failure as a man. Ironically a woman does not need to see this for she already knows. Never forget a man and woman in marriage are one body and not just during sexual intercourse but from the moment that God joined you together in marriage. (Genesis 2:24) A woman experiences far more of what is taking place within her husband than a man could possibly comprehend.

Although my understanding of women is quite limited I theorize that one of a woman’s great fears is a man’s response to her revealing her intimate understanding of his shameful failure. Most if not all women choose rather to hide this dangerous knowledge for the sake of relational harmony. Yet this response only serves to ignore the disease that is festering at the core of a marriage relationship. Shame is a painful consequence to misusing a man’s desire for a woman but deeper things lurk in…

The Root of Our Misuse and Misunderstanding

If shame exists upon the completion of a sexual act we must consider a man’s desire for a woman reaches far beyond simple sexuality. I do not want you to simply agree with me that something is terribly wrong with our understanding and use of a man’s desire. I want you to realize with certainty that you already know this all too well. But truly my brothers what other explanation have we received for this burning desire within us? Who is teaching the young men the true nature of their desire? Who is encouraging the young women to assist their husbands to explore this vast mystery? Oh how we have all so quickly settled for such a small piece of this vast and rich mystery within a man.

Have you given up hope for something more? Have you made yourself become content with so little, crushing the dissipating voice inside of you that weeps over the unbearable knowledge of your shameful failure as a man? You don’t have to live in regret my friends there is hope. Please dare to dream with me of a grander more enticing mystery that has remained hidden from us for far too long. “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9)

As I progressed through my teen years I came to a horrible realization. Marriage in our society with only some small exceptions functions amidst one general format. The man wants sex and therefore creates and acts upon strategies such as compliments, jewelry, flowers, romantic getaways, and countless other attempts to simply get sex. The woman although she has a desire for sexual intercourse is far more interested in compliments, jewelry, flowers, romantic getaways or more precisely what she thinks they those strategies mean coming from her husband. But deep down the man could care less about what the woman wants his desire is just for sex, or so he has been told.

The heartbreaking reality of this cold and shallow marriage format is that no one is getting what they so desperately need. A woman rightfully longs for genuine representations that she is a desirable helper which a man selfishly gives in the hope of receiving what he has been taught that he desires. A woman selfishly gives sex to a man in the hope of receiving the representations of desirability she thinks she wants. In the end it breaks my heart to see that although each person has found a way to get what they think they want no one is getting what they truly need. As time passes even the selfishly offered representations of desirability and sex become empty and despised. Thus leaving both individuals confused and broken with only painful regret while a faint whisper of what they might have been slips away into darkness.

Is this our only option? Is this all we have to look forward to? Is this what our glorious and all knowing Lord of heaven and earth intended for his children? I’m sure at this point some of you think you will be different, that you will not fall to such a foul place of regret and shame. Let me make it clear for you right now. Your entire life like my own is already in a far more sickly, rotten, and desperate state than I will ever be able to write with words for you to read. If you would dare to think such a foolish and prideful thought then you have no idea how vile and completely useless you, I, and all mankind already are. “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.” (Romans 3:10-11) Beware of your wicked and deceptive heart causing you to think that you might be different, that you will succeed where no one else has. No my friends, you are just like me, worthless.

A man cannot deny the unquenchable power of his desire for a woman. It is part of who he is and cannot be ignored. Yet in a society that teaches from infancy to manhood that this ferocious desire for a woman is completely sexual then a man will follow this understanding and continue acting upon his desire for a woman in a completely sexually manor. Do you taste a growing urgency in your heart crying out for a new teaching? As long the completely sexual teaching of a man’s desire is allowed to exist unchallenged a man will consciously or unconsciously continue to act upon his desire for a woman in a completely sexual manor. For even now in this moment every man including myself is living out his own understanding of his inwardly burning desire for a woman. Do you seek something more my friends? Each moment is precious allowing the opportunity for a man’s desire to create great good or wickedness with the woman he loves.

Few things burden the human heart like hopelessness. In my own disastrous exploration of my desire for a woman so much failure snuffed out the little hope I had. If I was to discover anything of value I needed to be willing to cling desperately to what little hope I still had and ignore my endless list of failures. I also had to be willing to question the teaching I have received about my desire for a woman. I don’t know about you my brothers but I do not want to fail in fulfilling the most powerful desire I have as a man for my wife. We get only one shot at this life and I want to make it count. Mistakes are a part of learning but failure is unacceptable. If that means bracing myself like a man and exploring the extreme discomfort and shamefulness of my present state then so be it. This is my choice and path you my friends must choose as well.

Rejecting Our Teachers

It is here in our journey that we must begin to examine and question our teachers of a man’s desire for a woman. Look at the marriages around you my friends. What do you see? Is that what you desire to become? I know it’s almost unnecessary to remind you of western cultures rate of divorce, abuse, and relational perversion of every sort. Lust is replacing intimacy while intercourse exists without connection. Is that what you want? Then why are you listening to the teachings of a culture filled with complete relational failures? Men why do we look to pornography to explore and teach us about our desire for a woman? Women why do you watch soap operas and read obviously shallow magazines about how to please a man? Keep in mind, one of the most accurate representations of insanity is doing the same thing but expecting different results.

Do you want something more for your life than the complete relational failure you see around you? A teaching is proven through what it produces not what it promises. Oh how the culture and people around us scream and shout for our attention as it promises quick fixes and miracle cures. Yet I urge you my friends, do not automatically buy into what you’re being promised.

Do you truly want what is best in life my friends? Then you must start with rejecting what is good or just downright worthless. More specifically you exist in the state of failure you are in right now because of the teachings you have accepted in the past. Are you truly willing to give up the teachings of the relational failures around you and take on a journey of exploration for a richer and fuller understanding of a man’s desire for a woman? Then first you must reject all the shallow and wicked teachings from the relational failures around you.

“Leave them, they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.” (Matthew 15:14) Are you simply following what you’ve been taught by a culture of relational failures? Is it possible that might explain the current state of your own relational failure? So what are you going to do about it? Relational fools have been teaching us a man’s desire is completely sexual in nature and we have just smiled and nodded believing what we where told. My friends reject his filth and stop letting the relational blind guides of our culture walk you into a pit of shame and failure. Men stand up and lead with your woman besides you away from this ignorant and filthy teaching.

So, what do you think the odds are they we are missing something about the true nature of a man’s desire for a woman? I don’t presume I can change your minds upon a teaching you have been receiving your entire life. However I do hope that by this point you are curious and maybe some of you have begun to doubt this foolish teaching we have received about a man’s desire for a woman. Please continue with me my friends for I am numbered among you as a confused and frustrated child that has been led astray by this horrible world. One thing is now abundantly clear, if we are to move forward in our exploration we must be clear upon the…

Conditions for our Journey

Before we begin seeking a new teacher I would like to close this first chapter of our journey together by thanking you from my heart for your willingness and precious time given. By this time if I have not managed to at least peak your curiosity about such a powerful issue in the heart of a man then it would be best for you to spend your time elsewhere. However if you seek as I seek and if you feel as I feel then come and join with me as we continue this journey into God’s purpose for a man’s desire for a woman.

Before you turn the page to explore our new teacher there are a few conditions for our journey that must be addressed. Western culture has promoted a quick fix mentality that I vehemently abhor. If you continue reading this book searching for a pill to pop that will cure your foolish misuse of a man’s desire towards a woman don’t bother reading on. I will not offer you such a cure nor can I. I am simply a fellow suffering journeyer who seeks a mysterious path of exploration with a kind and loving Teacher. I cannot and will not offer you a pill to solve your problems. However I delight to offer you a path, for I am nothing more than a guide to reveal a hidden and mysterious way to an amazing Teacher who is far greater than I.

Finally I wish for you to understand this path of exploring a man’s desire towards a woman will be a life long journey not a week, month or even a year. It will stretch before you like an unending road. To those that understand the thrill and excitement of a genuine journey then a lifetime of treasure filled exploration inspires and entices the genuine human spirit. Without a doubt the mystery of a man’s desire for a woman stretch much farther than any of us can dream. Along such a difficult and challenging journey you will find pain and torment in a quantity you never knew existed. Yet if the possibility exists that a rich and boundless mystery awaits you even amidst that pain is it worth such a risk to you my friends? Please count the cost of such a journey and then when you are ready, pay the price. (Luke 14:28-33) If you are ready and willing come with me stand beside me as we reach for an impossible hope of the hidden mystery of what may well be the true nature of a man’s desire for a woman. If uncovering truth is our goal then dealing with the reality we have created must be our first step as we gaze upon our…