My Sister's Love

A SISTER’S LOVE



            The flag snapped in the wind on the day we buried my sister. I will never forget that day or that flag snapping in the wind. The April wind was chilly as I stared upon my sister’s coffin. The coffin had been described as beautiful but I saw it as ugly and cold as the April wind that snapped the flag.

         My earliest memory of my sister is of the dinner table and my mother feeding her some ravioli. At eleven months Jessy was so full of energy and smiles. With every smile she bounced in her high chair raising her arms in the air as if she was trying to jump out. She made me feel so proud and good inside. I loved my baby sister!

         Now eight years later she had a tumor that was darkening all those wonderful memories. “No! It can’t be! What is happening here?” I asked my mother. Mother chose to
tell me at a time when hope was slipping away and doctors had done everything they could. “Why? Will she loose her leg? Can’t they just remove the tumor?” I ask with a hopeless stare into mother’s eyes. A sick ringing in my mind and numb feeling began to come over me as my parents explained that the cancer had spread so quickly and that there was very little hope. As they spoke the sich feeing just got worse. It went to my stomach and I felt like I would throw up. All I could do was go to the couch,
close my eyes, and start crying. I sat in the chair trying very hard not to think of anything, but all the memories of our life together came storming in.

         I knew no other life but the one I shared with my parents and my sister and the thought of living it without her was confusing. How could this be happening? Everything in life was now different. A whisper was like a shout, a candle flicker was like a flame, everything seemed like a dream. I had feelings of dizziness, nausea, and just blank thoughts. I did not understand! I thought to myself, What is happening? Am I dreaming? 

         “How do I accept it?” I asked my dad. “How can we let this happen.” At that moment my dad took control and he became my shining hero. “You accept it the way your sister has accepted it.” He said. He told me not to try and figure
it out. “It’s happening.” He said. “Time will try to heal
the hurt but then a memory or a feeling will brush against your heart and start the hurting again. You accept life as it is and we help each other through the hard times till we adjust” Dad explained.

         I realized that at 14 I was being left alone by my sister that I loved so deeply and I felt it was unfair. After talking with dad I found I was not alone in feeling that way.

         The visits to the hospital became daily and in a strange way joyful. I was saying good-bye and every day was a new smile and a new love for my sister. My chest seemed to hurt every time I would say good-night and it would take forever to fall asleep. 

         On the last day I remember Jessy looking into my eyes and saying, “Live life for me Margaret, please.” I knew my sister and I knew I could do this for her. My eyes would now be her eyes also. I would live my life and hers.

         The funeral was sad but beautiful. I was sure that I was seeing things as if Jessy was in my mind. Jessy would have loved all her friends coming by and all the flowers. I thought of my fathers words and my mother’s hugs. We cried together and we were going to heal together. I accepted my sister’s death but also remembered the promise I had made
to her. At that moment I heard the flag snap again in the wind. For a split second the chill was unbearable. It was the good-bye that would last for an eternity.

         I started living life different. I smiled and laughed and talked knowing my sister’s memory was with me. I liked living life for myself and my sister. I showed my joy and
also my sisters. I met Jimmy and knew that Jessy would have liked him for my boyfriend. We lived life for Jessy, and for us.