Little Liar

Little Liar

         I got into dad’s cop car. 
“Your daughter has a lively imagination,” said a woman with short frizzy brown hair, glasses and a mole on her neck.  Dad pulled out of the parking lot, a small smile forming on his lips. He stopped at a red light on Fort King Street.  He gave me that look.  That almost proud look that said whenever you’re ready to tell me what you did wrong I’ll be here to listen.  I looked back at him with my you’ll have to pry it right out of my head look.
“Jill.”  Pause.  “What did you say to her?”
I thought please turn green.  Red, red, red, green!  I looked down at my dirty sneakers.  Dad drove down Fort King as if on the prowl for the lawbreakers of Ocala or as he liked to call them, little bastards.
"It was church, dad, we talked about Jesus."
“Jill?”  He said my name in a way that threatened he wouldn’t let me leave the car until I told him the story.  And I only had an hour to play before the lights in the street came on.
I sighed.  “She asked me my name and age.”
“And you said…?”  It might seem weird to question me on this point but I was well known for lying about, well, everything.  Dad didn’t mind my lies most of the time; they amused him. 
“I told her my name was Dorothy, like from The Wizard of Oz.  And that I had just turned thirteen.”
“You’re only ten.” 
“Yes, I know, but I wish I was thirteen.”  I told him this in a way that hinted that my own dad should know this by now.
“Why?”
“Because then I can drive.”  Again, Duhh.
“Huh?  You have to be sixteen to drive, dumbass.”
“But by the time I’m thirteen I can just say I’m sixteen.”
“Jill!”  Dad was getting irritated.  You can tell because his face turns really red when he shows any type of emotion.  I think he gave up trying to argue with me when I learned to speak.
“Go on.”  He said clearly exasperated with a wave of the hand.
I thought back to when I met the woman who practically jumped for joy when dad pulled up.  It was earlier this morning.

“Hi!”  The woman said in a tone that made me instantly despise her.
I quickly shoved the lizard I had caught outside into my pocket.  I was standing in a corner trying to coax the lizard to open its mouth so I could attach it to my friend’s ear.

“Wait a minute!  There’s a lizard in your pocket!” Dad rudely interrupted.
“No.”  My answer was not quite convincing enough.
“Jill, get it out of the car!  Throw it out the window!”
I took the dead lizard from its death place and tossed it on the windshield of someone’s car.  “Can I get back to the story now?”
“Go ahead,” he said with a sigh.

Ugly Mole Lady asked for my hand and led me to a table with red chairs. 
“You want to sit?”
I did, knowing I was in trouble again.
“Do you know lying is a sin?”
“Yes.”  In reality, I had no idea what a sin was.
“Do you know what a sin is?”
“Yes.”  I said this with the confidence that maybe I’d guess the answer right.
“What is it?”  Her big, fish eyes looked into mine.  They almost popped right out of her head.
Here goes nothing.  “A sin…”  She nodded, “is a lie.”  I sat back like I was the shit.
“Yes but what else?”  I stared blankly.  Her eyes kept popping out at me like I’d do a trick any moment.
There was a long pause and she could see I was confused.
“Honey, have you been saved?”  I had to think about this question. 
“Are you saved?”  She persisted but more slowly like I was mentally retarded or deaf and I had to read lips.  She waited.
“Give me a sec.”  I don’t understand what she means.  This frog like woman had asked two totally different questions.  This has to do with the lesson we learned today.
“Yes,” I replied, “Of course I have, who hasn’t?”
“When were you saved?”
“I was three and my aunt was blowing up my floaties for the pool.  I told her if she didn’t hurry up I would just jump in.  She said hold on.  So, I jumped in.
“No, no, no…” Frizzy haired lady tried to say.
“Wait!  I’m not done yet.  The story I told her was completely true up until the point where Jesus entered the picture. 
“So, basically I was drowning.  All of a sudden, I looked up and there was Jesus.  He was walking on the water and reached for my hand.  He then pulled me to the ledge of the pool and disappeared.”
Four eyes was speechless.  She looked at me as though she may burst with laughter.
I thought it was a completely legitimate lie.  Pastor Charles made it seem like Jesus walked on water all the time.

I looked at dad.  He had tears in his eyes from trying not to laugh at me. 
“So, then she told me what it really meant to be saved.
And I said ‘Oh I knew that’.  Then she asked if I wanted to be saved and I told her ‘No thanks, I have already been saved.’”  She didn’t give up on the first attempt.  In fact, I had to miss free time to sit with Moley and convince her that I was saved!”
Dad pulled in the driveway and sat a minute. 
He looked at me with a grin and said “That’s my little liar.”