Loose Ends

Her hair spread was on the red carpet. Fanned out around her like a renaissance halo. A pool of soft chestnut brown around her head. She never noticed the small golden lines threaded into the red rug. Small little crop circles that her fingertips loved to touch. Her long finger nails tracing their beginning and end. She sighed heavily, her small chest making her rise and fall slowly. The red carpet felt soft against her cheek. She turned her thin body over to stare at the ceiling. Her white sundress slipping down over her knees almost giving away a mark on her thigh. Her long eyelashes kissing the peeking sunlight watching her. Curtains threatening to fall, letting the curious daylight come in. Clumsy. Small accidents that happen in life.
Covering her eyes she could still see Evan’s face. The dark blue eyes that seduced her away from the love of her life. Or the man she thought was the love of her life. Christopher is a good man. She loved him. She would bet her life on it, if her life meant enough. She loved the lines in the corner of his brown eyes. The warm smile that always greeted her as soon as she stepped into the room. Christopher was always there. Of course, at first it drove her insane. She felt he became her shadow. She wanted to escape him. She just wanted something different. Evan was different. Evan wasn’t Christopher.
“I’m sorry.” she whispered to the empty air that surrounded her.
She could still feel the ghost of Evan‘s burning touch. Though it had been only 2 months since their last meeting she could still feel his hand caressing her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her goodbye. She couldn’t remember who was the one who said it was over. It had to be her. The words must of fallen from her lips before it entered her mind. Evan left his mark without her permission. She cried out when she felt his teeth against her thigh. She remembered that much. His teeth left a mark there forever. Christopher wasn’t much for details. He never noticed. It seemed he didn’t notice the 6 months she was only half awake through their relationship. Christopher was a good man. That’s why she was sure she wanted him to be “the one“. Two years with a person makes you believe anything. He was just perfect. The person who promises forever and keeps their word. That was Christopher. Say anything, do anything, he will love you for it. He will smile and forgive you for anything. No matter what sin or mistake, he would understand. She swallowed her tears. Her neck muscles tightening, her hands becoming small fists against her closed eyes.
She forced her body to sit up. Her tired eyes looked around the room. This was their home. Their memories decorating the cream walls. White furniture and a coffee table that cost too much. The marble chimney that refused to work in the winter and long lamps standing on each corner like guards. She stood up and kicked away her black stilettos. She kicked harder at the one with the broken heel. Her hair hovered over her slender shoulders, the white strap of her dress caressing her arm as it fell. Her head throbbed and her legs felt heavy. Too long without sleep. She looked out her window. Just the world and her empty driveway. Turning away she looked into her cell phone. Delete. Delete. Delete. She was trying to get used to the fact that she didn’t have to do that anymore. Nothing more to hide. She made sure Evan and Christopher never crossed paths. Evan didn’t exist anywhere besides her cell phone and the stolen moments she was willing to offer him. She would double check everything so Christopher would never find out.
Her hands began to tremble. Her lips began to quiver. Did Christopher do the same? Dirty blonde hair, thin pink lips that looked so similar to her. Did Christopher do the same for that woman? An anger began to burn inside her chest. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could still see them in her mind. She still recalled that cold morning Evan drove her to a Starbucks and there they were. Perfect Christopher and the beautiful blonde. Smiling and laughing. Her manicured hands reaching over the table to caress his hair. Her eyes hidden by tinted glasses. She looked like a movie star. A blush rising suddenly from Christopher’s face. Evan changed his mind before they even got out of the car. She just let her forehead fall against the window pane and her heart sink deep into her stomach. Evans voice becoming something muffled in the back of her mind.
3 months. It had been going on for 3 months. She started to notice Christopher’s late meetings, business trips and crazy office hours. Being something of an advertiser he said he had too much to do. What right did she have to confront him when she could still remember the smell of her lovers skin? She was an idiot for thinking he would leave the blonde for her. Christopher was a good man. That’s why she waited. She waited because she loved him. She realized that. She loved him much more than she could ever imagine. The blonde, what was she? She couldn’t mean more than her. Could she? Did Evan mean more? No, Evan was just young and a good a lover. Just for fun. A friend willing to do her favor. He didn’t even care to notice the lines in her smile. Evan didn’t care. Christopher cared. She loved him so much. She was trying so hard to make it up to him. Never again. And now? She saw a missed call once on Christopher’s cell phone. He took it away before she could see. She knew the name of all his friends and family. Evelyn fit perfectly to the face. The blonde Evelyn.
She let her head fall on the palm of her hands. Her head felt so heavy. She wanted to go to sleep. Dream and never wake up. Never wake up to the things unsaid. Tears started to escape from her eyes. She dropped down on her knees. It hurt to think Christopher could ever do this. She was sure this was it. If it lasted this long already. It wouldn’t end. She was an idiot. And if Christopher knew about Evan? Oh god, if he knew? Was this his revenge? She began to weep as she wrapped her arms around herself. The trembling that began deep inside her soul. The hurt born from her heart. She has to be honest. They both can agree on the same mistake. Its all just a mistake.
The door opened. The sun was getting tired of looking at her. Its yellow light melting into the blue sky. Christopher walked in. His shadow passing over her. His scent making her heart tremble. A tall figure with broad shoulders and black wavy hair. A look of sadness overcame his face as her eyes met his. He never realized those fake smiles. The times she pretended not to notice. Was he pretending too? He rushed over to her.
No, you don’t care a bit. She thought to herself as she bowed her head.
“What happened?” He picked her up gently. His thumbs wiping away the tears that fell from her eyes. “What‘s wrong? Talk to me.”
“I fell.” she said, her voice broken. “I just fell.”
He looked into her eyes to try and find her lie. She wondered, who ever told him that lies come from the eyes? She reached out and caressed his hair, her fingers slipping into every strand. He stared at her closely. She stepped forward and fell onto his chest, it only took him a second to have his arms wrapped around her.
“I have to tell you something.” she whispered. She closed her eyes and listened to his breathing. “Don’t be mad.”
“I have something to tell you too.” his voice echoed inside his chest. She looked up at him. He was the one. She was sure.
“I love you.” she whispered. His eyes stayed locked on her face.
“Yea, I do too.” he tried to smile but only got away faking something similar. “Look, I have to tell you that-”
“Let’s have a baby.” she let her fingers fall on his lips.
“What?” he let her go. “No, listen-”
“Marry me.”
“Stop it!” Christopher grabbed her by the shoulders. “Stop.” he said with a tired voice. “I need to tell you something.”
“Don’t. I forgive you.” her trembling hands reached up to touch his face.
He looked away from her and walked across the room. The white sofas seemed to stand out more than ever. The dying sun was ready to give up, yet it still lingered as if curious for the end of her day. Christopher shook his head. He was early from work. She couldn’t help but think he just came from seeing Evelyn. He looked so much happier and so much younger when he was with Evelyn. But she couldn’t let her have him. Christopher belonged to her first. He looked down and rubbed his chin. He let out a deep sigh. She waited patiently for the world to stop. He looked up to meet her green eyes. Her breath escaped with the threat of never returning.
“I only meant well.” He walked back towards her and grabbed her hands. “I wanted to make you happy. But I don’t think I can do this anymore.” he looked away from her burning stare.
“What?” she gripped at his hands and licked at her thin lips. “What do you mean?”
“This is all for the best.” he said looking around.
“Why?” she whispered as tears fell naturally without force or effort down her burning cheeks. “How can it be for the best?” She let go of his hands and sat down, she started to run her fingers through her hair. “Why?”
“We both know where this was going.” she didn’t look at him. She stared at the table with its scratches and stains. It was still the first thing they ever owned together. “This is just what we need.” he walked around and crouched to touch her chin. “Ok?” Trembling tears fell from her eyes. Her cupped her chin. Why wasn’t this killing him? Evan wasn’t Christopher. She wasn’t Evelyn. Could it be he felt more for Evelyn because of that?
“You decided this.” she said, her voice small and fragile. “But what am I suppose to do?” She reached out and gripped at his shirt, shaking him. “What am I suppose to do without you?!”
“I’m sorry.” he kissed her forehead and let his lips linger on her skin. His warm hands covering hers, guiding them down to her lap. No, she didn’t want it to be like this. To end this way. “I‘m leaving.”
She needed an answer. What was it? What made him change his heart? Did he know? When did her world decide to break into a thousand pieces? She wanted to scream. To panic and kill him for leaving her. She could be better. She could become someone she isn’t. Her eyes began to scan the red carpet below her feet. Maybe the answer was written in between the gold crop circles. He stood up to leave when she quickly grabbed at the nearest thing and threw it at him.
“What did she say?!” she cried out.
The object was a frame. It hit his right shoulder making him cry out in pain. He turned to look at her. Her small body shaking and sobbing, threatening to break.
“What?” he stepped forward. “What are you talking about?”
“I know about her! I know about that blonde bitch you’ve been with for 3 months!”
“Blonde bitch?” He grabbed at his hurt shoulder.
“Don’t act like an idiot! I hated this game of hide and seek with you! How dare you!”
“Your joking, right?” he shook his head and started to walk out when she jumped to her feet and rushed to grab his arm, letting her fingernails grip into it.
“Tell me why!” she yelled from the top of her lungs.
“Because I can!” he yelled back. “Because if I don’t-”
“I’ll hate you?” hot tears smeared her cheeks. “Just tell me its because of her!” She yanked at his arm as if trying to get the answers from his sleeve. “Was it her plan?”
“It didn’t work out. That’s just it! There is no other girl!” she let her fingernails find their way into his skin. “Let go!”
“I don’t believe you. You just don’t care!”
She broke down and fell to her knees sobbing like a small stubborn child. Her arms found their way around his legs. She couldn’t let the only good thing in her life leave. She pressed her face against his jeans. Her tears leaving dark spots behind. He let his hand fall on her head. He took her arms and pulled them away from his leg. Christopher held her tight in his arms.
“Your going to hate me.” he whispered against her ear. “If I don’t leave your going to hate me.”
“I can never hate you. Please, just tell me why.” He kissed her forehead and kissed her cheek. She pulled him closer. She could see the tears forming in his eyes.
“I’m in love.” he said in a quivering voice. “But it wasn’t with the blonde.” The door opened again. Another shadow fell over her. A woman with blonde dirty hair walked in. Those thin lips that she found so familiar smiled sadly at her. Christopher looked up at her. “I‘m in love with her brother.”
At last the time came for the world to stop. She wasn’t sure what happened next. Words and gestures. An explanation and the begging of forgiveness. They both had hugged her tight. Pity. It felt like pity. She could really only remember the sound of the door closing. Christopher’s hot breath against her ear as he said goodbye. Her heart sank into a depth inside her body that she didn’t even know existed. She let herself fall against her side. Her hair spread over the red cerpet with gold crop circles that her fingers loved to touch. Her eyelashes curled to kiss the fading sunlight coming in to finally say goodbye. Dark blue eyes and familiar lips. She remembered now. Her name wasn’t Evelyn. She didn’t always have dirty blonde hair. She used to have black hair. Short bobbed hair that matched with her dark blue eyes. She remembered now. The birthday party Christopher missed because of a meeting. A friend of a friend‘s birthday. Life seemed so different back then. She was just beginning to get bored. Fake smiles and introductions. She remembered now. The blonde, her name wasn’t Evelyn. It was Laura. That day was her young brother’s birthday. Evan.