Excerpt from my novel

After a two hour drive, Johnny parked the car, a tiny red thing, no idea who made it, but it had room enough for the both of us, and although I was scared silly driving around like a bumper car in the maze of thousands of cars circling around us, I was hesitant to get out of it when we got there.  I didn't want to see what I had to see, a dying woman, a Catholic nun, a woman I had no idea existed, except now in her dying days, a figure that I would never forget.
A man in a dark suit, white shirt, and black tie, greeted us, and led us into the infirmary.  We followed him through halls that seemed to have no end, each square foot of flooring smooth and shiny like mirrors.  I could almost see my face, and tried to make out details in how I looked in a button down shirt and blazer, but the moment soon came, and I was led into an ante chamber where she lay in bed, all covered up in white sheets, her face, neck and arms exposed, the eyes following every movement as we approached her side.
"Ann," said Johnny in a whisper, "This is Arthur, in the flesh.  You wanted to see him."
Although Johnny spoke in a whisper, and since I was already becoming hard of hearing, I could hear each syllable coming out of his mouth as if I spoke them myself.  I felt as if I was standing on an island, a small one at that, all by myself, and I was watching the entire thing on a huge high definition screen, and I when her eyes moved in my direction,  I froze.  She looked like the Virgin Mary, serene, innocent, all knowing, but more than that, she was as beautiful as any woman I had ever seen, and I swear to any bible that she looked like an angel, a real angel.  Even her voice was like an angel, and I couldn't speak lest I was smitten by the hand of God if I said anything that might hurt that girl, that exquisite face, so innocent, so sweet, so fresh, and yet days from dying, and I knew it, and she knew it, and I wanted to cry, the biggest cry of my life.  I held my breath.
"Are you Arthur, my brother's best friend?" she said.
"Yes."  That's all I said, 'yes,' like an idiot scampering for cover, groping for words, silly me, and I knew it, but  I was caught in her mesmerizing eyes, dark brown, liquid, gentle, loving, endearing, sweet, pure.  I got down on my knees beside the bed and took her hand.  I felt her hand as if I had never felt a hand before, and it didn't feel like an ordinary hand, in fact, I can't truly describe exactly how it felt because I was so caught up in her eyes and face that I lost all sensibility.  I felt as if I held the hand of the mother of God, and that's all I can say about it, the hand of a Saint, an Angel.
"I'm glad to finally meet you.  Howard loved you dearly.  You must have loved him too."
"Yes, I did, very much."
"Tell me, why did you wait so long to see me?"
In all my training, in all my schooling, in all my wondrous ways to come up with excuses for everything I didn't do or should have done, I couldn't find the words to tell her that I was sorry, so sorry that I didn't come any sooner, but the words wouldn't come out.  I was on my knees, holding her hand, looking at her lovely face, her beautiful brown eyes, and I was like an Alter boy stupefied in the act of witnessing a miracle, and I was smitten by an overpowering desire to kiss her on the lips, and tell her how much I loved her.  I don't know what possessed me to feel that way or act that way, but that's how it was.  It's unexplainable how I felt about Ann, a woman I had never met, and yet when I saw her, I had the greatest love for her, as if I had known her all my life.
"I don't know."
"I'm glad you came.  It's been a long time."
She closed her eyes, her hand dropped away from mine, and I bent over and kissed her on the lips.
I didn't know it then, but my cheeks were wet with tears, heavy tears that welled up from nowhere, and I felt so terribly rotten and yet so happy, and so confused, and so ashamed, I wanted to say I'm sorry a million times, but it was too late.  She went into a coma, and two days later she died.  I died with her.
Several weeks later, after the funeral, after Johnny made arrangements to have her buried in a small plot next to Howard, I made arrangements with my attorney to review all aspects of what I had inherited.  I was rich, and I had everything that anyone could want, but I was so stricken with guilt, that even if I had it to do all over again with greater foresight and perhaps with more love and compassion, I couldn't get over my guilt that I was responsible for her death.  It would perhaps take years before I would feel better about myself, but for the moment, while reviewing all I owned and had title to, I was handed over a huge burden, and I didn't want it.  I wanted to give it back, all of it, immediately, to undo the guilt I felt over Ann.  And that's how I got started with the greatest adventure of all, a new beginning, for me, and a new beginning for all that I loved and cared about.