McSkillet Breakfast Burrito: a Review

If you have been watching any television in the past couple weeks, you'll know that McDonald's has seen fit to bless the blubbery masses with a new food item with which to whet their always over-acting appetites. Being a somewhat regular frequenter of fast-food establishments, and a longtime enjoyer of McDonald's original Breakfast Burritos, I felt a special need to try their newest thing: the McSkillet Burrito.

Being the fan that I am of Breakfast Burritos, but still interested in postponing my death, I was admittedly excited at the thought of a Breakfast Burrito that potentially contained some actual food product. It was around the time I took my first bite that I realized that my excitement was for naught.

First of all, I want to let you in on a little secret: the name 'McSkillet' doesn't mean any of this thing is actually cooked on a skillet. Their idea of skillet fried meat is a breakfast sausage cut in half and laid end to end on a tortilla. Nice try, but unfortunately it's going to take a little more than that for dog to stop tasting like dog.

Let's move on to the other ingredients. Shockingly, the eggs appear to be real, as do the veggies, but this is not without caveat. Because these ingredients are real, they lack that good old "we concocted this in a test tube" chemical flavor. Not a problem, except that flavor would normally cover the meat, which still tastes like dog. Not good, unless the McDonald's you're at is in China.

Irritatingly, McDonald's seems to believe that not only is this item better than Breakfast Burritos (it isn't), but that it also merits a shitty viral marketing campaign (it doesn't) and is in some way a new leap for the franchise or something (it's not). The original Breakfast Burrito wasn't great because it was healthy or because it used real food as ingredients. It was good because it tasted good. And it didn't have a viral marketing campaign. It knew damn well it was bad for you, and so did you, but you bought it and ate it and loved it because it tasted great with a little picante sauce.

What we have here today is a burrito that is subpar in every aspect. It tastes like shit and looks like it too. Oh, and did I mention it's twice the price of a Breakfast Burrito? Ludicrous. Avoid at all costs.