Peter & Austin (Chapter 4)

Austin

The overly powerful vibration of my cell phone woke me as I laid asleep on the comforter of my still-made bed. I squinted groggily at it wondering what time it was. It floated with each vibration atop my night stand too gracefully for the horrible buzzing sound coming from it. I then remembered the message I'd sent Peter, and with a rush of clarity and eagerness I grabbed it. The screen displayed 'Peter calling...'.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, sitting up, and hoped the weariness of my nap wasn't showing in my voice.
"Hey Austin!," Peter's voice was calm, but enthused, "It's Peter. I got your text, sorry we couldn't meet up at work. We had so many samples all day...were you sleeping?"
Damnit! I thought. Somehow I was always a dead giveaway.
"Oh--" I hesitated, "Yeah but no I was basically awake."
"Oh, well then..I'm glad."

His reply was sincere and I felt my heart quicken with the sudden anticipation of hearing his words in person, of his eyes physically looking into mine, of wanting him to be here and not there on the phone.
"No really, no worries...I'm glad you called...hey--" I started, planning to ask him to come over or to go out, or to anything, really. I hadn't even decided.
"Austin, when can I see you?" He interrupted, and the breath caught in my throat as my heart tumbled forward, "I mean...are you free tonight? We should hang out."
His words were followed by a pause, and then an incredibly adorable, small laughter of embarrassment at being so forward.
"I want to see you too...and yeah, I'm free right now, actually...so...I can drive over, or you can come here...whatever you want to do. I guess I live closer to downtown if you want to do something in the city later or--"
"Yeah, that sounds great." He replied quickly, adding, "What's your address?"

I gave him my apartment number, and bit my lip in excitement as we hung up. I hadn't felt this overwhelming need to be with a someone in a while, I realized. Thinking about it, the only relationship I'd had in the past year was with Teddy, a German, cameraman's assistant I'd met while on a shoot in LA. He was 26, flamboyant, flirtatious, and fast. I learned the three F's and I were not compatible in the least, and that a complicated relationship can never equal a genuine one.

I'd just gotten out of the shower and put on some jeans and my softest, old button up shirt when I opened the door to Peter. He looked up grinning with his hands in his pockets.
"Hey." He smiled, standing there in the hallway in his street clothes; a tshirt and dark jeans with his coat over top. He carried a messenger bag, and a light blush warmed his cheeks. Parking must have been horrible, I thought, suddenly concerned. It was Friday night, after all.
"Peter! Hey you." I said, and opened the door wider, motioning him inside.
"Man, Austin, this place is legit." He said, looking around approvingly.
"Yeah, it's pretty comfortable...and conveniently located for sure. My roommate's gone on a shoot for a few days." I replied nonchalantly, "They didn't give you trouble at the door did they?"

I didn't mention that I'd also chosen this place, not only as convenient, but for its security as well. The slightly bohemian luxury of it was purely coincidental.
"No, not at all," he said, grinning with amusement, "but I did have to sign in and tell them who I was visiting....I thought for sure I'd see an Olsen twin in the elevator or something."
"Ha ha." I grinned, rolling my eyes with sarcasm...god his grinning was making me warm... "So what's up? How was your marathon day at work?"
I asked, putting his coat on the rack and following him into the kitchen.

"Ugh...long...tiring...broke a few things...hey what's your roommate's name again?" he trailed off with a tired smile, leaning his hips against the counter, "...I'm so glad tomorrow is Saturday....man, this place has a view!" He stood at the kitchen window, looking out over the city. The sun was beginning to set over the skyline, and the light filling the room spread a honeyed glow over our skin.
"Oh, yeah...Julie." I stated, "She's in Canada right now, I think...something for Urban Outfitters...her boyfriend, Danny, is the guitarist for...uh," I paused, trying to think of the name,"oh yeah, Wardrobe...that indie band." I shrugged. Julie and I had met through the modeling agency. She was a nice enough girl, clean...and although she sometimes brought a lot of people over, she was hardly ever in town for very long.

"Oh yeah...I brought you some wine," He lifted open his bag and produced a shining bottle of white wine, "It's Pinot...I wasn't really sure what kind you liked...so I went with the most awesome looking label...oh, and it's Chilean...the guy said it'd be sweet and exotic." He looked at me with an innocent shrug, using his hands as he spoke....the hint of a grin at the pulled at the corners of his mouth.
"Aw, Peter! You're so great...and especially because you had to drag it around for probably five blocks or something with parking the way it is..." I stood in front of him admiring the label he'd picked, "Thank you...and Pinot's the best...ever heard that all the other bottles have Pinot envy? We should open it. Will you have a glass with me? And don't worry, I have a big bed with maybe the biggest down comforter you've ever seen if a nap is in order after the alcohol..."
He laughed with my chattiness as he set the wine down on the counter and put two fingers in each of my front pockets playfully pulling me closer.

"Sounds great to me, and...it was six blocks..." He grinned wryly, "I was almost run over by three cars...attacked by four dogs..."
"What ever!"I shot back, and reached for the drawer as his middle and index pulled me close. I felt around for the corkscrew, and somehow managed to pull the cork from the wine with an expertly executed 'pop'.

Amidst my momentary concentration with the cork, our hips were touching, and his hand surveyed my damp hair as he brought his lips to my neck. He knew I'd shiver at that, and I did with a most involuntary little whimper. I was feeling uninhibited already.

Peter

Austin did indeed have a huge, soft, and fluffy comforter that we now laid under after playing around over the top of it. Our wine glasses stood buoyantly on the bed side table with a few sips left, and our shirts had long since been tossed to the floor. Sia sang, in her floaty, languid harmonies, from his iPod, and the muted green of the room felt perfectly complimentary to his dark, solid looking furniture. Austin's body language was different...softer now. His expressions were genuine, uninhibited...more relaxed than at the office...and he looked smaller, and more delicate laying there, looking at me sideways.

Our harsh critique of the "Head On" series of commercials had lost it's novelty and we were situated among pillows as we laid close. His leg was over mine with all of it's warmth, and my fingertips grazed his stomach as I spoke.

"So," I broke the silence, "How was your day?" I propped my head up with my palm.
"Mmm..." he began, "Well I woke up to find this handsome guy in bed with me, and then realized we were in his bed...and he was quite a gentleman....and I stopped for coffee on the way to work...I've been trying to break the habit by going decaf...didn't do it for me today...felt pretty tired, and work went slower than I'd have liked. I came home and fell asleep against my better intentions of swimming laps...and then you were here, and we just somehow ended up like this..." He grinned at me, looking quite satisfied with the way 'this' was.
"Hey," Austin asked after a while, "So tell me...why would an attractive, intelligent, and charming guy like you not be dating any one of the gift shop girls, or what's her name--Emily the Nurse by now? You must know they all look at your ass every time you walk by."

Aw, I laughed thinking of Emily the Nurse...I'd dubbed her Emily the Nurse when I first met her at the hospital. We were both starting around the same time, and at about the same age. She was an attractive blonde, and guys would talk about her in such objectifying terms like, "Emily...she's so hot, man...you know...Emily? the nurse!" She had a good sense of humor about it and we played off of each other all the time in passing, at lunch, over the intercoms. Eventually, the derogatory remarks were silenced as they were without a punchline; we'd all started calling her that. It'd become something of a term of endearment.

"Oh...I know...God I'd get so much sex!" I joked, grinning as he hit my arm playfully, "But seriously, Austin...none of them are who I'm interested in right now...not Emily the Nurse...not a woman at all. You're not sleeping with that--Julie the Model, though, are you?" I asked him with amused concern, and he rolled his eyes in response. I continued, more seriously, "But really...I realized about halfway through my relationship with my ex-girlfriend that although I loved her, I wasn't in love with her, and I'd never been. I wasn't attracted to her in a romantic way and that confused me a lot...and it hurt for both of us.
I guess it was pretty stupid of me to have stayed in it for so long...but I wasn't sure what to do...I was still trying to figure myself out, you know?" I paused, looking down as my brows knitted together with a sense of openness and relief I'd never felt.
"Yeah," he nodded, "totally...and Peter, that's completely okay....wonderful even."

The warmth of his voice was endearing, and honest. Under the covers, he put his hand around my waist. The acceptance and support he showed brought my emotions forward, and I swallowed hard to control my voice.

"Thanks....so...yeah, I just told her one day...that I'd be there for her whenever she needed me, and that I loved her, but that I couldn't do it anymore. And she was upset, you know? Later, she apologized, and I was apologizing...but I never told her that I felt like I was gay. I just couldn't...it would have destroyed her."
Austin nodded, looking at me with those calm, blue eyes.

"My sister reacted like that, too...like I'd just destroyed our family...and the funny thing is, my mom actually was the one to talk her down even though she clearly felt hurt too," He mused with a little laugh, as a small frown overshadowed the amusement, "it was a few years after the accident, so that probably had a lot to do with all of our emotions I guess. We get along a lot better now, though. Do you think you will tell your ex that you...feel like you're gay...at some point?" He asked, his tone questioning my choice of words.
I contemplated his words...it must have been so hard going through that...and yet he's worked through it so maturely with such a positive outcome.

"God, Austin...you're so strong...and yeah...when the time comes, I guess I will. It wouldn't be fair of me not to...but I haven't told anyone really...they just think I'm still getting over her or something...but really, I've been..." I hesitated, not sure of what I'd been, really. Perceiving glances, trying to flirt unsuccessfully..."well...I guess I've been waiting for someone that I really want to be with, to want to be with me, too." I finished.
I felt embarrassed, but at the same time fearless to have admitted it so clearly. Austin was looking at me longingly.
"Aw Peter..." and he pulled us closer together. I felt the warmth of his skin as we touched, and my arms fit just perfectly over his body--we fit together so naturally. He looked at me and his expression turned so serious; filled with anticipation.
"I want to be with you, too."
The words he'd spoken filled me up so completely, and as our bodies held each other, so did sleep; lulling us in.