Shopping Around for Love

PAST TENSE
There he go, just the way I remember him. Sexy, is the one word that keeps coming to mind. But he's married now and its insane of me to think of him like that his name is Timothy, so I will think of him as Timothy my first boyfriend since grade school, finally breaking up in freshman year of college because of the long-distance thing became to much of a struggle for our young love. But I can't deny that he still look delicious, and with time he have grown into a very delectable young man. I should turn around and walk away, I will hate to make a scene or carry on some long conversation about how his wife and him is doing. But something edge me down the tightly squeeze grocery line. Just then, a petite young woman came around the corner, and touch him in the small of his back, and he turn to kiss her. Damn, he's here with his wife. As I look down the aisle longingly to make my escape, he made eye contact with me. Turning abruptly I saw my favorite cereal Captain Crunch I quickly grab it and turn around. It was too late he call out my name... Candice. Candice.. What else could a girl do???


CAUGHT UP
Damn how could i get myself into this, there's only one thing to do smile, and act like I'm not upset. "Oh, Hey! How are you doing? Hi!" I felt so fake, as I smile as big as I could. "I almost didn't recognize you, you must be gaining weight, finally". I sighed so long in my mind, I felt stupid like I see him on a regular. That was a low blow about the weight thing, I know Timothy was a man with pride, and he took pride in his 8-pack, muscle bound body. He laughed it off, his wife step from behind gently slapping him to the side, mumbling about how she couldn't see behind him. "Hey girl!". Timothy taking her hand into his apologizing "Babe this is a good friend of mine, we kind of grew up together, but we lost contact, once I left to go to Florida for school. Candice this is my wife Karyn, Karyn this is Candice". I wanted to scream and shout and throw everything off the shelf. He use to call me babe and I can't believe he referred to me as just a friend, I can't believe he just called me just a friend. I was once the love of his life, I know this because quite clearly he was the love of mine. I laugh like madness had hit me, I stop abruptly when I notice I was the only one laughing. I cleared my throat "Nice to meet you" she held her hand out, I thought to myself how rude would it be not to accept her hand shake. Probably quite rude I chuckled to myself thinking it would be so mean but not deserved. I shook her hand and notice the gigantic rock that she had on her third finger. He did her right, more than what I can say for our relationship. I shook my head trying to release the thoughts I can't blame him, we really didn't break on bad terms. But damn it hurt to think I still have emotions for a man that I haven't been in a relationship with over 10 years now. They look somewhat cute together almost like they belong together, as funny as that could be. I gripped the handles of the cart, smile and said "You know it was nice seeing you, and nice meeting you but I really should be leaving now. I have an appointment I can't miss". I could see him frowning as if he was trying to decipher my lie. He smile "I hope all is well for you, take care, ok". My mind race a mile a minute wondering what he was trying to say, instead of reading between the lines I'm just going to take it for what he said. After all he is married, happily married. I smile biting down harder trying to keep away the tears. "I'll do that", and as I turned to walk away I had the numbing sensation as I got to the end of the aisle to look back. When I turn to look at the end of the aisle I could see them strolling with her arm around his back. He reach for something at the top shelf and look back down the aisle and stared directly in my eye. All at once everything rush back to me from the beginning to the end. I couldn't feel my legs and my body became numb all over and I felled to the floor.


DELUSIONAL
Timmy Poo! Timmy Poo! come here. He came over to the hammock and peered over me. Trying to hold back a grin "Candy I told you not to call me that". I smiled back grabbing him, which the hammock tossed us both out onto the cold grass. "Ouch" we said in unison, which made me laugh even harder, I smiled as I kiss his lips. "As long as you can call me Candy, I can call you Timmy Poo!". Rolling to the side I thought to myself I could I do this for the rest of my life. "Babe, how do you know you love me?". I was shock to hear it, but it was something that I often thought deep about too. "I love you more than words, thoughts, actions could ever describe", I sighed deeply knowing that it was something he was thinking but just didn't know how to get it out. "But babe how can you say you love me that much and never had any other experiences other than me?" I grew irritated by the moment I sat up and look at him "Timothy I love you, I don't know if its something that's going to last a lifetime or past next week. But I know I love you, and I couldn't stand to be away from you without feeling as if I lost my whole entire self. I love you so much that I pray that you feel the same way." I shook my head not believing how the evening was starting to take place but the more I let him know my feelings I could feel myself shake uncontrollable as the the tears came down my cheeks. He put his finger over my lips and to hush the unintelligent sounds that was coming out of my mouth. I had the burning desire to prove my love to him. I kiss his fingers, grabbing one by one, sucking, licking on them till I had all of his fingers in my mouth. I could hear him moan from the gentle teasing I was doing, I move from his fingers to his mouth. Exploring with my tongue I lick his lips, he drew me in closer, pressing up against me with his tongue in my mouth. His full lips leaving my mouth going to my neck, kissing me softly. I whispered "Baby I want you but we're outside, maybe we should go inside...", he stopped me by kissing my lips, I lost all control. His fingers grabbing, touching me until I couldn't take anymore, I undress him and watch how his dick thobbed, waiting for me. I push him back on the ground and took his dick and suck it, long strokes up and down, I could hear him moan and I just couldn't resist I had to jump on top of it. I climb on top we became one, and it felt right, it was right between us. I rode him slow at first till I start to climax, he grabbed my hips pushing me back and forth until we both came. I rolled over onto my back and look at the stars that were above, we were so quiet, a little startled about the earth-shattering moment that just happen. I had so many words, that I just couldn't figure out what to say or how to say it now. He leaned over me, looking in my eyes he said "I feel the same way, I love you too" he kiss my lips. The skies open and the rain start to pour off our bodies, and he would never knew that I cried. Times had change since that night we were closer till it was time for him to leave to go to school. As it got closer for him to leave for school we argue like crazy and found each other not wanting to be around each other much. Besides I knew or at least I felt Timothy was too good for me, who would want a girl from Virginia when your going to Florida to be some big time college basketball player. Besides all that he couldn't afford to give up his life dreams on me, because after one silly night under the stars we didn't decide to use protection. I was already somewhat showing, I knew that there was only one thing to do. It hurt like hell to have to go by myself to the clinic, it even hurt worst to lose Timothy, but I broke things off never letting him know that I was pregnant. "I love you, I love you, I love you babe", I mumbled groggly, feeling as if I was just ran over by a car. I looked up shock to see that Timothy was right there holding me close to his chest, once again my eyes rolled into the back of my head. I open my eyes and immediately jump up not recognizing the location that I was in. I looked around and could hear the light mutter of television and hum of the iv machine connected to my arm. I look over to the side and it was Timothy sitting in the chair sleep. I shook my head its to much to make sense of it I laid back down. As my head touch the pillow he jolted out of his catnap and look at me. Gently taking my hand into his whispering lightly "Are you okay, you scared us back there". I shook my head yes "I'm okay, I just need my clothes so I can go now. Wait! How did I get here? Where is my car?" I look around the room and seen the dull pale colors surround around the room. I shooked my head trying to make sense of it all, and took awhile guess that I was in the hospital room. But why am I here and why is Timothy here? Timothy now sitting all the way up in his chair "Calm down, Candice your going to upset yourself again! You passed out in the grocery store, it was a good thing that we were still there, I'm not sure what would have happened to you if Karyn and I wasn't there?" he looked at me with concern. I shuddered as he spoked and immediately gotten chill bumps as soon as he spoke his wife name. It came back to me now, but wow I fainted stuff like that usually doesn't happen but then again I don't usually see my ex-lover with his wife everyday. I peered at him as I layed back down into the over-stuffed pillows. How can I still have feelings, how can my heart beat love for this man that I haven't seen in years. My head had start to hurt once again and I put my hand up to my head. Before I could even say anything he was reaching out for my hand and the other hand was on the buzzer to call the nurse.

LIVING A LIE
The nurse came into the room softly "Did anyone call me?" coming close to the bed, she had soft curls around her head almost like a halo but her perfume was too loud. I could smell her before she came fully in the room. Timothy spoke in a soft voice "Can you please call the doctor, we would like to speak to him now that she is awoke." I looked up confused wondering why was he still here. "Timothy it's really not necessary, you can leave now, I'm ok". He shooked his head, "No I couldn't do that, ma'am can you please get the doctor". She nodded her head and turned around and walk out the door to his dismissal. The doctor came in with a notepad, and sat on the stool beside the bed. "Hi Mrs. Dodson, I understand that you fell. You took quite a nasty fall, but if its ok, can I ask you and your hubsand some questions". I shook my head and tried to get up but Timothy took my hand and said "Baby its ok" he grabbed my hand a little bit "He's here to help". The doctor continue, "Has there been any illness in your family such as diabetes, kidney dieases, or cancers that we should know"? I shook my head "My mom she had diabetes but that was all". He scribbled away on the pad I tried too look but couldn't make out anything that he wrote down. "Hmm Hmm, Ok well are you expecting, have you been pregnant before?" The tears rolled down my eyes as I answered "I was pregnant before" I paused for a long silence. Timothy hands grew cold over mine but suprisingly he still held on to mine. "Hmm, Hmm, Ok, how long ago was this? I assume that you terminated the pregnancy or you lost the baby is either true?". I hate doctors with there know it all attitudes. I gasp for breath "Its been over 10 years now. Yes I terminated the pregnancy, I was too young at the time, we were too young at the time". I looked down at my hand that was place down on the bed. It was all alone like I was those many years ago. Timothy was now pacing back and forth on the side of the bed, I couldn't help but look away ashamed of my past, ashamed of the way he had to find out about his child. The doctor look from me to the man that was once so calm, that seem so supportive, back to looking at me. "Thank you, this should be enough for now, we had to run some test and with your help this should give us a better look at things. I'm quite sure you have nothing to worry about Mrs. Dodson" he turn to walk out of the room.

Timothy was sitting with his head in his arms. "So who baby was it Candice"? I looked over at him blank not believing that he just asked who baby it was. I could hear myself muttering to myself who baby, over and over again. "Dammit Candice stop playing games! Who baby was it." I sat up, maybe too fast because the room was starting to spin once again. "Are you fucking serious? Do you really have to ask such a stupid ass question? It was your baby!" I grasped the sheets on the bed trying to grab for something that would stop me from spinning.

WORLD CRUMBLING APART
“How are you going to expect for me to believe that, I haven’t seen you in God knows when and now your going to tell me you were pregnant with my child”, shaking his head he spat at me “Get serious, I know you don’t expect me to believe that. Ten years ago, I was leaving to go to school and you dumped me, and you never told me why but people told me that you were messing with a dude name Charles after I left so maybe you should be having this conversation with Charles, huh.” Walking back and forth his heels clicked the tiled leaving scuffing marks from where he walk furiously across the tiled.
         
I layed back down, I deserve this for not being a woman all those many years ago. Hell I’ll be damn for taking responsibility for actions while I was a child. “I was pregnant by you, it only takes one time to get pregnant, that one time in the hammock did it” sighing feeling drained “I broke up with you because I didn’t feel as if I was good enough for you. and you were leaving me to go to school.  I was scared, I was scared… “ drifting back to sleep. I couldn’t help but go to sleep it was to emotional stress for me all in one day.

The sun crept through the blinds and shined on my face, hinting that it was time to get up. Before I could stir the light was block from my face, and I could feel a presence over me. Opening my eyes, the doctor was standing over me with the chart, I sighed a sound of relief, to know that Timothy wasn’t still here. As I thought back from yesterday or whenever I don’t even remember how long I’ve been here now, it upset me for him to think I lied, but it relieved me he was gone and I don’t have to answer to him. The young man must have felt my tension he spoke to me with a calm voice “How are you doing this morning”, as he checked my IV; I notice he wrote something else. I shook my head slight parch “Do you know when I can leave” asking him hoping he had some type of answer. He looked at me as if he could give me the answer I so much wanted instead he got up "You'll be around for maybe a week or so you may want to make some arrangements" patting my shoulder he tried to assure me "We just need to take some final test on you and see if it reoccurs again, just cool it and we'll play it by ear." I sink deep into the sheets upset that it that I will be staying in the hospital longer than anticipated. A nurse walked in and check my IV, my eyes flutter close and I was sleep again.