Vladimir Mrrsmits Pussykins

Hi My name Vladimir Mrrrsmits Pussykins. Vlad or Vladdi are my nick names. I do not answer to any name yet as I am only a few weeks old. I am orange with yellow eyes . I have a white dickey and white boots. Since the humans do not have a digital camera or a scanner you will have to use your imagination about how I look.

I have met the other haughty and disdainful old cat people that live here. My reception has been uniform. Hissss and eyowrrr from Charissimo the indoor stuck up old man and the same from the stuffy and snooty outdoor madam. So I go about my own business, climbing on everything low enough for me to reach and shouting my youthful exuberance with life and its miread new and exciting experiences.

So MEW to you too. Vladimir Pussykins at your service ladies and gentleman.

The story begins on a lovely late spring day and I am in a cardboard box with my other cat sibling. We are look alikes but there are variations in our wonderful, golden and white coats so that we are not identical.

My mother calls me Mrrrsmits. But like most cats after leaving mom my real name got lost. Since I am telling this story I am the one who will say who I am. I am the most handsome and delightful golden tabby cat that you or anyone else has had the pleasure of knowing.

Picture this. I look like I am wearing a white shirt, white gloves and white boots. My right glove has a fairly large hole in it so that you can see my golden toe with its sheathed or unsheathed claw. My eyes are golden with green highlights around the irises. My nose is tan with pink undertones as are the soles of my front and back paws. My long beautiful tail is ringed at the end with gold and tan rings. You can see tan bolts of lightning threaded through out my soft luxuriant, fluffy, gold coat. My coat matches the fur on my head, the back of my neck and face. For you see unlike people, we cats have a fur coat on our entire bodies.

Now that you have an idea what I look like I can get back to my most interesting and magnificent story. Just in case no one ever told you, cats are probably the most vain animals living with the possible exception of peacocks. If you had aver seen a male peacock you must agree that any one would have to be vain to wear such an outlandish get up. Paleeeze. Vanity is one thing, ostentaity is something else. Again I digress. So I simply must get back to my fabulous life story. How could you possibly bear not to hear more.

Anyway, Lovely early summer day mmmm in a box with my sis and there is the boy. The boy you say. Yes the boy, one of those small humans. I would say he is about 5 or 6 years of age, nondescript, possibly blond, shorts, tee shirt and he is with his mother and sister who are both taller versions of him. We are all out side of a very large building called a grocery store, located in something called a strip Mall, In a town in Minnesota called Elk River. “Would you like a free kitten?” says the boy. A Striking woman is approaching the grocery store. The woman stops in her tracks. Turns her head to the left and she sees the boy. The striking woman says to the boy. I’ve been thinking about getting my cat a kitten. The boy calls to his Mom and runs to where she and his sister have my sibling and me in a grocery cart in the cardboard box. He says Mom, she wants to see the kittens. The Mother says hi and offers the box with the two of us to the striking woman.

Now why is this woman striking? Well unlike most of the other people at the grocery store in the early afternoon she is a very pleasing shade of dark caramel. She is dressed to impress. She is wearing a long sleeved black sports jacket, a red blouse with a collar and a black pleated skirt. The skirt has gold red white and turquoise designs all over it. She is also wearing black leather woven flat healed shoes and stockings.

I like the looks of this woman so when she comes over I give her one of my beguiling looks and she is so captivated by my charm and handsome good looks that she lifts me out of the box, looks me in the eyes and says would you like to go home with me? Well I am stricken speechless that such a striking woman would even stop to see us. But then she lifts me up and cuddles me and I swoon. Rrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrr says I. Now the boy pipes up saying: That one is a boy and the other one is a girl. But the striking woman never even glances at my pretty sister. She only has eyes for me.


I say rrrrr rrrrrrr rrrrrrrr. The striking woman says I will take this one. So the boy, his mother and sister wave goodbye to me and they all say thank you. The striking woman says thank you to them and she turns away from the grocery store and takes me to her car.

This is the beginning of my story because if someone else had taken me home who knows what I would be doing or where I would be today and I may not have had the opportunity to tell you all about me.

The adventure of my most wonderful life begins right then and there as the striking woman takes me directly to her car. Are you surprised? People do not normally take cats to grocery stores as there are unlimited opportunities for fun bamboozlement and chaos that such an excursion would present to an enterprising curious fellow like me.

At the car she opens the back passenger door and makes a bed for me on top of some clean towels that she has in the car. She opens all of the windows using this remote control gizmo and locks the car doors and leaves me for what seems like hours while she goes shopping in the grocery store. Now I am fairly worn out with so much adventure in one day so after looking around a bit I curl up on the floor on the driver’s side ignoring the towels and go to sleep. Sleeping is something that cats are expert at. Do you know that cats in the wild spend up to 80% of their time asleep? I like to think that cats are the embodiment of the law of conservation of energy. Have you ever seen a cat sleep? We are pictures of relaxation thoroughly and completely comfortable.

So the striking woman comes back to the car with a grocery cart. She wakes me up when she uses the remote gizmo to open the car door. I hear a thunk, then some rustling and swishing noises. The next thing I know the door on the drivers side opens and she says, here you are. She then gets the towels from the back seat , scoops me up and places me on top of the towels on the passenger seat closest to her. She scratches me behind the ears and I say rrrrrrr rrrrrrrrr. But does she now take me home ? Oh no! We go to another Mall where she stops at a department store to buy something else. After an unendurable amount of time she again comes back to the car signaled by the loud thunk. Gets in gives m a cuddle and then she uses another small palm sized device that she talks into and actually talks at it. The striking woman says Hi Al I got us a kitten. Yes she says I will tell you all about it when I get home. She puts the device down and starts the car for the second time and we are off.

Now when you are small and a cat the doings of humans are curious. She did something with this stick thing, which got my attention so I batted at her hand on this thing, which made her laugh, and I said Mrr! She scratched my head and under my chin. I said rrrrr rrrrrrrr rrrrrrr. The next thing I knew the car was moving and I was lolling in the sun and between the cars motion and the warm sun my eyes closed in sleep. It seemed like much later that I heard this crunching sound and I awoke.

The car stopped I heard this loud rumbling grinding sound the car moved ahead some more and stopped again. This time the striking woman got out of the car. I heard her footsteps as she walked around the car. Then the door opened and she scooped me and the towels up, carried me through another door and set me down inside My new home where she left me in a long narrow room with a door that let in the light but that you could not really see through because something was wrong with the glass that made every thing look shadowy and blurry. There was a long window the same length of the door next to it at one end and another room that smelled like wood at the other end. She disappeared through another see through door and left me alone.

There was a lot of activity in the room opposite the see through door which I wentn to and stood on my little hind feet to see out of. At this time I was only about 8 inches tall standing on my hind legs so it was all I could do to stand there look out and call to her.
Mrr! Mrr! Mrr! Said I.

I heard this grinding and whirring sound. Then I smelled this wonderful smell. Next the striking woman came through the door and went down into this large hole in the floor with tall wooden sticks around it. When I looked over the edge of the hole it was a very long way to the bottom. But I could see that there was a way to get down to the bottom without just jumping into the great whole. There were these things one could jump on in a row leading all the way down. The things to jump on were taller than I was so I decided not to try to get to the bottom of the hole.

Soon I heard the footsteps of the striking woman again, then the door opened at the bottom of the hole and I saw her head bobbing ever closer as she climbed up out of the hole. When she arrived at the top of the hole I could see that she was carrying some things. She placed a beautiful bed down on the floor then a large thing with sides to it that I could jump into. So I did and found that it contained sand. Next she went back through the see through door into the room where the good smells came from, being careful to close the door behind her, leaving me on the other side.

Directly she returned and placed two dishes on the floor next to the bed. One dish contained the good smelling food and the other held water. Well it had been hours since I had eaten and I felt as if I had a whole in my middle that I could dash through without touching the sides. I immediately attacked the wonderful smelling food and did not stop eating until there was nothing but the smell left in the dish. While I was having my supper the striking woman left the room being careful to close the see through door behind her. After eatting I put my left paw in the dish of water, just tapping the surface to see how far I had to lean over to reach it. I shook my paw then put it down and began to drink. By now my belly was swollen like a balloon I was so full.

I looked around for some newspaper but could find none so I went into the corner squatted and wet the floor. After I had finished my meal and relieved the pressure on my bladder I completed my toilet by giving my self a complete washing. I washed my face by licking the fur on my right front paw until it was good and wet then I used it to scrub my face. I kept licking the paw and washing until there was not a trace of the food or even the smell of the food on my whiskers or around my mouth. Using the same process I washed my head and behind my ears. I switched to my left paw to get to the parts of my head and neck that I could not reach with my right paw. Since cats are double-jointed contortionists I then started licking my self from front to back until I had removed every trace of dirt from my wonderful soft coat.

Now that I was rested fed and watered and sparkling clean I was ready to explore this new place. I tested the bed and ran circles around the room. I dashed over to the long window and stood on my hind legs to look out. I saw that the great out of doors was on the other side of the glass. Since I could not go out there I sat back on my haunches to ponder what to do next. Turning tail I thundered the length of the room and looked inside the room that smelled like wood. There were large obstacles in the corner so I padded into the room to investigate. I could smell nothing of interest. There were no small articles I could bat across the floor and everything was slippery or hard to reach. I soon grew tired of this fruitless exploration so I left the wood smelling room and trotted to the see through door where I sat on my haunches back away from the door so that I can see out and shout MRR! MRR!

I can see the striking woman and another big person with a heavy voice, aha a man. I can hear their voices and! I see another CAT! Hoooray another cat. MRR! MRR! Says I. Then the striking woman comes to the door, opens it and picks me up. I say rrrrrr rrrrrrr rrrrrrr. My entire body vibrates with the force of my purring. I have never been so happy for you see that I thought that I might be the only cat here at my new home. For a guy who has had his sister and mother around for his whole life that seemed a worrying prospect, who would I sleep next to every night? Who would I tussle and explore with? Who would I talk to? The other cat was just whom I most wanted to see.

Wow what should I tell you about first, the cat of course. The striking woman put me down on the floor and I made a bee line for the cat. He is big and he is sitting on his haunches with an imperious smirk on his face. Since he is sneering at me I immediately notice that he is missing one fang. I decide that will be his nickname. I gambol up to fang and he says hrrrrrr hrrrrggg grrrrr. What a shock. He is growling at me. He is not captivated by my charm, my clean and handsome good looks. I back away and sit down
Puzzled. No one has ever greeted me with such anger. I try again. I sidle up to fang who makes even more frightening noises and he actually takes a swipe at me. Well my mom did not raise any dummies so I walk away and decide to explore the room instead.

At this time I hear the striking woman and the man talking. The man gets up from the stool at the counter where he was sitting and comes over to me and picks me up. I squirm a bit because I am just a little frightened. The woman calls to fang, she calls him Charlie and they leave the room. Soon I hear a closing door and she returns without fang. The humans again talk and then the stool scrapes across the floor the man gets up and he bends over and puts me on the floor. He opens the see through door and I hear steps descending into the great deep hole. I am so nervous that I do a cart wheel, chase my tail a few seconds then plop down on my side and give my self a quick rear end wash. Meanwhile the striking woman has found some toys for me: a little leather grey mouse and a triangle of cloth containing catnip. She tosses me some milk bottle caps and I am off, racing, skidding and jumping delirious with the chase as the toys skitter across the floor with each swipe of my lightening fast paws. I roll and scramble and flip. I toss the mouse with a fling of my head. It is under the plant stand, the table, the chair. I swipe it from the floor and fling it through the air. Soon I must rest and I flop down on my side with ribs heaving I am so out of breath. When my heart stops hammering in my chest, I trot over to where the striking woman is standing and bat at the hem of her skirt. I swat her ankles and bound across her feet. Then she squeals and scoops me up off of my feet. She scratches my head, ears and under my chin and I say rrrrrrrr rrrrrrrr rrrrrrrr as she carries me to a tall stool and sits down. I rest in her arms held in her lap where soon I am floating away in a nap.


Later, I feel a waving motion and I awake as the striking woman places me on the stool
as she gets up. Then I hear the heavy thump thumping as the man comes up out of the big deep hole. He passes in font of the see through door and puts this tall tree thing down. I have never seen a tree in a house. This is of course not surprising since I am only 9 weeks old. My mother tells me often what I do not know would make a whole new world. Since the door is closed I can not look the tree thing over but I see the catnip triangle and oooo it smells so good that I bound over to it and wrestle with it chewing and batting it and tossing and chasing it until I have again worn myself out. Thennnn, the man opens the door and thump thump thumps into the wonderful smelling room. The striking woman scoops me up from the floor where I was taking a breather and carries me to the tree thing. She lays me on the top of it, on what looks like a tattered pillow. I jump all the way down to the floor. I am very startled that she would put me on such a scary high thing with no way down. I have to sit still for a while. I am so frightened. When I look around she is gone. The see through door is closed and I am alone. I sit back on my haunches viewing the tree thing. It is very tall. Since I am so small I marvel at how far I jumped to get to the floor.

Do you remember the story of Jack and the bean stalk? Well this tree thing is just as interesting to me. The base of it is a large flat piece of wood the trunk has hemp rope wrapped around it. About 8inches from the base is the first level, then there is another at 14 inches a third at 2.5 feet a fourth and final cushioned level is at 3.5 feet. This is the one that I jumped to the ground from. Wow it is up high. There are toys suspended from the tree thing on long Ropes. One is a yellow mouse, there a two fluffy yarn balls and a long strip of nylon screen. Right now though the sun is pouring through the glass front door and the tall side window. It is so warm and bright that I am toasty warm and drowsy and lulled, I go over to the wonderful comfy bed climb over the padded walls tumble onto the soft cushion curl up and close my eyes and I go to sleep.

I’m dreaming of my sister and my mom they smell so good. I mew low in my throat and stretch. The next thing I know I am feeling cooler so I get up I again go looking for some newspaper but find none. I am very uncomfortable as my bladder is full again and I also need too empty my bowels I climb back onto my bed but I cant hold it any more and my bladder gives way. I Wet my bed. Well it is not so comfy any more so I see the tray with the sand in it and I visit the sand. Relieved of all the body’s urges. I give myself a quick touch up bath. One musn’t ever be dirty. Satisfied that I am comfortable, clean and neat. I go back to the tree thing and bat the mouse. It has a bell on it that rings. Ting a ling Ting a Ling. That is all I need and the battle is on. Again I bat the mouse then I chew its tail then I attack the black ball, then the white ball, now the black. I hang on to the strip of screen, I scratch the roped tree trunk, crouch and jump to the first level on the tree. Wheee this is fun I jump back to the ground and speeding to the mouse body slam it. I go swinging out grappling the mouse. I look down. The ground is careening back and forth. I close my eyes and let go. Tha thump I land hind feet first. Wow that was fun. I go after the two balls. For about 15 minutes I am happily occupied. Then mouth watering smells start to snake into the room and I realize that I am hungry. I bound over to the see through door and whom should I see but the Cat AGAIN. I say MRR! MRR!


The striking woman steps from behind the counter carrying a dish and the cat follows her. They leave the wonderful smelling room. I sit back on my haunches, again I hear her footsteps. She approaches the see through door opens it and lets me in. She goes to the counter and get a second dish which she carries along with my squirming self back to the room with the deep dark hole in the floor. She places the dish down along side of the left over water, picks up the soiled dish then puts me down. I rush to the food and start to eat ravenously. Boy I did not know that I was so hungry. She checks to see if I used the sand and notes that I did. But failed to cover the results. She puts down the dirty dish and picks me up. Then she places me on the sand takes my front paws and tosses the sand with them until the waste is covered. I am puzzled but since I am still hungry I bound out of the sand and over to my food dish. Next she checks to see where I wet and discovers my wet bed. She tutt tutts to herself takes up the bed and descends into the deep dark hole with it. When she returns she does not have the bed but she smells different. The smell makes me sneeze. SNX SNX.

Now there are two dirty dishes as I have finished eating all of my food. She picks up the dishes and walks out of the room with me at her heels. I immediately start to look around for the Cat or something to play with and I spy a very interesting looking Bag hanging from the kitchen chair back. It smells wonderful like fresh hay and it has a semi loose weave and is light brown like a paper bag . I jump at it grappling it with my extended front claws then I begin to climb up the bag and when I get to the top I look inside and see that it has freshly washed cloths in it. I scramble inside. It swings. I climb up the inside walls peer out the top and decide that tis is the perfect place to play hide and seek.

How will anyone know where I am if I climb into the bag. It smells really good inside and the cloths are so comfortable that after several trips I and out of the bag to the chair ,then to the floor and under the table around the plant stand and even a swipe at fangs tail I scamper up to the bag grab hold climb to the top and tumble in. I knead those nice soft cloths lay on my side and take a nice cat nap. Good night and good bye till next time. Vlad