The Secret

Mother didn't know I was eavesdropping around the corner. I hesitated, fearful of what I had to tell her.

"That tramp is home." I heard mother say.

Without looking, I knew she was referring to Monica next door. She was due home from the hospital. Her mother said she had had the baby. Monica had gotten pregnant during Christmas break. She had continued going to school until her belly grew. Then she was home schooled.

Monica and I had been friends ever since she moved next door when we were only two. My mother said if I ever went "missing" she knew I could be found at Monica's. Ever since Monica became pregnant mother no longer approved of our friendship. Against mother's wishes I would go to Monica's house after school to catch her up on the latest gossip from Grant High School.

Mother wanted everything to be perfect. I tried my hardest to please her. I went to church every Sunday. I got straight A's in school. I took the piano lessons she wanted me to even though it was the longest hour of every day. Looking down at the pregnancy test that read positive I knew I hadn't tried hard enough.

"Like mother like daughter." Mother continued to rant on. "I wouldn't want to show my face if that Monica was my daughter. It just goes to show the kind of upbringing that girl has had. If you raise them right, they do right."

Father mumbled as if he agreed. I knew I couldn't tell them now. I went into my room and tossed the test into the trash can next to my bed. I wished I could go back to the night I was invited to that party. My mother thought I was spending the night at my best friend Alicia's house. If only that were true.

Alicia and I were not planning on drinking. But then two guys came over and handed us each a beer. Alicia was led out on the balcony. While the other guy sat and talked with me. I only had the one beer, but I don't remember much from that night. I must have blacked out. I woke and was naked in someone's bed. I barely caught a glimpse of the guy from last night as he walked out and closed the door.

Even though I had blacked out, I knew something terrible had happened. I felt so much pain in a place never touched before. I felt violated and alone. I never told mother or father. They wouldn't understand. I knew I would be grounded for months for lying, sneaking, drinking. So, I pretended everything was fine and that night never happened.

A month later on one of my visits to Monica's I felt so nauseas. That's when Monica suggested I buy the pregnancy test. I wish I could pretend it said negative. I would have to find a way to hide this from Mother and Father. They definitely wouldn't understand this.

A few days later I was studying in my room. I was trying to forget something living was growing inside me. There was a tap at the door and Mother walked in. Her face was red as if she had been crying. I set my books aside knowing this must be serious.

Then I noticed her hand was behind her back. She held something.

"We have to talk," said Mother.

Panic rushed through me. My eyes darted towards the trash can next to my bed. Empty, just as I thought. To confirm my thoughts mother showed me the pregnancy test that should have been in the trash.

"Mother please listen to me. I...I..." tears streamed down my face. Now she would know I wasn't her perfect little girl.

Mother sat down across from me on the bed.

"No. Please listen to me."

I knew it was worse than I thought. Mother was never this calm when I did something wrong. She would explode any minute now. And my life would be over.

"Alicia's parents were over here earlier with the police. Alicia told us what happened. Why didn't you tell me?" Mother said.

I didn't want you to be ashamed of me and think I was a tramp." I bowed my head and stared at my fingers twisting around themselves. Thoughts of mother and fathers conversation on Monica and her baby came back to me.

"Why would I think that? You're my daughter. I love you no matter what."

"I heard you talking to Father when Monica came home with her baby. You called her a tramp. I tried so hard to do the right thing. You have taught me what's right. I'm sorry I let you down."

Mother surprised me and wrapped her arms around me.

"I am the one that let you down. I was wrong to call Monica a tramp. This is not your fault. You are a very good daughter. I shouldn't push you so hard."

We had a very long talk. I went to the police station and filed a report. I found out a drug was put in my drink to make me pass out. They had found the guys that did this to Alicia and me. They would go to prison for a very long time.

Alicia was at the station. We clutched each other and cried. It was good not to pretend nothing happened. It was good not to be alone anymore.

As we walked to the car, Mother talked about helping me with the baby. She said things would be different now. She wouldn't be so controlling if I would promise not to keep secrets from her.

"Well, there is one other thing I have been keeping from you," I said.

Mother stopped and turned to me with wide eyes.

"I don't like playing the piano."

Mother laughed and cried at the same time.

"You don't have to play the piano anymore."