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Chapter 3 The sun beating through my blinds woke me up. I didnât have a good night, I kept waking up and tossing and turning. I was restless. I was just getting out of my grogginess when I heard my phone beep. I reached over to my side table and grabbed it. I flipped it open to see why it was beeping. 5 missed calls. All from Aaron. I quickly dialed up his number and he answered on the first ring, like he was waiting by the phone for my call. âKae?â he answered. âHey Aaron, did you call?â âYeah, meet me outside.â he said urgently. âUh- okay. Bye.â then we hung up. What was his problem? He canât still be mad about last night. Whatever his deal was, I was about to hear about it. I got up quickly and walked into my bathroom. I brushed my teeth to get rid of any morning breath I might have and then went downstairs. My parents were already gone. I unlocked the front door and opened it. Aaron was sitting in the doorway and glanced up at me as I came out. I sat down beside him looked at him. Things were quiet for a while. He just sat there flipping his fingers back and forth. I finally spoke. âDid you need to talk about something?â I urged him after a while. He was silent for a while longer, not answering my question. âWhy did you look so different last night, Kae?â There was that look again; the look of confusion and pain. Why was there pain? I didnât get it. âI guess I just wanted to try something new.â I explained. âPlus, I was on a date, I wanted to look nice.â âYou donât get fancied up when we go out to dinner.â I snapped at me, shooting me a dirty look. âWe also donât go to fancy places where I have to get dressed up.â I reminded him. âIt wasnât you.â He shot me a unreadable look. Our eyes were locked. âNot you at all.â His stare was smothering me. I cold feel his pain through that stare. âI know.â I told him, trying to ignore his eyes piercing through me like daggers. âWell..?â âWell, Aaron, just like a told you a minute ago, I wanted to try something new. Thatâs it.â I lied. My stomach was in knots and I felt like there was a huge lump in my throat; I felt like crying, but I didnât. My plan had back fired and blown up in my face. He nodded, looking down again at his hands. There was another long pause before he spoke again. âWhy Tom?â he glowered at the name. âWhy did you bring him?â âI didnât bring him, Aaron. The whole date was his idea. He brought me. Why? Whatâs the matter with him?â I asked, trying to sound angry. âNothing, I guess.â he paused. âBut, God, Kae. You looked so different last night. Was that all for him? Where you trying to impress him?â there he went again, with the name thing. âNot exactly.â I said meekly. âThen what is it?â he asked frustrated. He seemed honestly confused about the whole situation, it was all over his face. I couldnât tell him the real reason for my change. But I also couldnât lie to him. I just stared back into his hazel eyes and began to feel tears forming in my eyes. I heard him sigh, but he continued to stare heavily into my eyes. Then, without thinking, I leaned close to him and gently touched my lips to his. I suddenly regretted that. I felt his jaw clench tight and we both jerked away quickly. I looked to study his face and saw shock. âAaron..â I began. âI have to go.â he said, before getting up and making his way across the yard. âAaron!â I got up and chased after him. âAaron, please wait.â I caught up with him and began tugging on his shirt. âIâm stupid, I shouldnât have done that and Iâm sorry! Please, canât we just talk about this?â I pleaded with him. Tears were now trickling down my cheek. âKae, let me go,â he said, pulling his shirt out of my grasp, not daring to look at me. âI have to do some thinking.â He started walking again. So did I. âWhat do you have to think about Aaron Locke?â I was tugging on his shirt again, and again he pulled away, only this time he did it with more force; I think he shirt might have ripped a little bit. âUs. You and I. I thought we were just friends, but now..â I trailed off. He turned to face me now. Only he didnât comfort me. He saw me crying, but just stood there. No hug, no comforting words, not even a pat on the shoulder. He just stood there watching me humiliate myself. If I werenât so hurt, I would have slapped him for this, but I couldnât. He stood there for a few more moments and then turned away. I looked up at the sky and saw clouds forming above us, ready to let itâs tears down at any moment to join my own. I stood there and then it hit me. I had to say it now, or I never would. I looked down from the clouds and looked at Aaron, walked across the street. âAaron, I love you!â I screamed through the tears. He stopped walking, turned around, and walked back to me again. I couldnât read his face. âPlease, Kae. Donât say that.â he said, with a hint of hurt in his voice. âI do, though. I love you Aaron. All of that last night was for you! I thought if I was more like a girl you would start to feel the same way about me.â I explained to him. Then jumped when a clap of thunder startled me. âKae, I wish you would stop saying that. I donât want to hurt you.â he told me, thatâs when I saw it. Aaron was actually tearing up. I flung my arms around his neck, trying to comfort him. âI donât believe youâd hurt me. I know, somewhere deep down inside of you, you feel the same way about me.â he reached up and pulled my arms off of him and nudged me away from his body. âKaeâŚâ he looked down for a long moment and then looked up at me. At that very same time, the clouds released their icy-like rain drops onto us. The more seconds that passed by, the harder the rain fell. Aaron was still silent and still looked into my damp eyes. âTell me you donât love me and I wont bother you again; look into my eyes and tell me the truth. But donât you dare tell me you donât unless you mean it! Donât tell me you donât love me because your afraid of hurting Tracy or what your friends will say. If you tell me you donât love me, you better mean it for you and only you!â I threatened him, yelling through the tears about to over-flow down my cheeks. âLook into my eyes and tell me you donât love me back!â He was silent for a few more seconds, staring at me but not really seeing me at the same time. He let his eyes wander past me face to the woods behind us and then he spoke four words that stung more then the bullets falling onto our skin. âI donât love you.â and that was it. He turned and walked across the street and disappeared into the fogginess brought on by the sheets of heavy rain, not waiting to see my reaction. I didnât even bother chasing after him. Instead, I fell to the flooding ground and sobbed into my hands. I sat there as the rain fell and the thunder roared. How would I go on now? My whole reason for getting out of the bed in the mornings just broke my heart. The boy I loved with all of my heart and all of my soul didnât love me back. I pulled my hands from my face when I heard a truck engine roar to life and tires screech along the pavement. I saw Aaronâs red truck speeding down the road. I couldnât believe it; he was leaving me like this. I was crying in the middle of the yard in the pouring down rain. I couldnât stay here. I had to go. I stood up and walked into the house to get my car keys. I didnât know where I was going or what I was going to do when I got there, but I had to go. I left my mom and dad a note on the counter telling them that I was going out and that Iâd be back later. I walked out to my car, spun out of my drive way and started driving. I donât exactly know how I was driving, considering I could barely see due to the amount of tears pouring from my eyes. I didnât care that I ran through a stop sign or was speeding way beyond the speed limit. None of it mattered anymore. So what if I got hurt? He wouldnât care; he doesnât love me. I was shocked that I made it to wherever I was without being pulled over or chased down by the local cop. Though, he was the least of my worries. I didnât realize where I was going until I stopped and got out. I walked up the familiar dirt trail, that was now muddy from the rain. I finally reached the Hill and crashed onto the ground and began to weep again. I didnât feel like I had to hide myself anymore. I was completely and utterly alone and for once, I was glad. I pressed my face against the damp, cool grass and pounded my fist onto the ground and let out a yelp of pain. I couldnât breathe; I was suffocating. I felt pathetic lying there in the state I was in. How could I let him have this affect on me? I knew coming into this game that my chances were slim to none. But even knowing this, why did it come as such a shock? I donât know how long I was laying there, but I felt the rain slack off and then I heard something come up the trail that made me spin around and look to see what it was. âOh- I didnât know you were here.â I heard Aaron say to me. Of course he knew I was here, my old, rustic car is hard to miss. âIâll leave.â I said, as I was getting up and dusting myself off and quickly wiping the salt water tears from my face, now embarrassed. How long had he standing there? âNo!â he shouted, as he was walking towards me. âIâm glad youâre here, because in to talk to you.â âWhat could you possibly have to say to me? You already said it all.â I told him as I walked past him to the trail back to my car. He grabbed my wrist with his unbreakable grip and spun me around so we were facing one another. I wish he didnât touch me. The gapping hole in my chest could only take so much before it swallowed me whole. âThere are some things you have to understand Kae.â he walked me over to a patch of grass and sat me down. âKaeâŚâ he sat down next to me, but didnât continue. âWhat is it Aaron? Whatever it is, it canât possibly be as hurtful as what has already happened.â I told him, not even attempting to hide my sorrow. His eyes darted at me. Again, like daggers driving their way through me. âI have always loved you Kae, always. I have no clue how you missed it. But its true. I never told you because I was afraid, of I donât know what. Maybe rejection..? I still love you Kae. But not the same way. I had to move on. I forced myself to move on. I wasnât able to keep myself sane and love you at the same time.â He saw what I could no longer hide; tears of hurt. They were streaming out like an unstoppable rebel force. âKae..â he choked. âPlease. Please donât cry. I donât like to do this, in fact I hate it!â âThen why the heck are you? You said you loved me, and now you know I love you! Why is it so complicated? We love each other and we both know it!â I screamed in his face. He took all my yelling and screaming with tolerance, like he knew he deserved it. âKae, Tracy has my heart now. Not that you donât, you do! But I love Tracy.â He wiped a tear that was trickling down my cheek; I pulled away. âI knew this was going to happen! Iâm going to try to set things right between us, Kae. It seems only right for me to try and this is the only way I know how. I thinkâŚâ I looked down and paused. âCome on. Whatever your thinking canât do anymore damage than what has already been done. Whatever it is, I can handle it.â I braced myself. âOkay. I think that we should stop hanging out.â He was still looking down. I thought I could handle anything he was going to say. And I probably could. Anything and everything but that. âWhat?â I couldnât believe what I had just heard. âYeah, uh- I think it would be for the best. I mean, at least until both of us have gotten over this wholeâŚsituation.â âThe best for who?â I demanded âWell, for you. I think it would give you some time to get over all of this and continue living.â He was still not looking at me! I have known Aaron long enough to know when he is lying and right now, he was my own personal Pinocchio. âYou are a filthy liar, Aaron Locke!â He looked up to that. I stood and glared at him. âExcuse me?â he looked shocked that I had called him out. âYes you! How can you sit here and tell me that this is the best for me? How can you sit here and lie straight to my face! I mean seriously Aaron, are you kidding me? I have been you best friend since God knows how long and-â he cut me off. âSeven years and six monthsâŚâ He got up now and was yelling in my face. âYou have been my best friend for seven years and six months!â âExactly!â I screamed, somewhat taken back at the information he knew, but quickly recovered. âAnd your telling me that after that long you donât want to hang out with me anymore just because of this- this situation, isnât that what you called it? You act like you expected me to just up and start whistling show tunes when you broke the news to me. You actually acted like I would be okay with it. You have some nerve!â Tears of anger, tears of hurt, I couldnât tell them apart now. But they were both streaming down my cheeks and dripping off my face. And the thing that shocked me the most was Aaron. He too was crying; tears of anger or hurt I didnât know, but he was crying. This was all to much for me. He obviously wasnât going to say anything else on the subject, probably didnât have anything else to say. Before I could think about it, my body turned and my feet were running. I ran as fast as I could down the wet, slippery, muddy trail. I heard him yell somethingâŚmy name? I donât know, I wasnât going back though, so it didnât make a difference what he had to say. I tripped and slipped but I couldnât take the time to fall. I ran all the way down the trail to my car, practically hyperventilating when I reached it. I couldnât breathe. I grabbed my torso, bent over, hung my head and let a loud, painful sob brake through my hard, raspy breath. I flung my car door open and climbed into my car, revving the engine on and flinging into reverse. I sped down the long country road sobbing loudly the whole way. I finally had to pull over until I could control myself. I unbuckled and pulled my legs into the seat with me. I laid my head against my knees and continued to cry. I sat there for a little while, and finally got control. I pulled my legs down and lookout the window towards the road. I drove home, still speeding. I walked inside, and was greeted by my mom. âKae, honey, is that you?â I heard her voice from the kitchen drawing closer. âI was beginning to-â she stopped suddenly when she saw me. âWhat in the world?â she walked over to me and wrapped me in her arms. I felt like a little child. As soon as she was hugging me, I collapsed and began to bawl again. She patted my back and asked what happened. I spilled everything. About me telling him I love him and how he said we shouldnât hangout anymore. Mom listened without any interruptions. She didnât even pry, she just comforted me. After about a half-hour of crying and more crying, I walked upstairs to my room. I locked the door behind me, like somehow that would stop the pain and sorrow from following me into my little sanctuary. It didnât; the pain was still there, lingering along with me. I didnât let anyone in. My family eventually took a hint and left me alone. I didnât want pity from them; I had enough of my own. I wasnât completely shocked when Aaron didnât call. I cried myself to sleep, like so many other nights before. But this was different. The pain meant something, there was reasoning for the tears. I knew he didnât love me know and that fact made the tears come that much harder. School was only a month away and that would make things much worse. I would have to see him. I couldnât avoid him in the over-crowded halls of our school ; it would be impossible. I tried to sleep, but only woke myself from nightmares every two minutes. I was exhausted and I wanted to sleep. But I didnât want to see what I knew I would see; His face. His face, my own personal nightmare. I must have finally drifted to sleep, because the next thing I know, I sprang up from my bed, with the realization that I had survived through the night. |