Bestfriends,Better Off as Lovers(ch3)

the story continues..

Chapter 3

The sun beating through my blinds woke me up. I didn’t have a good night, I kept waking up and tossing and turning. I was restless. I was just getting out of my grogginess when I heard my phone beep. I reached over to my side table and grabbed it. I flipped it open to see why it was beeping.
5 missed calls.
All from Aaron. I quickly dialed up his number and he answered on the first ring, like he was waiting by the phone for my call.
“Kae?” he answered.
“Hey Aaron, did you call?”
“Yeah, meet me outside.” he said urgently.
“Uh- okay. Bye.” then we hung up.
What was his problem? He can’t still be mad about last night. Whatever his deal was, I was about to hear about it. I got up quickly and walked into my bathroom. I brushed my teeth to get rid of any morning breath I might have and then went downstairs. My parents were already gone. I unlocked the front door and opened it. Aaron was sitting in the doorway and glanced up at me as I came out. I sat down beside him looked at him.
Things were quiet for a while. He just sat there flipping his fingers back and forth. I finally spoke.
“Did you need to talk about something?” I urged him after a while.
He was silent for a while longer, not answering my question.
“Why did you look so different last night, Kae?” There was that look again; the look of confusion and pain. Why was there pain? I didn’t get it.
“I guess I just wanted to try something new.” I explained. “Plus, I was on a date, I wanted to look nice.”
“You don’t get fancied up when we go out to dinner.” I snapped at me, shooting me a dirty look.
“We also don’t go to fancy places where I have to get dressed up.” I reminded him.
“It wasn’t you.” He shot me a unreadable look. Our eyes were locked. “Not you at all.” His stare was smothering me. I cold feel his pain through that stare.
“I know.” I told him, trying to ignore his eyes piercing through me like daggers.
“Well..?”
“Well, Aaron, just like a told you a minute ago, I wanted to try something new. That’s it.” I lied. My stomach was in knots and I felt like there was a huge lump in my throat; I felt like crying, but I didn’t. My plan had back fired and blown up in my face.
He nodded, looking down again at his hands. There was another long pause before he spoke again.
“Why Tom?” he glowered at the name. “Why did you bring him?”
“I didn’t bring him, Aaron. The whole date was his idea. He brought me. Why? What’s the matter with him?” I asked, trying to sound angry.
“Nothing, I guess.” he paused. “But, God, Kae. You looked so different last night. Was that all for him? Where you trying to impress him?” there he went again, with the name thing.
“Not exactly.” I said meekly.
“Then what is it?” he asked frustrated. He seemed honestly confused about the whole situation, it was all over his face.
I couldn’t tell him the real reason for my change. But I also couldn’t lie to him. I just stared back into his hazel eyes and began to feel tears forming in my eyes. I heard him sigh, but he continued to stare heavily into my eyes. Then, without thinking, I leaned close to him and gently touched my lips to his.
I suddenly regretted that. I felt his jaw clench tight and we both jerked away quickly. I looked to study his face and saw shock.
“Aaron..” I began.
“I have to go.” he said, before getting up and making his way across the yard.
“Aaron!” I got up and chased after him. “Aaron, please wait.” I caught up with him and began tugging on his shirt. “I’m stupid, I shouldn’t have done that and I’m sorry! Please, can’t we just talk about this?” I pleaded with him. Tears were now trickling down my cheek.
“Kae, let me go,” he said, pulling his shirt out of my grasp, not daring to look at me. “I have to do some thinking.” He started walking again. So did I.
“What do you have to think about Aaron Locke?” I was tugging on his shirt again, and again he pulled away, only this time he did it with more force; I think he shirt might have ripped a little bit.
“Us. You and I. I thought we were just friends, but now..” I trailed off.
He turned to face me now. Only he didn’t comfort me. He saw me crying, but just stood there. No hug, no comforting words, not even a pat on the shoulder. He just stood there watching me humiliate myself. If I weren’t so hurt, I would have slapped him for this, but I couldn’t. He stood there for a few more moments and then turned away.
I looked up at the sky and saw clouds forming above us, ready to let it’s tears down at any moment to join my own. I stood there and then it hit me. I had to say it now, or I never would. I looked down from the clouds and looked at Aaron, walked across the street.
“Aaron, I love you!” I screamed  through the tears.
He stopped walking, turned around, and walked back to me again. I couldn’t read his face. “Please, Kae. Don’t say that.” he said, with a hint of hurt in his voice.
“I do, though. I love you Aaron. All of that last night was for you! I thought if I was more like a girl you would start to feel the same way about me.” I explained to him. Then jumped when a clap of thunder startled me.
“Kae, I wish you would stop saying that. I don’t want to hurt you.” he told me, that’s when I saw it. Aaron was actually tearing up.
I flung my arms around his neck, trying to comfort him. “I don’t believe you’d hurt me. I know, somewhere deep down inside of you, you feel the same way about me.” he reached up and pulled my arms off of him and nudged me away from his body.
“Kae…” he looked down for a long moment and then looked up at me. At that very same time, the clouds released their icy-like rain drops onto us. The more seconds that passed by, the harder the rain fell. Aaron was still silent and still looked into my damp eyes.
“Tell me you don’t love me and I wont bother you again; look into my eyes and tell me the truth. But don’t you dare tell me you don’t unless you mean it! Don’t tell me you don’t love me because your afraid of hurting Tracy or what your friends will say. If you tell me you don’t love me, you better mean it for you and only you!” I threatened him, yelling through the tears about to over-flow down my cheeks. “Look into my eyes and tell me you don’t love me back!”
He was silent for a few more seconds, staring at me but not really seeing me at the same time. He let his eyes wander past me face  to the woods behind us and then he spoke four words that stung more then the bullets falling onto our skin.
“I don’t love you.” and that was it. He turned and walked across the street and disappeared into the fogginess brought on by the sheets of heavy rain, not waiting to see my reaction. I didn’t even bother chasing after him. Instead, I fell to the flooding ground and sobbed into my hands. I sat there as the rain fell and the thunder roared. How would I go on now? My whole reason for getting out of the bed in the mornings just broke my heart. The boy I loved with all of my heart and all of my soul didn’t love me back.
I pulled my hands from my face when I heard a truck engine roar to life and tires screech along the pavement. I saw Aaron’s red truck speeding down the road. I couldn’t believe it; he was leaving me like this. I was crying in the middle of the yard in the pouring down rain. I couldn’t stay here. I had to go. I stood up and walked into the house to get my car keys. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was going to do when I got there, but I had to go. I left my mom and dad a note on the counter telling them that I was going out and that I’d be back later. I walked out to my car, spun out of my drive way and started driving.
I don’t exactly know how I was driving, considering I could barely see due to the amount of tears pouring from my eyes. I didn’t care that I ran through a stop sign or was speeding way beyond the speed limit. None of it mattered anymore. So what if I got hurt? He wouldn’t care; he doesn’t love me. I was shocked that I made it to wherever I was without being pulled over or chased down by the local cop. Though, he was the least of my worries.
I didn’t realize where I was going until I stopped and got out. I walked up the familiar dirt trail, that was now muddy from the rain. I finally reached the Hill and crashed onto the ground and began to weep again. I didn’t feel like I had to hide myself anymore. I was completely and utterly alone and for once, I was glad. I pressed my face against the damp, cool grass and pounded my fist onto the ground and let out a yelp of pain. I couldn’t breathe; I was suffocating. I felt pathetic lying there in the state I was in. How could I let him have this affect on me? I knew coming into this game that my chances were slim to none. But even knowing this, why did it come as such a shock?
  I don’t know how long I was laying there, but I felt the rain slack off and then I heard something come up the trail that made me spin around and look to see what it was.
“Oh- I didn’t know you were here.” I heard Aaron say to me. Of course he knew I was here, my old, rustic car is hard to miss.
“I’ll leave.” I said, as I was getting up and dusting myself off and quickly wiping the salt water tears from my face, now embarrassed. How long had he standing there?
“No!” he shouted, as he was walking towards me. “I’m glad you’re here, because in to talk to you.”
“What could you possibly have to say to me? You already said it all.” I told him as I walked past him to the trail back to my car. He grabbed my wrist with his unbreakable grip and spun me around so we were facing one another. I wish he didn’t touch me. The gapping hole in my chest could only take so much before it swallowed me whole.
“There are some things you have to understand Kae.” he walked me over to a patch of grass and sat me down. “Kae…” he sat down next to me, but didn’t continue.
“What is it Aaron? Whatever it is, it can’t possibly be as hurtful as what has already happened.” I told him, not even attempting to hide my sorrow.
His eyes darted at me. Again, like daggers driving their way through me. “I have always loved you Kae, always. I have no clue how you missed it. But its true. I never told you because I was afraid, of I don’t know what. Maybe rejection..? I still love you Kae. But not the same way. I had to move on. I forced myself to move on. I wasn’t able to keep myself sane and love you at the same time.” He saw what I could no longer hide; tears of hurt. They were streaming out like an unstoppable rebel force.
“Kae..” he choked. “Please. Please don’t cry. I don’t like to do this, in fact I hate it!”
“Then why the heck are you? You said you loved me, and now you know I love you! Why is it so complicated? We love each other and we both know it!” I screamed in his face. He took all my yelling and screaming with tolerance, like he knew he deserved it.
“Kae, Tracy has my heart now. Not that you don’t, you do! But I love Tracy.” He wiped a tear that was trickling down my cheek; I pulled away. “I knew this was going to happen! I’m going to try to set things right between us, Kae. It seems only right for me to try and this is the only way I know how. I think…” I looked down and paused.
“Come on. Whatever your thinking can’t do anymore damage than what has already been done. Whatever it is, I can handle it.” I braced myself.
“Okay. I think that we should stop hanging out.” He was still looking down. I thought I could handle anything he was going to say. And I probably could. Anything and everything but that.
“What?” I couldn’t believe what I had just heard.
“Yeah, uh- I think it would be for the best. I mean, at least until both of us have gotten over this whole…situation.”
“The best for who?” I demanded
“Well, for you. I think it would give you some time to get over all of this and continue living.”
He was still not looking at me! I have known Aaron long enough to know when he is lying and right now, he was my own personal Pinocchio.
“You are a filthy liar, Aaron Locke!” He looked up to that. I stood and glared at him.
“Excuse me?” he looked shocked that I had called him out.
“Yes you! How can you sit here and tell me that this is the best for me? How can you sit here and lie straight to my face! I mean seriously Aaron, are you kidding me? I have been you best friend since God knows how long and-” he cut me off.
“Seven years and six months…” He got up now and was yelling in my face.  “You have been my best friend for seven years and six months!” 
“Exactly!” I screamed, somewhat taken back at the information he knew, but quickly recovered. “And your telling me that after that long you don’t want to hang out with me anymore just because of this- this situation, isn’t that what you called it? You act like you expected me to just up and start whistling show tunes when you broke the news to me. You actually acted like I would be okay with it. You have some nerve!” Tears of anger, tears of hurt, I couldn’t tell them apart now. But they were both streaming down my cheeks and dripping off my face. And the thing that shocked me the most was Aaron. He too was crying; tears of anger or hurt I didn’t know, but he was crying.
This was all to much for me. He obviously wasn’t going to say anything else on the subject, probably didn’t have anything else to say. Before I could think about it, my body turned and my feet were running. I ran as fast as I could down the wet, slippery, muddy trail. I heard him yell something…my name? I don’t know, I wasn’t going back though, so it didn’t make a difference what he had to say. I tripped and slipped but I couldn’t take the time to fall. I ran all the way down the trail to my car, practically hyperventilating when I reached it. I couldn’t breathe. I grabbed my torso, bent over, hung my head and let a loud, painful sob brake through my hard, raspy breath. I flung my car door open and climbed into my car, revving the engine on and flinging into reverse. I sped down the long country road sobbing loudly the whole way. I finally had to pull over until I could control myself. I unbuckled and pulled my legs into the seat with me. I laid my head against my knees and continued to cry. I sat there for a little while, and finally got control. I pulled my legs down and lookout the window towards the road. I drove home, still speeding.
I walked inside, and was greeted by my mom.
“Kae, honey, is that you?” I heard her voice from the kitchen drawing closer. “I was beginning to-” she stopped suddenly when she saw me. “What in the world?” she walked over to me and wrapped me in her arms.
I felt like a little child. As soon as she was hugging me, I collapsed and began to bawl again. She patted my back and asked what happened. I spilled everything. About me telling him I love him and how he said we shouldn’t hangout anymore. Mom listened without any interruptions. She didn’t even pry, she just comforted me. After about a half-hour of crying and more crying, I walked upstairs to my room. I locked the door behind me, like somehow that would stop the pain and sorrow from following me into my little sanctuary. It didn’t; the pain was still there, lingering along with me.
I didn’t let anyone in. My family eventually took a hint and left me alone. I didn’t want pity from them; I had enough of my own. I wasn’t completely shocked when Aaron didn’t call. I cried myself to sleep, like so many other nights before. But this was different. The pain meant something, there was reasoning for the tears. I knew he didn’t love me know and that fact made the tears come that much harder. School was only a month away and that would make things much worse. I would have to see him. I couldn’t avoid him in the over-crowded halls of our school ; it would be impossible.
I tried to sleep, but only woke myself from nightmares every two minutes. I was exhausted and I wanted to sleep. But I didn’t want to see what I knew I would see; His face. His face, my own personal nightmare. I must have finally drifted to sleep, because the next thing I know, I sprang up from my bed, with the realization that I had survived through the night.