Choose Your Own Salvation BIBLE - 1

GENESIS

You are God. One day while playin’ around in obscurity and a whole lot of nothingness you start to ponder how it would be if there were, you know, something-ness. So you close your little omnipotent eyes and wonder what kind of neat creatures and planets, and goblins and monsters, and freaks and perverts, and rapists and murders, and dictators and fascists, and arrogant former pop stars and self-obsessed hotel heiresses you could conjure up in that old noggin of yours. Finally you decide to stop thinking about it and do, do, do.
You decide to create the universe along with earth and all the people on it. While making your plan, you try to settle on an outline and period of time to work on this "pet project" of yours...a hobby, really, to fill that time in between the “being all power” shit.



TURN TO PAGE 2: You decide to conjure everything into being fast and quick. You figure it’ll take 7 days or so, give or take a couple late starts due to hangovers.

TURN TO PAGE 18: You decide to begin with a “BANG” and let everything just develop at its own pace over millions of years.


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PAGE 2:

FROM PAGE 1: After exhausting yourself churnin’ out all of existence and everything, you decide to rest on the 7th day of construction.
It’s those god damn orbits; they are a bitch to work out. Plus you add people’s circulatory systems to the mix and the workings of the obviously psychotic female mind (wherein no logic and understanding can be found), it just becomes a whole ordeal. Even for the creator of all things.
Having completely spent yourself, you decide to let the two people you created play around, and for some reason decide to give them names instead of just calling them “one with dick” and “one with tits.” Perhaps it just seemed like a good idea at the time to give them English (a language not yet invented) names: Adam and Eve.