Dragon's Christmas Adventure

Shrek the Halls II - Dragon's Christmas Adventure

Introduction

To the millions who watched the first ever Shrek Christmas Special on television, it succeeded in maintaining the same dark humor, and quality animation, but the general consensus was that is was far too short, being only a half hour production. This heartwarming story is an attempt to redress the situation with "what happened" after the credits began to roll, and it focuses on that most neglected of the original Shrek main characters, Dragon, who because of her ponderous size could not join the rest of the friends, enjoying the Christmas Cheer in the ogre's warm cottage. This story will later be incorporated in the complete  Dragon's Tale Novella which can be read at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3628439/1/Dragons_Tale_A_Shrek_Fanfic_Novella

and this piece will be added to that story when it reaches this point in the Shrekian Universe. But it is created now, on December 24th, as a little Christmas present to the Shrek-loving readers and writers who come here. This story also brings to light  one of the little known Christmas traditions that began in Medieval Southern Southern Europe where dragons, ogres, and witches were as real to the people of those times, as these characters are in the world of Shrek.

Copyright Acknowledgment

Characters, places, and situations from the Shrek films belong to Dreamworks Studios, who I thank for bringing the joy and humor of Shrek into our otherwise mundane lives.

Our story begins as the Television "Special" ended...

The whole gang of fairytale creatures looked up into the clear December sky at the sight of a rotund bearded man, in a sleigh pulled by eight, apparently enchanted flying reindeer. Nothing was particularly extraordinary about the scene for in this Fairy Tale World even Donkey once flew as well, when doused with a sprinkling of fairy dust. And looming by the Donkey's side, his improbable wife, an enormous red dragon, seemed to have magical flying abilities too, for her undersized wings alone could hardly lift her enormous bulk otherwise.

Speaking to the whole group, Donkey broke the silence with a loud, "Hey, I think Santa is circling Shrek's house. He probably has presents for us but he won't come down until we get into bed".

Shrek gave a sigh of relief and said, "Well, I guess that means means its time for you all to go home. Thanks for coming everyone, and lets get together again, say... sometimes after the New Year?"

Fiona chided him, as she lovingly put her arm around his massive ogre frame. "Why no Shrek, its too late and cold to send them home now, we have extra blankets and plenty of room inside, except for Dragon, I'm afraid."

Yeah Shrek, Donkey interrupted, and besides we might miss getting presents if we left now. Look what direction Santa Claus came from. I bet he's already passed my Baby's place, and even Santa Claus would think that ole castle is kinda creepy, with all the knight's bones and lava and stuff."

Raising his head to speak to Dragon, Donkey asked, "Hey Baby, has Santa ever come to your castle on Christmas?"

The huge reptile glanced up at the reindeer-drawn aerial craft, down to Donkey, and sadly shook her head, no.

Donkey shook his head up and down, knowingly, "Uh huh, right, and probably it was a good idea he didn't come, consider'n the way you guarded Fiona all those years. You might of mistaken him for a knight sneaking into the castle at night. Then he turned to the ogre, annoyingly harping, "See Shrek, we'd all miss our presents. You don't want us to miss our presents, huh? Do ya? Do ya, Shrek?"

And in unison, the rest of the fairy tale creatures began to rumble discontentment as well.

In a tone of surrender, Shrek shrugged, and said in a defeated tone, "OK everybody, you can all stay the night, but first thing in the morning you are all going home."

Donkey split a wide grin and shouted, "Yaaaaa, that's the Christmas Spirit, Shrek. Okay everybody into the house and put the lights out as soon as possible cuz Santa won't come lessen you do." Then he turned to Dragon and said in an apologetic tone, "Sorry Baby, but you just won't fit. But I know you won't want me or our little mutant children to miss Santa Claus, right? I know you'll want to stay close to our kids, but it might be a good idea if you hide over there under those big trees so you don't scare off Santa Claus, and pleeeaaaase, don't even think about eating him. He's not a knight and I am sure he likes dragons. Will you promise me Baby? Be good and I am sure Santa will leave nice present for you too!

Dragon shook her head in the affirmative, gave her Donkey husband, and each of her mutant children a loving nuzzle with her snout, and like an overgrown, scaly red lioness, silently padded off into the forest gloom.

Donkey quickly redirected her attention to the group, and as the self elected Christmas Expert, continued with his commands. "OK everybody, into the house, and get to sleep, so Santa Claus will come. Let's go, let's go, let's go!"

In a scant ten minutes the last lantern and candle in the Shrek household were extinguished, and not a creature was stirring, not even the three blind mice. Santa was indeed circling the swamp with the intent of landing and delivering presents when the inhabitants of the tree stump cottage went to sleep. When all seemed still, Santa elected to land his sleigh in the patch of open ground in front of Shrek's cottage for its unusual design was not shaped right, and too small to support the substantial wooden sleigh and the eight, large, caribou-sized reindeer. With a thud and much jingling from the bells attached to the reindeer harness, the sleigh skidded to a stop just by the front door.

In some stories Santa magically slides down the chimney, but in this case he used the front door. For such a rotund, heavily built man, he crept up and through the door with remarkable stealth and proceeded to fill the many stocking tacked above the fireplace with all manner of delicious treats. Looking at the myriad of different creatures lying about all over the living room, he groped through his great burlap bag for suitable presents. It took Santa a good thirty minutes to selects what he felt were appropriate gifts from his remarkable present sack, and imbibed on some rather nasty tasting cookies apparently made from swamp roots, left in plain view for his consumption.

His work finished, Santa quietly opened the door from when he came, and let out a blood-curdling scream that shattered the otherwise Silent Night.

In an instant everyone jolted up from beds, chairs and rugs wondering what had just occurred. "Look, its Santa Claus!" Donkey shouted with delight.

Santa turned to the group, face white as if he had seen a ghost, and said, "There, there is a dragon out there... and I think it has eaten all of my poor reindeer!

Shrek, clad in a long white night shirt and matching sleeping cap, not too unlike the red one Santa wore angrily quipped, "Oh, splendid, Donkey, you lure Santa Claus here to give us presents, and that fat lizard of a wife of yours eats his reindeer. Not only have you ruined my Christmas tonight, but you managed to ruin Christmas for the whole world. Why didn't you just go home when I asked?"

"Hey, now let's not get all bent out a shape", said Donkey reassuringly, "I'm sure there is a logical explanation." Before Shrek could reply, Donkey bolted out the door and to his dragon mate, who reposed on her side exactly where Santa had parked the eight, now missing reindeer a half hour earlier. On any day she was definitely a very fat dragon, but now she seemed more bloated then usual, and her belly seemed to have some odd lumps possibly due to the juxtaposed legs and antlers of a small herd of fairly large quadrupeds. A smug look of food-induced contentment was on Dragon's face, and unbeknown to her, a length of slightly charred leather harness bedecked with silver bells hung like a strand of errant spaghetti from one corner of her toothy maw.

Donkey raised his head to face the fearsome visage of his gigantic reptilian spouse, and with a pleading voice said, "Now Baby, pleeeeaaaase don't tell me you ate Santa's reindeer"?

Dragon screwed her face into a mask of feigned bewilderment, hunched her shoulders and held out empty paws while shaking her head "no". Regrettably, her head shake caused the silver bells on the strap protruding from her mouth to merrily jingle, and the surprise she felt for having upset her quadruped husband caused her to let loose an unexpected belch of enormous proportions that knocked Donkey off his feet. With it, a huge ball of dark smoke wafted from her mouth, and the odor of burnt fur pervaded over the scene, choking the assemble fairy tale creatures that bunched at the cottage doorway.

Donkey got up, turned to the still shocked and astonished Santa, and with a very embarrassed expression said, "Uuuuhhh, we may have a problem, Santa." He strode up to the smoky leviathan and soothingly said into her ear, "Now tell me what happened Baby, I'm sure this was just a terrible misunderstanding, right?"

Shrek shook his head and under his breath said , "Terrible misunderstanding my foot, that thing is an eating mach... owww!", for Fiona gave his ankle a hard kick.

Dragon took on a suitably sorrowful expression, and forced from an eye what might be called a crocodile tear if it had come from one of her more aquatic cousins. She craned her head down to whisper into Donkey's ear and as she shyly mumbled in her odd, tiny voice, and Donkey interpreted bits of the conversation to explain her tale to the others:

"Uh huh, you were listening at the window to all of the Christmas stories we was talking about tonight, and how I said how Santa was going to bring everybody a present, uh huh"... Dragon mumbles again..."then later on we saw Santa in the sky, uh huh, and then I told you to hide in the woods so Santa would come and that he might leave you a present too, uh huh, and then what?"...then Dragon began to pout, and continues to mumble into Donkey's ear..."and you were terribly hungry because you hadn't eaten since the day before yesterday when those obnoxious Watchtower salesmen came to the castle door trying to give me all of their brochures, and even though I told them the castle already had way more watchtowers than we could ever need, especially since you weren't in the princess guarding business anymore, they just wouldn't go away, so finally you just had to eat them, yes, go on"..."Dragon was sniffling now as she continued mumbling into Donkeys' ear..."OK, so you were practically starving and you couldn't have Christmas dinner with us because there wasn't enough, uh huh, and so there you were, out in the woods, alone and hungry, you are trying to go asleep, so you closed your eyes, ready to dream about presents from Santa Claus, and you heard this big thud in front of Shrek's house, opened them and even though you had actually wished for a platoon of overweight knights, Santa had left you eight big fat reindeer, all covered with bells and ribbons just like the presents under the Christmas tree, uh huh...and then dragon burst into tears while mumbling the finish to her story, which Donkey hesitantly repeated, "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuh, so you naturally ate them all up."

Donkey turned to Santa and the others with a very embarrassed expression, forced a hesitant smile and said "Ooooooooooooops."

Ooooooooooops? Shrek said in anger. Ooooooooooops? You and your carnivorous wife have just ruined Christmas for everybody Donkey. How will Santa deliver his presents now?"

Just then the diminutive Gingerbread Man walked up to Santa, and seemingly to sooth him, looked up at Santa and said with the greatest sympathy, "You must have dearly loved those reindeer, right Santa?"

The white-bearded patriarch bent low to answer the kind little fairy tale creature, sadly nodding, saying, "Well, yes, they were practically part of the family.".

Then the Gingerbread Man's look of compassion transformed into that of evil glee, and the animated confection screamed "GOOD, NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOUR LOVED ONES ARE EATEN ALIVE!. Ah, ha ha ha ha. Thought you could get away with eating my dear Suzy, did you, you monster? Now you know what it feels like. And NOW my revenge will be complete!" He turned to Dragon, and his voice boomed remarkably loud for something so tiny. Waving his hands like a necromancer, Gingerbread Man screamed, "Oh Great Dragon, again be the instrument of my revenge, I beseech you..., " and then he spun around, pointed his fingerless gingerbread arm at the shocked, gentleman in red, and screamed, TO EAT SANTA CLAUS! And as if in a demonic trance he repeated over and over again, EAT SANTA! EAT SANTA! EAT SAN..." And as suddenly as it began, Gingerbread Man's harangue was cut of when the quick thinking Shrek, slapped a convenient overturned bucket over the screaming pastry.

Dragon was not unmoved by this plea, and while as a general rule she did not obey the commands of talking confections, this was a request that she found immensely appealing, for no knight, prince, thief or adventurer she had ever eaten was as pleasingly plump as the man in red. And while this Santa Claus had never done her harm, (and in fact, involuntarily provided her with a fine Christmas dinner), she thought if nobody objected, she would be happy to oblige this close friend of her Donkey husband, for she always had room for dessert. And after all, it might solve this embarrassing situation she had found herself in. Still unsure if such an act would be deemed appropriate by the rest of her friends, she slowly snaked her long neck toward Santa to test the waters, so to speak.

No sooner had Shrek stifled the demonic Gingerbread Man with the bucket, than he spied Dragon's head moving deliberately toward Santa, and thinking quickly again, he pulled a large holly Christmas wreath off the front door, and thrust it over the reptile's muzzle, effectively keeping her mouth shut. He commanded, "Dragon, NO!", and while Shrek would have been powerless to stop the fire breathing behemoth, his actions were enough to snap Dragon out of her feeding frenzy, and rather meekly she retreated behind her Donkey husband.

Donkey, always ready to defend his oft-misunderstood carnivorous spouse, shouted, "Shame on you Shrek, to think such a terrible thing! Why Dragon wasn't going to eat Santa, she just wanted to give him a make-up kiss because she felt so bad about the reindeer... right Baby?"

It sounded quite reasonable to Dragon so she shook her head in agreement.

In a lower voice Donkey said to Dragon, "Open your mouth Baby and show Santa your gold".

Dragon obligingly opened her fearsome jaws, and raised her long pink tongue, revealing a pile of golden coins underneath it.

Donkey proudly proclaimed, "My Baby's rich. She sleeps on a pile of gold bigger than Shrek's house, and there's rooms full of magic swords, and fancy armor and stuff like that, that visitors left. And look here, She always carries some gold around for just these kinds of misunderstandings." He jumps up into her mouth and begins groping the coins with his hooves. "Why she can buy you a whole herd of new reindeer."

Santa sorrowfully replied, "No..., no, that won't be necessary. We have a whole herd of reindeer back at the North Pole, but there is no way I could get back to the North Pole, and still deliver the presents in time."

Donkey began pacing back and forth between Dragon and the group by the cottage door, saying, "Now let me think, let me think...I know, I know, Shrek, remember how Baby swallowed ole Faarquad back in Duloc, and over an hour later we could still here him scream'n back here in the swamp while we wuz danc'n and sing'n and stuff?"

Shrek replied uneasily, "Yessss Donkey, but lets not talk about humans being digested alive in a dragon's stomach on Christmas eve in front of Santa Claus, OK?"

"Yeah Shrek but I have a plan", Donkey proudly replied. Then he raised his head to nuzzle Dragon's muzzle, and said as sweetly as possible, "Hey Baby do ya think you could be a darlin' and upchuck Santa's reindeer so can he deliver his presents?

"Oh wonderful Donkey, thank you for not asking me if I'd like a fifty foot long dragon to puke in my front yard. I know I am an ogre, and maybe not the most hygienic individual in the world, but I don't think I need an ornamental pool of dragon vomit on my doorstep. Go out in the woods to do that if you please."

"Shhhhhh Shrek, you'll hurt Baby's feelings, and we are going to need her full cooperation to make this work. OK we'll go. C'mon Baby."

But Dragon didn't move and instead crooned sadly into Donkey's ear and he translated again to the others: "Uh what's that Baby? Yuh say the reindeer ain't gonna fly again?. Dragon mumbles... 'Cuz you ROASTED them? Oh, that's what that burnt smell was when your burped. Well why's that? Ya didn't roast Faarquad, or the Watchtower salesmen, or anybody else I ever saw you eat?"...Dragon mumbles..."You say you always roast large furry animals first because their struggling with the horns, hooves, claws and antlers sometimes gives you a sore throat? Uh huh... Dragon mumbles...but people are just soft and helpless, and easy to swallow with their blunt little teeth and fingernails? Well that makes sense... She mumbles some more...And when eat animals you can;t dissolve their hair or fur so you get fur-balls, so you need to burn the hair off first. You mean hairball like Puss here?" Dragon shook her head, yes. "Whoa, no offense Baby, but Puss's naaaaasty fur balls are bad enough, so I'd hate to think what one of yours..."

Puss interrupted in his rich Latin accent, "I resent your crass remark Donkey. If your were not a mere bumpkin I would challenge you to a duel. He flourished his rapier, and continued, "And besides, in the rare event I have to expel a small fur ball, I do so in a most dignified manner."

Donkey scoffed, "Ooooh no. Who you try'n to fool, Puss? When you start chucking one of those nasty suckers up, you start to wheez'n an a gagg'n, an a chok'n, and finally this big, wet, smelly,...".

Shrek's huge hand clamped over his Friend's muzzle, saying "That's enough Donkey." Then he turned to Santa and said, "I'm terribly sorry, um, Mr. Claus for the loss of your reindeer and all of our very un-Christmas-like behavior. As Donkey said, Dragon will pay you whatever you say their worth. We happen to have more magical creatures in the area like fairies, pixies, and witches and such, and they have all said the owe me a favor for..."

All the while Donkey struggled to break free of Shrek's grip on his snout, and finally did. Smiling widely he said to the crowd, "Wait a minute, I think I have an idea." He turned to Dragon and whispered something into the reptile's huge ear. Dragon's sorrowful expression suddenly turned into one of joy, and vigorously shook here head up and down in approval.

In triumph, Donkey said, "The problem is solved, and we will still have Christmas. My Baby will pull Santa's sleigh tonight, and Shrek and I will help!

In astonishment Shrek gasped, "What?"

"Sure Shrek, Santa still looks a little shaken so we might need your help, cuz I can't lift that big present bag. And hey, a dragon is way faster and stronger than any old team of eight reindeer."

Shrek shook is head in disagreement and said, "This is insane Donkey, we can't take Dragon to peoples homes delivering presents. You heard about what happened when she kidnapped, errrrr, I mean, rescued Fiona from the Palace in Far Far Away. Why the whole city panicked when they saw her."

Donkey shrugged and said, "Yeah Shrek, I heard about that, but this is different."

"Well, why would this be any different Donkey?' Shrek questioned.

Donkey: "Well, this is Christmas Eve, right?'

"Uh huh", Shrek replied hesitantly.

Donkey explained, "And everybody is s'posed to be all snug in their beds with visions of sugar plums, right?"

Shrek replied, "Well, right."

"Doncha see Shrek? Everybody will be asleep so nobody will realize Santa's sleigh is being pulled by a dragon", Donkey said in confidence.

Santa interrupted the bickering saying, "Yes, I believe it might work, but we'll need some new harness to hook her up. "

Elated that Santa agreed , Donkey first said to Santa, "No problem", and then turned to Dragon and said, "Hey Baby, that old chandelier and chain that we took off of your neck is still behind Shrek's house. Could you put it on and let us tie the chain to the sleigh."

Dragon nodded her head in agreement, and happily scampered behind the house (if it is possible for a four ton dragon to scamper), and in less than a minute was back with the old iron chandelier from her castle around her neck, and she positioned herself in front of the sleigh to be hitched up.

Shrek still shook his head, murmuring, "I still have a bad feeling about this", but he took the heavy chain, wrapped it through the front struts of both of the sleigh's skids, and tied the chain in a big knot.

Meanwhile Donkey had trotted into the house and quickly returned carrying a large ball of stout twine in his mouth. He put it into Shrek's hands as he just wiped them on his pants after tying the chain in a knot. When his mouth was free, he said to Shrek, "Please tie a piece of this rope around each of Dragon's ear flaps". Then he trotted up to Dragon's head saying to Santa along the was, C'mon up here Santa so everybody's on the same sheet of music.

Donkey said to Dragon. Now Baby, here's the deal. Santa needs to control you so Shrek's tying a rope to each of your ear flaps. Now when Santa pulls on your left ear, go left, when he pulls on the right one go right. When he tugs on both ears at the same time, that means to land, and also to take off. Does everybody understand?" Everyone nodded.

Dragon mumbled into Donkey's ear that she wanted to speak to Santa in private. "Sure Baby", he said to the reptile, and then said to Santa, "Baby want's to speak to you. Now her voice is very low and a bit hard to understand, so you need to come right up to her mouth and don't be afraid."

Santa hesitantly came close to Dragon's tooth studded jaws, and pressed an ear close to the red painted lips. His eyes watered from the chemicals in the industrial strength, minty fresh mouthwash the reptile used to mask the carrion breath of an apex predator - one of the many products the now late Fairy Godmother had given her as part of the payment to guard Fiona for all those years. Dragon mumbled. Santa listened, said yes to the dragon, and listened some more and then turned to the others and said, "Um, Dragon promises to be on her best behavior but insists that she must do this alone so Shrek and, uh Donkey, can spend the rest of Christmas with their families tonight."

Donkey, who would have loved to go on this adventure, disappointedly said "Awe, Baby that is real sweet of you, but...". And he was stopped when dragon placed a sharp black talon on his muzzle, gave him a stern look, and shook her head NO! Then she whispered again into Santa's ear, and although he repeated some words, he did not share the conversation with the others. He only replied to her, "What, the bad children? Well, I suppose so, if they are really, really bad." And Dragon grinned, and gave Santa a sly wink.

Santa turned to the others and said, "Well... that's that. We are already way behind schedule so we must be off. " He got into the sleigh, took up the rope reins, and gently tugged both of them, and said, "On, Dragon". Dragon waved a good bye to everyone as did Santa, and with a loud roar, and belch of flame, took off, circled Shrek's cottage and sailed off into the night.

Donkey waved a last goodbye with a front hoof, and turned to Shrek with a joyful tear in his eye. "Isn't it great Shrek. This is just like one of those cute specials. We saved Christmas."

Shrek, replied. "No Donkey, it really isn't the same because it was you and your gluttonous dragon of a wife's fault Christmas was almost ruined in the first place, and I still have a bad feeling about this."

Donkey guffawed, "Don't be silly Shrek. How could anything go wrong now?" Then he spotted Fiona and said, "Man, all of this excitement has really worked up an appetite. Hey Fiona, how about whipping us up all some waffles?

"Yaa, mit schnitzel", chorused the Three Pigs, apparently unaware that it was a pork dish.

Dragon did not return until the evening of Christmas Day, having had to drop Santa off at the North Pole before she could return. When she finally did return she warmly snuggled Donkey and her little mutant children and recounted in her quiet mumbling how well the Christmas adventure with Santa went. Curiously, she looked even fatter now than when she left bloated with eight reindeer carcasses, and that, after having expended innumerable calories on her epic flight. She was carrying an extremely large, dark cloth bag, that appeared quite empty now, but it was assumed Santa may have given her a large amount of food for the trip home, that she had evidently consumed along the way.

Donkey mumbled her interesting but rather uneventful story to Donkey, who repeated it to Shrek, Fiona, and the kids. At the end, Dragon said she had a surprise, and opened her mouth wide, and raised her tongue, where along with her traveling money, was a glass jar that appeared to have a document inside.

"Ooooh Shrek look!" shouted Donkey. "A message in a bottle. Oh, get it, Shrek, please get it!

Shrek grimaced as he picked up the jar dripping with dragon drool. Wiping it dry on some of the used gift wrapping paper that littered the floor, he opened it, and said, "This is a letter from Santa Claus."

"Oh read it, Shrek, read it", Donkey said, as he jumped around in excitement.

"Fiona is the best reader here", Shrek said, and handed it to his wife.

Fiona took the letter, cleared her throat, and began reading:

"Dear Shrek, Fiona, Donkey and Friends,

I wish to express my heartfelt thanks to all of you for coming to my assistance after the unfortunate misunderstanding and demise of my team of reindeer on Christmas Eve. Dragon, or Gorgeousapteryx the Beautiful, as I understand is her proper name, was the the perfect lady and indispensable in her untiring efforts assisting me deliver presents. Moreover, her frightening appearance, combined with warnings by parents to their children that Santa's Dragon would be back next year to gobble them up if they misbehaved, will be a wonderful deterrent in thwarting future misbehavior over the coming year. In addition, her carnivorous nature was immeasurably convenient to those parents desirous to eliminate particularly onerous miscreants believed unredeemable, quickly and efficiently. So with the great success of yesterday's Christmas delivery, I am writing now to confirm that by mutual agreement, that the dragon Gorgeousapteryx the Beautiful, is welcome to henceforth accompany me on all of my future Christmas deliveries, and from this day forward, to be regarded as the official Christmas Dragon .

Sincerely yours,

Saint Nicholas - aka Santa Claus."

Donkey was mesmerized by the recital of the letter, and said, "Wow. I didn't understand all of them fancy words, but now my Baby is not only famous as the Dragon's Best Brand, Fertilizer Dragon, but now she is the official Christmas Dragon as well. Say Shrek, since I'm the husband of the official Christmas Dragon, and you guys are my best Friends I bet we can go to the North Pole now and visit Santa Claus. Would you like to go to the North Pole Shrek?"

"Not anytime soon Donkey, it's cold enough here," Shrek responded. "And now that your family is reunited, I am sure you will all want to go home to Dragon's Keep, eh?"

Oh no, Shrek, don't you know its only five days to New Years Eve? I thought it would be easier if we just stay here until after the party."

"Uh what party, Donkey?" Shrek questioned.

Donkey replied, "Why the New Year's Eve party, of course, Shrek. Don't tell me now that ogres don't celebrate New Year's Eve too? But you're in luck Shrek. Not only am I a Christmas expert, but I also happen to be a New Year's Eve expert. So don't worry Shrek, I'vie got five days to fill you in.

Shrek just put his head in his hands and sighed.

Days later, after New Year's Eve, and their family had returned to Dragon's Keep, Donkey was bored. Dragon had taken the Mutant Children on an exercise flight to Knight's Inn, where she would buy a dry old cow from Mr. Muldoon the proprietor, for her dinner, and some candy apples, and other treats for her herbivorous hybrid offspring and husband. Donkey admired the letter from Santa Claus which Shrek had framed and now prominently displayed on a well, along with the article about Dragon's Best Fertilizer from Better Homes and Castles Magazine. As he looked at the letter, it reminded him of Santa Claus, and that reminded him to examine more closely the big cloth bag that St. Nick gave Dragon. His reptilian spouse told him that she would need the bag next Christmas and not to throw it away, and he had recalled that some small objects seemed to have been in the bottom of it. He found it in a corner of the Great Hall, exactly where Dragon had dropped it. His hooves did indeed feel lumps in the bag, and after a good deal of exertion, holding the bottom of the bag in his teeth and shaking it, its contents eventually emerged. Donkey was perplexed and disappointed that there were no presents, just what appeared to be a lot of old, used, children's clothing. There were many sleeping caps, much like the one Shrek wore, only smaller, and shoes and slippers, almost none of which were matching pairs. Donkey sighed in disappointment and scooted the pile into a convenient hole in the castle floor where it dropped into the bubbling lava below.

Postscript:

Even to this day, in parts of Eastern Europe where many elements of our cherished fairy tales began, Saint Nicholas, the original version of Santa Claus, does not come in a sleigh drawn by reindeer, but on a fearsome, red scaled, beast with horns, wings, pointed tail, with an iron collar and led on a chain. The Saint brings presents for good children, but bad children run the risk of being snatched up by the terrifying red, scaly, winged beast, thrown in a great bag and presumably gobbled up later at the creature's leisure. For centuries in countless towns and cities, the inhabitants would reenact this story around Christmas time to remind the children of the rewards of being good or the consequences of being bad, and this is done even to this day. But is difficult to make a convincing costume of a dragon. So like that other red dragon of Christian lore, by name of Satan, the medieval folk gradually morphed the dragon characteristics of red scaly skin, horns, wings and tail into a more human form to more easily be recreated in their various religious pageants, and this mixture of man and dragon, has given us the modern stereotype of the devil, and demons in general. But the knowledgeable historians of medieval religious beliefs know the truth - Saint Nicholas was believed to have ridden on one of the heavenly Seraphim described in the Bible as fiery, flying reptiles, and used the creature to frighten bad little children. But could the alternative universe of Shrek be connected to our own by some portal, and used by mythic characters like Santa Claus and a certain red dragon who sports an iron chain and collar, exactly as the real Saint Nicholas legends state?