The Morass is always greener

            “Did you turn off my text messaging?”  Lacey yelled slamming the door to her bedroom as she stomped into the hall. 

         “Yes.  I told you I would.  You are 20 years old and it’s time to pay your phone bill or stop texting,” Meg shouted in return.  Lacey looked at her in shock.  “And stop putting the milk carton in the frig with one mouthful left,” she added though she knew no one was listening.  Meg’s was tired of her role as an invisible doormat.  I’m following my mother’s footsteps.  She cringed as she reached for her Prozac. 

* * *
         I’ve got to get out of here, Meg thought as she headed for the door.  Rick, Meg’s husband, was out in the blazing sun tuning his car in preparation for their trip to Florida to figure out of relocation was possible.  “Where are you going?” he asked barely peeking out from under the hood of the car.

         “The store,” Meg threw back.  As if anyone cared where I go or when I return, she thought as she choked back tears.  Was there a Heimlich maneuver for choking on tears?  Before she got her job, Rick would not have even asked where she was going.  Just bringing in money made her a little more visible.

She wasn’t sure if she was even welcome on their Florida trip but the kids were excited about the possibility.  She was excluded from all the planning, but she was going -- if not Florida then anywhere off this dusty, desolate road with all of three houses.  She wasn’t sure life was worth living like this.

* * *
         “Hey, Mom.  You want to go to the mall and get our nails done?”  Apparently, Lacey’s anger over her cell phone was as forgotten as last year’s Christmas presents. 

         “Sure.  We can stop for Chinese on the way home.”  The dynamic duo rides again!  Meg’s husband’s indifference was bearable but her daughter’s silence was intolerable.  Meg could sink into depression after one of her silent treatments.  Meg, tall and thin with a crooked smile, tries to cover her big-heart that she wears prominently on her sleeve. 

Manicured and feeling glamorous, Meg and Lacey headed for the Chinese buffet.  With plates piled high with greasy noodles, Meg spotted the construction worker that she had seen in the mall a couple of times.  He grinned in her direction.  A cross between Brad Pitt and Nicholas Cage, he moved with the stealth and grace of a tiger.  His eyes were ocean blue peeking out from dark lashes and both mother and daughter noticed him.  Meg was thankful that she had colored her hair.  No gray haired ladies need apply.  Her breath caught and she felt like she was part of a scene in a movie.  She half expected the director to shout “cut”.  She stared at the menu on the chalk board to hide her reaction from Lacey but Lacey wasn’t blind.  She looked at her mother like she had forgotten her underwear.  Meg mentally chalked one up!  Lacey doesn’t get all the looks.  But I’m 47 and have more important things to think about.

Back home, Meg freshened her makeup and headed out the door to work, grateful for the excuse to leave again.  At her McDonald’s coffee stop she noticed “blue eyes” in front of her again.  Good grief.  He’s going to think I’m stalking him, she thought ready to walk out.  Oh please.  The mall is the center of the universe for everyone in the triple cities.  Where else would anyone go? 

Meg called her sister during her lunch break for her daily report.  “Guess what?  I saw ‘blue eyes’ again.”

         “Did you talk to him?”

         “No.  I thought he was eyeing Lacey the other day.” 

         “Be careful.  You don’t know him.  And you’re married.” 

Meg laughed humorlessly and sang into the phone, “I’ve lost that loving feeling. . . Rick doesn’t care what I do.  He doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body.  We haven’t had sex in – I can’t remember when but it wasn’t this decade.  Maybe he’ll sit up and take notice if someone else looks at me.” 

***

On Wednesday, Meg spotted “blue eyes” paying for his afternoon pick-up.  He turned around and smiled at her – no mistaking his direction. “I wondered if I’d ever get to say hi” 

         “Well I guess we are both heavy coffee drinkers.  It was inevitable.”  her crooked smile became wider.

         His chuckle revealed white, even teeth.  He was perfect.

         The next day Meg could not make the clock move no matter how many loads of laundry she washed and folded.  But it was finally time to leave for work and on the way she anxiously made her caffeine stop.  Well, it was good coffee.  Pretty pathetic that McDonalds has the best coffee around.  As hoped, she spotted “blue eyes” saunter in, his gaze sweeping the room as if casing the place for a future break-in.

         “We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Meg openly flirted. 

         He didn’t miss a beat.  “Hey, do you want to go have a beer?” 

         “Can’t -- on my way to work.  I work second shift.”

         “Well, another time,” he suggested as they walked outside in unison.

         “Sure.  Do you have a name or are you incognito?”  Meg ventured.

         “Doug,” he answered as he reached for his sunglasses to protect his eyes from the sun or was he trying not to attract the paparazzi?  “Walk me to my van,” he instructed confidently. 

         “Why?  Do you have beer in your van?” she laughed to camouflage her nerves.  “Where are you parked?” hoping it was close but following in spite of her better judgment.

         “Right there.”  “Blue eyes” pointed to a dead-end alley and a van parked about 50 feet down the street.  “Are you going to tell me your name?”

         “Meg,” she answered as she followed Doug down the quiet street taking a quick looked at her watch thankful that she had left home early.  Doug opened the back door as if to extract a valuable tool for his job.

         “Well, I’d better get . . .” but before she could finish Doug leaned toward her, took her face in his calloused hands and kissed her firmly.  Meg returned the kiss.  He quietly moaned.  Just how long had he been watching her she wondered or does he moan over everyone?  No time for that.

         Doug lifted her up on the back seat and leaned in forcing her further into the van.  She awkwardly scooted across the seat.  Doug kissed her lifting her legs and laying them across his lap so he could sit beside her.  He expertly unzipped his pants and inserted Meg’s hands into his tight jeans while running his hand up her back under her t-shirt.  Meg’s heart raced as if she had run up stairs two at a time.  He unbuttoned Meg’s jeans and pulled aside her underwear then slowly reclined her on the seat.  She bit her lip.  Where was her fear?  Her guilt?  All she knew was she wasn’t stopping his gentle insertion.  He whispered her name as the momentum of his thrusts increased.  She was sure the passersby up the street could hear but she didn’t care.   

***
         “Hey, sis.  Guess what?  I saw him again on the way to work.”

         Sharon laughed.  “I told you work has more benefits than a paycheck.  You’ve found benefits that I didn’t even consider.  Has he asked you out?” I need details.”

         “It’s giving me ulcers but we meet at McDonalds and go to his van.  Get this.  Rick, who hasn’t given me more than a peck on the cheek in a decade, has decided to get romantic now.” 

         “I’ll bet he knows.”

         “No.  He’s just happy that I’ve got a job and won’t be asking him for money.  The asshole.  I think he’s warming up to sex.”

         As Meg predicted, when she got home from work, Rick was awake and showered.   

         “I’m so tired,” Meg announced.  “I’m going to bed.”

         Rick followed her into the bedroom and got into bed.  As he put his arm around her, he kissed her in his usual stiff manner.  She gritted her teeth and decided that she might as well get it over with.  The next morning, Meg stayed in bed listening as Rick shaved.  She couldn’t face him.  Avoidance seemed the best policy.  “Please don’t kiss me,” she silently whispered. 

***
         “Mom, what’s wrong with you lately?” Lacey asked over their burgers and fries.  “Have you stopped eating?” 

         “Just tired,” Meg lied.  Unfortunately, a double life is not as exciting as in the movies.  Meeting Doug was interfering with Meg’s sleep and she was definitely loosing weight.  Apparently, she wasn’t hiding it very well.  Back at work, Meg’s gastric juices worked overtime producing undulating nausea.  Between cold fear and fighting tears, she knew she couldn’t make it through the day.  She had to go home.  No too many questions.  She would wait for Doug by the van. 

         While waiting for Doug, Meg dialed her sister.  “Sharon,” Meg quietly cried but was unable to finish her sentence. 

         “What’s wrong?  Did Rick find out about Doug?” Sharon asked.

         “No.  I can’t take this double life.  I can’t eat.  I can’t sleep.  I have to get this out in the open.” 

Or maybe I should just leave, Meg thought.  Move out.  Avoid everything.  Never say a word.  That would end their marriage.  Rick would be hurt and angry but would get over it.  He was a good father and provider.  Great, now, I see his good qualities, she thought as her stomach churned.  The grass is always greener.  Where is Doug? 

         Meg finally just drove home and poured a shot of brandy to calm her stomach before Rick’s arrival.  She saw him drive into the driveway and poured another.  Oh well.  I’m not the first in the universe to be unfaithful.  Our sex life isn’t exactly torrid.  Maybe he won’t even care.  When Rick walked through the door Meg could tell he knew something was wrong. 

         “What’s up?”

         “I have to talk to you,” Meg stammered.

         “Yeah, I know.  I need to talk to you too.”

         Rick reached for the brandy and poured.  Something was up.  Meg’s stomach flipped.  Rick drinks coffee after work not brandy. 

         “I didn’t want this to happen but I’ve met someone.  I’m sorry.  I thought I could forget about it and make our marriage work.  But I can’t.”

         Meg couldn’t believe her ears.  Dull old Rick.  He couldn’t even kiss.  Now he has a girlfriend.  He looked like he was going to cry. 

Meg downed another brandy to stop her trembling.  “You’ve met someone?” she asked dumbly.  “How long has this been going on?  Were you going to move with her and not tell me?  What about the children?  So that’s why you made love to me,” her voice trailed off.

Meg thought for a moment.  She was weighing the possibilities.  Was she in a movie again?  Her mind raced ahead planning as her stomach bungeed.  She was going to be free.  Free to see Doug and she didn’t have to say a word. 

“Well, I have met someone too.  Someone who loves me and makes me feel alive,” she rattled on hoping she sounded more confident than she felt.  “We are planning our future together,” she added weakly.  No more sneaking around.  Oh God, please let Doug be happy about this, she silently pleaded with the universe. 

         The door opened and Lacey breezed through tossing her purse on the chair, took a quick look at her parents who were composing themselves, trying to smile.  She shrugged not really interested in whatever was going on. 

         “Guess what mom.  Guess who I have a date with tonight?” she asked as she opened the refrigerator in search for food.  Without waiting for an answer Lacey continued.  “Remember the guy at McDonalds with the blue eyes who kept looking at us?”

         “Yes,” Meg answered warily.

         “Him.  I saw him at lunch and he asked me out.”