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Rated: 13+ · Letter/Memo · Comedy · #1360461
I wrote it for "angry rant contest." Please review!


*Flower1* Hi Miss 251 Characters, *Flower1*

I will review your personality today on behalf of "Nathii reviews -- The Little Devil." *Laugh*

*Reading*

Would you kill for money?

Of course you would.

Not only *would,* but you are actually doing it a hell lot of times per day with your sentence diarrhea on the public review page. You are killing art, self-criticism of the authors, world's justice, and my eyes seeking something attention worthy. This last thing is particularly annoying.

In every good Western, someone will rob a bank. Stealing 50 cents charmed into GPs is not any better than stealing 50 Cent's mp3s from the internet. You can congratulate yourself, because two weeks after joining this page, I am willing to drop my wonderfully promising career as a writer, and stick to my law studies, just to prosecute the likes of you in the public review penalty system. So, what hurts me the most?

*Idea*You jump on the auto-rewarding items, preferably poems, and read some random words. Then, you mark 5.0 and produce an “opinion” like this:

What a beautiful poem!!!!!!! I especially liked the first line, but also I have to
mention, that I think that the last line was very good. So inspiring, I absolutely loved it, because it brought the tears to my eyes. I only saw one little mistake, you missed a comma between first line and last line.


*Idea*I can get you a turn state's evidence status, if you tell me the name of your cooperator -- the damned "copy & paste" inventor.

I know you are mainly a 0.35 kilobytes chaser, but you can deal also with the very long stories when you are in a financial slump.

This is an authentic gem found today on the public review page:

Ten persons have rated it average 3.5 before me. They must have had their reasons. I am rating it higher, for the reason that here is a story written in excellent language and style, with vivid imagery.

I have not read this story in full, being too long. If the story line is bad, my 4 would stay. If it is not, it may deserve still higher.

(name)


Maybe there's some method in the craziness; by the time I finish reviewing one short story, you are done with fifty poems and two novels. Only two novels, because your older brother pushed you away from the computer in the meantime, and got into my port to judge one of my items from his own account. "It is very evident that English isn't your first language. I think you should take some classes; I could barely read what you wrote." He gave me a big fat 2.0. My bad, I offered only 100 GPs. Yet, he deserves the "Understanding of Written Text" merit badge because I often start with a sentence that is not in my native tongue, and I came here to improve as much as I can. Also, it’s great to know he didn't bother reading further. English is actually my third language, after Polish and German, and before Russian. I can also communicate in Ukrainian and Spanish; plus, I know basic Latin.

Hookers. Who cares. (Thanks Lisa for spotting my error! You're a wonderful
proofreader!)

At the end of the rant, I humbly suggest hiring Weird Al Yankovic to sing a Tina
Turner cover:

"I'm your private rater
A rater for money
I rate how you want me to do"

as an official WDC's anthem.

Feel free to not accept my suggestions, it's your writing. I hope I was encouraging enough. You are doing a wonderful job.

"And the World Peace!"
Review on!
*Heart*

(place for a very big signature)


If you like my rant, you can vote it here
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