Chelsea's Poem

Chelsea's Poem

You talk about how He forgives.
I feel it now.
The guilt.
Very lightly, but still there.
I look around.
Everyone's standing.
Some are just settling in.

The songs are playing.
The so-called hymns.
With a modern beat.
Is this what you want it to be?
My soul knows something is coming.
Some are singing.
Most are not.

My eyes start to soak.
I listen to your words.
It hurts.
My face is wet.
My nose is dripping.
How embarrasing.
But it is for you.

So I think of how the people are watching.
They must think they know,
I have done something bad.
I did but I didn't.
I should have been here more.
I should have tried.
I gave up.

At the same time I'm thinking this,
I feel good.
Which makes me feel bad.
Their eyes try to look away.
Try not to make me think,
They are looking.
I know they are.

I pray to God my eyes stop,
The tears.
Stop the dripping,
And the mess.
We sit.
I pull myself,
Together.

Try to use my sleeve,
As a cloth.
I'm good for now.
I open the book,
For todays words.
So I am not lost,
With what you are saying.

I look around at all the people.
All of Them.
And wonder things.
I stand again soon.
With all the others.
My soul has mended,
I think.

His spirit has been here.
I feel it in my blood.
I know it in my soul.
He is Me.

I wonder why,
They dont cry.
Why arent most singing?
Is His power here?
Are they closer than me,
To Him?
Do they truely feel It?

I look next to me.
She is not rejoycing.
She is not singing.
She is busy.
Not paying attention.
Using this time to spend on work.
Spend on the World.

This is NOT the world.
This is a home.
A house of pure love.
Are you blind?
I am ashamed,
To be sitting here.
Next to this.

I know what,
They are thinking.
"When is this over?"
"How long till mass ends?"
"Just follow along,
With everyone else".
"We'll leave when on one is looking."

You say great words.
I'm with you in heart.
I'll give it my all.
Please hold me tight.
And dont let go.
God, I look around.
Do they believe as I do?