I Think I Love You

My mind was completely blank. The tapping of my pencil was becoming synonomous with the irregular beat of my heart. After sitting through 35 minutes of elongated science videos, I still couldn't think of a single thing to write in my essay. This happened everytime I was asked to write an essay. I would have my pencil in hand and be ready to write, and everything would be swiped from my mind. This made me start daydreaming. Something I did quite too often. I think my mind goes blank because daydreaming is the only thing that's ever worth thinking about. It's not like I have that picture-perfect life that so many people think I have. So I have to do something that makes my life worth while. Even though I tried so hard to drain the sound of my teacher's lesson, I could still hear the faint sound of Ms. Britt's pen striking the board. I sighed and layed my pencil on the top of my notebook. It couldn't hurt to pay attention. Maybe there was that slight chance I might learn something. I rolled my eyes and started to look around the room and suddenly stopped at him. The daydreaming started again.

Adam Lyon. Cute, nice, funny, sweet, and full of charisma. With those midnight black eyes and incredible smile, it's no wonder he's so lovable. And those dimples he has puts the icing on top of the cake. His smile just makes me want to melt. His presence fills the whole room. And it doesn't hurt that he's got a pretty toned body. Everything about him screams perfection. He seems like such an intellectual, sitting there, playing close attention to every word Ms. Britt says. How could you not be in love with him?

Of course, someone like that already has a girlfriend. Not much surprise there. And not much surprise that his girlfriend is a total bitch. Rude, sneaky, full of herself. Always thinks she's the stuff and no one could harm her. And actually, I think she really does have it all. Even if she is a bitch.

I continued staring at him, feeling my heart flutter and my stomach drop. He was so attractive. I felt so lightheaded and dreamy. So many thoughts about me and him together flooded my mind. Me and him together at football games, hanging out at the mall, hanging out at each other's house...all those thoughts came into perfect view in my mind. A small smile started to creep over my face, when a loud, billowing voice interrupted it all.

"Does anybody know the answer?" Ms. Britt's loud voice echoed through the room. I came back to the real world. "Come on people, we have just talked about what alloys are." Still no one raised their hands. Gosh, this is so easy. The answer is different metals mixed together, I thought to myself. I decided to raise my hand but I did it very slowly. I'm not the talkative type. My hand was halfway in the air when I heard a voice across the room start to speak. "Alloys have different metals that are mixed together," Adam said, twirling his pencil in between his fingers. He made my heart race just by hearing him say those few words. Why does he do this to me? And why can't he notice me? He gives me goosebumps just thinking about him. I turned my head and stared at him intently. My gaze is fixed on him and I'm getting goosebumps on top of my goosebumps. I want him to look up at me so badly, for me to be able to stare into his eyes, and for him to finally realize that I was meant for him.

Just then, his head turned from Ms. Britt to me. It felt it took forever to look away, I was so locked in his gaze. But it only took a second for me to look back down and pretend that I was actually understanding what this chapter was about. Damn, I thought to myself. Damn, damn, damn! If I had enough courage to daydream these bizarre dreams, then I should have enough courage to at least wave or smile at him. I feel really dumb now, because I'm getting frustrated with myself. Talking to myself is not going to make me smile at him. It's just going to make me realize that I have less chance with him everyday.

With one final sigh of frustration, I stop thinking about Adam and start paying attention to the lesson. Fortunately for me, the bell rings and I'm off to second period to daydream some more.

I feel like a stupid little school. It feels like every single thought that I have revolves around Adam, and how mcuh I want him to be mine. I feel like no matter what I try to focus my mind on, everything just comes back to Adam and how I think we're meant to be. And it's not like we're best friends. Yeah, I associate with some of the same people he talks to, but that doesn't mean we're extremely close. Yeah, we talked all the time in 6th grade, but that was two years ago. Yeah, I was one of the few people who liked him, but that doesn't mean he's gonna pick me over all the other girls, who are a lot more attractive than I am. Yeah, I'll always try to be optimistic, but I'll always know that he has eyes for somebody else. And even though I know this, and I remind myself of this everyday, I still think there is that one ounce of compassion and sincereity in him that will make him want to be with me.