The Darkness

As i grow older n older i am filled with this void of emptiness that consumes my mind, i try to repress it and continue to live as this pretend character that plays the role of a joker,a smoker, a jock, or if i may put it a superman... my only kryptonite is my search for this higher power of happiness that everyone around me seems to have but me... i live my life day by day trying to come out of my shell bit by bit, inch by inch, but only to be censored by the very people that i have always wanted to be like...as we all know by todays society we all live in this fake world a fasaud of power, dictatorship of illusion. are blindfolds are still on and we as free thinkers never want to take them off... to take are blindfolds and open our eyes then we would have to live as independent thinkers not as clones of these fake charcters we see on t.v or movies... everyone wishes there lifes were different but none of us want to train or sculpt your minds to reach the goals we set...do not think i am judging because i am not God so i will not set a standard of living i am mearly jus thinkin out loud...expressing the thoughts and views i have learned to cope with in this world of negativity...For i have realized that my own Darkness is more powerful then anyone elses... i have embraced my darkness and have merged with it so i can truly feel what it is like to be: dark,empty,fearless,alone...even as i am one with my darkness i still fight in search for this true happiness that i have heard so much about... For my mind feels so dark but yet my body tries to resist the hatred and pain i feel in my heart, i try to ingnore the questions that my soul is tryin to ask... i know that i am a good person but my actions and thoughts differ from what my heart n soul feel...for this is another side of me an artistic novelist that seeks to write about something other then hate and darkness and emptiness, but like every writer i only can write from the soul... my inner essence is to dark for me to write about puppy dogs and love... for i do not think it exsist... i have felt love but not the love i have heard about... my family n friends are in my heart and i love them...but the love i have never found is the love for myself, this darkness i have fused with gives me the strength and courage to do what ever i feel... but i do it as a routine not becasue i love to do it... as i read in many books, seen in many movies... i cannot find happiness or love until i find myself spirtitually... as i am not tryin to be the person i was in the past i am trying to embrace my fate and alter it so i can be a better person and find my happiness...but my darkness will and forever be apart of me because it is me...it runs through my veins and flows in my blood... but even my darkness deserves rest when i find my utopia....