Breathing

so glad
so glad that my breathing and heart’s beating
are controlled by a primitive part of my brain
if not…
I might have voluntarily stopped
long ago
because it comes in cycles
breathe in
happiness
heart beat
future pain ignored
breathe out
contentment
then nothing
for some .5 seconds
you don’t breathe
your heart beats wildly
in fear
that you may never breathe again
then you breathe in
and the cycle continues
but at this moment
even the primitive survival driven part of my brain
tells me to hold my breath
never to breathe in or out or beat again
I thought I had already done this dance
already slain this demons
obviously not
so I’ll just stand here
and force my brain to breathe
force my primitive parts to beat
force my smiles and hold my tears
for what else can the inner injured do