1-12/98

this wishing feeling doesn't go away
easily
quite like it used to
I wanted the mirror to break
and take me with it
into its place of conspiracy
so I could find the truth
I'll do it til it hurts I told myself
til I could find the real reasons
I'll do it til it hurts
again

everywhere I look I see what noone sees
what noone believes
trying from the outside
crying on the inside
about nothing at all nothing in its right place
nothing for me
or about me
finding that seam
in the clouds that claim me
all I wanted was a taste of freedom
chasing my own tail
in a race I wasn't even supposed to win
I'll do it til it hurts
I've never had these feeling before
I'll do it til it hurts
not understanding the power of solitude
wrapped in emotions
trying to signify
and justify my safest place
I may have never known
I'll do it til it hurts
AGAIN

when I was down
or when I was lost
the way up never knew a cause
happiness was a dream away but I wasn't sleeping
TRIED TO ENVY
AND TRIED TO FIGHT MYSELF
TRIED TO DO BETTER
AND ALL IT GOT ME
was wrong and searching for more
again

no patronizing please
the song is for the forgiving and understanding
telling myself the way was good enough
when I knew the way wrong
I'll do it til it hurts
even when I want not to fall apart
even if I don't go astray
I'll do it til it hurts
again
I'll do it til it hurts
scambling my wicked intentions
cleansing them into a soft submission
I'll do it til it hurts
so long as I learn to love
again