How are you? Chronic Pain patient

HOW ARE YOU?
RSD patient? (or anyone suffering chronic pain)

You know how "they" ask you
that every day question
the one we all ask...
with simplest intention...

How are you?
That's the one!
It's said over and over,
just rolls off the tongue.

No one really wants to know,
but I must answer it true.
Does anyone desire to hear
how we "actually" do?

Or do they look at us
and see nothing wrong?
Do they think we are fine
just getting along?

If they only knew our day
and how each one's begun...
it starts with the moment
that we see the rising sun...

to the pill cabinet first
where we silently retreat
for we cannot start our day
without meds under our feet.

Once we have swallowed
that dismal costly lot,
we journey on into our day
with the little energy we've got...

and if we are lucky,
just maybe for that day...
the pills might kick in
to take the misery away...

Even if only for
just moments in time,
I could feel like my old self again
sweet,  pain free,  sublime.

But most of my days
it simply cannot be.
Though I may look fine
a fire burns inside of me.

It frankly will not matter
how many pills I swallow,
they sadly cannot do their job
for the pain will cunningly follow.

You tell me that my meds are bad
and I should get off all those pills...
before I become some derelict addict
downing them all for cheap thrills.

What choice have I left?
To alone endure this pain?
Do you know some great alternative
that will cause it to abstain?

Do you know
what my daily wish might be ...
to simply set it all aside,
say *poof*, I'm better
and leap off this freaking ride?

So you think I am cured...
because I've gained back my walk
and when I talk of my pain
you believe it's all talk!

I promise you this friend
it is NOT in my head!
When those words escape your lips
you cause my tears to shed.

Oh "they" say "How are you?"...
but they don't really want to know.
I can see it in their eyes
when I honestly answer them so.

They've grown weary of my rambling
for I daily must seem to complain.
There are many times I too am tired
of feeling the need to explain.

It has consumed who I once was.
It has robbed myself of me.
Every pain filled day
is my bitter reminder
of all that I never will be.

So please...
      do me a favor...

just don't ask me

How are you dear?

We both so clearly know
you don't really want to hear.

Then you'll need not give me more cliches,
there'll be no need to steer clear...
Just don't ask me that question...
For my answer must  be sincere.

5/11/07
copyright T.L.Tobac
reprint with permission